My Attitude Has Changed

  Life has all this curves and holes that make it difficult to navigate and steer things correctly. Most of the times i don't know where these holes and curves are and sometimes the road gets real narrow and there IT is another hole. Some time has past and we continue to go back and forth between staying together and leaving each other. At times it appears as if my husband is trying to show me that things can change but because of his alcoholism things go back to worse. I see a change in me i don't want the fighting to continue I am even acting more intelligent during our arguments.

 I finally went to see a lawyer and after reviewing things carefully it did not look good for me and the child fen. My language has also changed and i am showing him that i am not fearful of being left alone with the children and the home. After a long argument one day he asked how i knew things and i responded him by letting him know that i was investigating what my rights were if we divorced. Since that day he is no longer making threats about what he is going to do or not do. The bullying also stopped when i told him i would get a court order to have him vacate the home due to his violence which is fueled by his alcoholism. Desperate times has called for desperate measures.

 Even until recently he has said he is moving out that it is the only way he can get better because on his bad days he continues to blame me for his drinking he now realizes that no one will stop him if he tries to leave. On valentines day he was very sick but he went out with our son and returned with a beautiful arrangement of white and red roses. We have been together for 16 years and this is the second time he has given me flowers and it made me teary eyed and we hugged and it was not phony. I think mostly i became emotional because on Friday a co worker received some flowers and i thought to myself i have been with this man for so many years and he has never made a nice gesture like this one. 

 I refuse for things to go back to the way they were and i feel like i am finally standing up for myself. I told him that the new year would be diff rent for me and he would not bring me down. I really don't know what is going on with him i will continue to observe him and his actions. He makes mistakes like all people but he needs to learn to correct them and he does not and until he begins to correct them and make true changes i will be willing to be alone with my children. 

JReddz JReddz
36-40, F
Feb 16, 2009