Still Falling...

I have always been a happy girl, sometimes a bit sad but nothing like now.
Four years ago I hurt my right knee during my karate class and it was the start of four years of emptyness, sadness and loneliness.
It all came down from that point.
No one seemed to know why it was still hurting at times. Then, my uncle almost died in a gas explotion in his summer's house, he had 70% of his body burned and it was very hurt for us as a family because my gramma was a rack and my father had to deal with his and her feelings.
Then he became better.
I went to a new school where I did not adapte well to my new classmates. I became timid (something I never was), shy... unhappy.
My knee started hurting again...and it got worse last year as I tried to raise my Phisical Ed. grade.
This last Christmas, one day after X-mas I had an operation, a surgery.
Since then, I can't come out from the sadness and the dark around me.
First I thought it was just an post-operation depression, post-operation stress or something...
But now, a month from my final exams, I just want to cry, I have some semi-happy day but that are invaded with sadness.
I just want to cry and cry.
No one knows besides my brother because I don't want to worry my parents because my mother is dealing with a lot of stress and work.
I hate this because it also took from me the one thing that could make me happy: motivation.
I have no motivation to keep waking up every morning...
I feel like my world is falling and all I can see is this emptiness and this nothingness.
SilentEve SilentEve
26-30, F
2 Responses May 21, 2007

Yeah, it can't be easy for you. One of my friends have experienced something similar earlier on, but she pulled through and is now much happier. And I know you will be fine :) It really helps to have someone to talk to and to express one's inner feelings with; it is extremely painful to keep the sadness inside all the time. If you need someone to talk to I will be here for you [And I see phoenix will be here too :); she's a really nice person, truly empathic :) ]

Comeon Eve you are stronger than this just fight it sweety,I know you have it in you,<br />
do not dwell in the past when your futur is yet to come.Be strong and live life at its full.<br />
huggs phoenix xx you know were I am if you need me,.xx