Losing Hold of My Kids

my two teenage kids i'm sure are thinking of leaving me and going to live with their dad. it brings on severe anxieties and i don't know what to do. i cant seem to connect with them anymore and they don't talk to me and or they think all i do is yell at them.  if they don't answer my questions after i've asked them 4-5 times, yes my voice will sound very frustrated. i also put them through a horrible step father situation where he was very abusive to me and they saw way too much, so i know i've messed up with them.  my son called me from his dads house last night and said he was going to stay there for the night. i talked to my ex and i know he moved closer so he could eventually take the kids from me. there at the age where they can make that choice. (scares me to death) he told me he would have no problem moving to a bigger place or taking them half the time if thats what they want. (even tho at this point they haven't) i could've reached through the phone and strangled him. there's also another reason it's bad to lose my kids and i'm not proud of this one, but it would effect me financially. i work, but i don't make alot of money and the lack of child support would make me have to move and scramble for another job.  my mind is realing trying to figure out what to do. since i've had kids, i havent' been self sufficient, (my own fault) but i need to get to a place where i don't need to rely on a man to help me financially. i would be really curious if theres any teens out there who could give me an insight on how i could communicate better with my teens.  anyway thanks for letting me vent.
prettyinpink prettyinpink
46-50, F
4 Responses Apr 11, 2007

:( No matter what you will always be their mom..they will always need you ......they are at a difficult age ....I would say give them time ......<br />
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I'm here for you .

Sorry to say, I am on the other side of the fence. Everything you write about yourself and situation I went through with my x-wife already. Both our kids live with me and my 2nd wife. If there is anything I can do to help you with your x's thinking let me know.

I have been through very similar situations & I want you to know that have my heartfelt support. <br />
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The hardest thing for me & most everyone is change. Ironically, it's the one thing that is certain in this life. Being afraid is ok, but feel the fear and do it anyway!<br />
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Your children will always be your children. You will always be their mom! No one can ever take that away from you. Your children are going through a very difficult time in their lives. It's easy at 40 to forget what it was like to be a teenager. <br />
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I wish I could just tell you that everything will be alright and you would say ok and believe it & everything would be well again. Believe it! Everything will be alright! <br />
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In so far as the financial aspect. I totally can relate. I've been in the worse of situations as single mom with little education and illness. It's a tough place to be! You can do it. You can find a more suitable place to live, and you can find a better employment situation for yourself. <br />
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I would like to recommend a book that you may be interested in reading to help with talking to your teens. It's called "How to talk so kids will listen and how to listen so kids will talk". I'm sorry I don't know the author's name. It may not be the most age appropriate for teens, but the picture is pretty clear in this book. Also check out Barbara Colaroso. <br />
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I wish you all the best on your journey of change.<br />
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Blessings,<br />
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PiscesDream

Oh my , im sorry you are going through this. But think about this... They are at a point in there lives where they need their dad. I think you may be afraid of being alone, noone to need you. That is not the case, they will always need you and love you , they are teens though as we all were at one time in our lives. You may not think like this but seems like you have been there for them for along time, you did make mistakes and alot of them we as parents try to cover over by trying to make up for them. You are human first of all and mother 2nd. You will be ok, you could just be having a door of opportunity opened for you. i hate change, but for me, alot of them were for my own good. Teens tend to run when they think that it would be nicer or easier in a different environment, but when they leave they miss what they had in the first place. you have been a single mother and have showed them what that is like, you have supported them in good and bad times, you have showed love no matter what they may have ever done, you have been a mother, and that is great, but let dad be dad, and think of yourself now , you could spend time looking for the better job, maybe take on some courses or something, relax,and be greatful that this man wants to do his part now... I hope this helps , if not im sorry but you can and will make it. Just let it be known that if this is the choice they want to make then your door,no matter where it is , is always open.