For The First Time In A Long Time.....

I am not sure if I am screaming for help....or doing my damndest to shove everyone away. I always try to the be one that will listen and help out. I try to be that shoulder. But what a ******* fake I turned out to be. How can I help others when I haven't figured out how to help myself?

The cracks have grown larger and more **** is slowly leaking through. Everyday I seem to find something else wrong with me..my life. And I don't know how much glue I have left.

This house.....this relationship....all of it is wearing me down. I don't know what to do.

We bought this mobile home. Yeah guys..I live in a ******* trailer park!!! Every damn rainstorm we find a new leak. Every week we find a new weak spot in the floor. Our pipes are always clogging. We are broke...it takes money to make things right.....money that isn't there.

"He" says talk to me when you're upset. But how can I when he doesn't listen? When I say just don't talk like that. I'm not in the mood. I hurt. Hah....that's like talking to a ******* wall. In one ear and out the other without a single thought. It isn't fair. It isn't right. I want to be heard. I want to be held.....just held.........

I can't stop my eyes from wandering when I got into town...and NO I don't mean that way. I mean they zero in on every sharp instrument and I feel that lovely urge come rushing back........... I've spent most of yesterday crying for goddess knows what reason. Everything...nothing is ******* me off all the time.

I'm lost.......
luckypickle luckypickle
26-30
4 Responses Jul 15, 2010

? I didn't get it. Resend?

i sent you message .....

*hugs tight* You know better than most do.....*sighs* I haven't cut...

Thank you FB. It just gets overwhelming...ya know?