I'm Losing My Battles On All Fronts...

Ive already written previously about my life here on EP. I am writing this story through this group because I am losing my mind now over my problems. I feel like a zombie when I'm awake, i just don't feel like doing anything, cant study, cant eat, cant function. I have no friends, i have no entertainment, i have no money, i am all alone here, i have no energy, i have no motivation. my girl Friend back home all she does is fight with me. i cant seem to make any friends, its like i don't know how, i thought i was a social person who people like but that notion seems to be incorrect. my body for some reason always suffers from aches and pains for days on end and i don't even know why.

 

this world is so indifferent, it makes the disparities in life so obvious. not only can u see the disparities between the rich and the poor but u can also see those who have a rich life, as in high quality, from those who don't like me. u can see it on the internet, how people u knew once have gone way ahead of u, they don't have a shortage in life in any way money or quality, plenty of friends and fun, never a dull moment, prime health, great grades. I'm a Christian and so I have prayed about this to God but the same situation continues on and on, i'm at the end of my endurance, next week is my birthday, what a sad day that is going to be as well. only a few will remember me then, thats what I am just a blip on peoples screen, unimportant, irrelevant.

 

its not fair, i'm fed up of this life that cant ever just cut me a break, even for one day. are we all down here on this earth for this? to live meaningless lives for no purpose or goal in mind? whose in control? thats what i want to know; why cant I have this decent life. I'm not talking about a roof and food, I'm talking quality. Why am I being left out? Am I not good enough? Am I just predestined for the hall of losers? why is this the door that I cant get through? Do you have to be rich or famous or of a certain race? Ok i say this to whoever's in charge of deciding who is going to have the good lives and whose going to have the sucky lives. Either tell me that this is how it'll be for the rest of my days and ill resign myself to my fate or tell me that one day it'll get better and tell me when that day is or tell me how I can make this life better, because no matter what I've tried, everything I have tried has gone for nothing. like i said, no friends, no interaction, no entertainment, no fun, no motivation, no cooperation, no advantages, no simplicity, no energy, no support, no encouragement, no sympathy, no health, no money, no direction, no purpose, no skill, no comparison, no hope, NO LIFE.

I'm suffocating, I cant breathe, I cant hold on any longer, why me....

lonelya lonelya
22-25, M
Mar 14, 2010