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I Feel Like Nothing I Do Is Good Enough For My Husband And Children

I have been married for almost a year to the love of my life. When we were dating he also told me how beautiful I am and how he couldnt live with out me. Now, I dont think he even likes me. Its not even been a year. Am i that horrible? Am I doing him an injustice by staying with him? I feel like nothing I do is good enough.... EVER. I buy a shirt yesterday that's his favorite color on me and he says " well, thats intresting". I got my hair cut last week and asked him what he thought about it. He said " looks the same as always, what do you want me to say?" He plays softball all the time. It seems like he puts it in front of everything else. He has left me to go play softball when I was sick, when my knee was blown out, when I had to work over. It doesnt matter. Its like he doesnt want to be with me. I love him and want to be with him but I dont think he likes me any more. How does a wife deal with that? I think he loves.... but I DO NOT think he likes me at all. He had a game tonight and he knew I had to work over. He complained and fussed about it, so I got off work then he yelled " I didnt tell you to get off work!" Ya see??? It doesnt matter what I do. Nothing is ever good enough. I feel like I just want to die. I would never kill myself because I fear the lord too much, but I have found myself lately praying for death. I want to make him happy, but it seems like the harder I try the worse it gets. He tells me to talk to him about my feelings. But when I do, its somehow my fault. Not "what can we do to fix this", but "well i cant take the complaining all the time,,, blah blah"
I feel like I make him unhappy. And when you love someone half as much as I love my husband, you want them happy no matter what. Even if it isnt with you. I dont know what to do here. I cry all the time because I'm always sad. We never make love (we have sex alot, thats not what i mean) but he never just holds me anymore. He never tells me I look good any more. I never get flowers. He never tells me I'm doing a good job with the kids, or work or the house. I just got a 15k a year raise at work and he is probably the only one in my life not to tell me he was proud of me. This are the reasons why I feel like he doesnt like me.....
I hate myself sometimes....
missmandy777 missmandy777 26-30 61 Responses Jun 22, 2010

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He is Jealous of you and he sucks. man up and leave before your married to him for 25 years and REGRET it

Is he Hungarian and did he marry you for the greencard? Just wondering.

I am so sorry for your situation, and I completely understand. Your husband sounds just like mine. We've dragged on for 4 years, and now I thin I'm going to have to "Man -Up" and leave him. You deserve so much better. You are a beautiful woman. My Hubby is a narcissist. I'm not saying yours is, but try reading about it, and be with friends, and family who love you. You don't deserve this.

Wow, your story sounds exactly like mine and I have the same questions... Whats going on? What is wrong with him. Luckily I got over the stage that I feel its my fault - that was a very long process. But I still have not the slightest idea why he behaves like that. I too would really like some insight and share with you MissMandy. For now, just know, you are not alone.. Big hugs to you. Stay strong - you are a good woman!

Miss Mandy,

My heart goes out to you.

Portland, ME
Jocelyn

Hi there,
I have been married for 13 years and there is NOTHING I do that is right at all. I have two wonderful kids who are well behaved, smart, amazing (of course they have their ups and downs) and he even complains about them. They get really good grades, they exercise, they do as he says, but he never appreciates any of us; he always screams and shouts at anything and everything. Nothing we do is ever good enough. He tells our kids they are fat all the time. He treats me with disrespect ALL the time even in front of the kids. I never get positives, flowers, gifts - except occasionally here and there, he is very stingy with money and took my name off all the accounts. I have put up with a lot because I love him and for the kids sake to grow up with their dad, and I have tried to leave him several times but couldn't. Not sure why. I guess I'm scared. I have prayed many times to die and even thought about committing suicide but I don't want to do that to my kids and my parents because I know it would kill them. I don't know what to do. He won't go to marriage counseling because everything to him is about money and how much it is even though he has the money. he spends like crazy on himself and his parents but me is another world. I'm really sad inside and been depressed way too long and don't know what to do. He's always upset from work or depressed or angry but I can't take it anymore. I don't know what to do. I hate my life, I hate myself, I hate how he treats me. But I have two gifts that God gave me and I am trying to give them the best life I can. Even though he thinks I am a horrible mom, cook, etc.
Please help.

I'm sorry u feel that way , your husband is not happy about him self, you are not doing anything. No Matter what u do to make him happy is not going to fix it. Your husband has the problem not u .

Please for the sake of your kids GET OUT - this will NOT get better this I guarantee - it gets worse. Kids will grow up thinking this is normal and choose spouses just like this. They are better off without a 'Dad' than one who behaves like this. And I know because my mother was married to a man like this and our childhood was HELL. Look up NPD - it sounds your husband has this. Read articles by Linda Martinez-Lewi she is good and you will see the truth. Lundy Bancrofts book Why does he do that? Gavin DeBeckers book The Gift of Fear, Beverly Engels book The emotionally abusive relationship. Put some money aside where he doesn't know about it (Read Carolyn Jessops book Escape as well she understands what it is to be not valued in relationship) He will never be happy with you no matter what no matter how hard you try. So leave before you waste any more years with a person WILL not be satisfied no matter how hard you try. Don't spend your life pushing a rock up a hill that is all you will be doing if you stay. What do you think you did to Deserve this treatment? You did nothing and he will invent reasons for being mad and they will be increasingly stupid and crazy making - I am married to a man like this becasue I was used to being abused as a child - he has reamed me for hours for drinking my rootbeer wrong - don't put yourself or your kids through this insanity. You will always be at fault no matter what he does. You and the kids will be blamed for HIS behaviour. Give your children the gift of a happy fear free childhood - with him they will grow up in fear. Even if you are poor they are better off poor than being yelled at for (insert reason ) for their lives and thinking it is normal.

You say you are scared to leave. There is a saying: "Happiness is on the other side of fear"

Sounds very similar to my marriage. Research Intimacy Anorexia. When I discovered it it was like an exact description of us. Hopefully you can find resolution sooner than later. It wasn't until 11 years into the relationship after years of subtle put downs and him denying he could ever do anything wrong (and not once apologizing) and only got worse over time until I caught him sexing an old high school friend. That's what it took to make him realize his behavior is hurtful, that was 2 years ago. It's been like an emotional roller coaster and I'm not sure if our marriage is repairable since there have been so many years worth of damage. My husband swears he's changed and is trying but as soon as I seem content he starts withdrawing and being selfish again.
Good luck to you, hopefully your husband with learn to value and treasure what he has. If he's not willing to love you the way any human being deserves to be then don't waste too much of your life on him because it's not fair to you or your children.

i hate myself so bad i just wanna die ..I think It would fix the pain I have caused ..if I was just gone. Out of the Way .bc I have hurt him so Bad..he hurt me to but for some reason that don't matter. WE. Never ever talk about my pain that he caused me. so. I will take all the blame. I'm so Sorry and I luv him with all my heart and soul... I just want my husband back.... But he wont cuddle anymore!! unless its leading to sex.it seems like. is the way i feel .He doesnt even know how i think or feel bc he does not wannna hear it...at least thats how he makes me feel.i try.i really do.What else can I do i try everything to make him happy....... I luv u ducky. I'm so sorry For The pain I have caused but I'm hurting also.we make love. But when I get upset cause he won't cuddle me. or tlk about things He gets mad at me.we Did both cause pain for each other. But. I don't talk or say nothing bout wat he did....bc i guess its not a big deal to him.But I hurt every second of everyday. But I Can't talk to him About that. .I'm the. Problem I'm the issue the cause.Everything. He says I do everything I can to try and make him happy...but when we make love it changes for a few then back to the pain and suffering .i hurt so bad.im tired.i so tired.im lost..... what do I do to fix my.marriage??? I want my relationship Back my husband. He says he wants me to.But he gets mad.at me at The drop of a feather... why why why............... I can't do this anymore. I hate myself I hate me and everything i am and stand for.... I just wanna sleep forever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Never wake Up seems like It would b easier on him in time

Two wrong don't make it right. If u guys still love each other there is still a chance. Trust will come in time . U guys need to earn it. Work for it if there is love .

I'm a male,living the same as you right now.If I died she wouldn't even care...I'm sorry you are feeling this way,I know your pain.

Erik

I know many men who are survivors of female partners of EA. I wish more men would come out of the shadows and feel empowered in saying, "I was hurt by someone I loved!"

I've been hurt many times by this woman,and I feel as though I still love her,yet a friend of mine has been telling me it is me feeling as though I cannot do better...who knows,all I do know is that it has taken the happiness from my life in more ways than one.I wonder,is there life/happiness after this?

Yes there is. You just have to get support.

Part of the damage done to us at survivors of emotional abuse, is that we doubt our own perception.

We often go back and replay history, trying to see what we could have done differently. The reality, NOTHING would have made her treat you kindly. Why? Because she's broken, and incapable of empathy and real love. Asking her to love you, empathize and treat you like a human being, is akin to expecting your dog to drive you to the grocery store. :-)

You can want it all you wish. But it will never happen.

The conclusion I came to: nothing short of being a mind reader, or demigod would have prevented the abuse my son and I endured by my vindictive narcissistic ex-husband.

My job now, is to protect our younger children from him and his mother's malignancy. I currently have primary custody of the kids, and he gets visitation. The truth: I'm not coparenting with him, I'm parenting, and he's babysitting.

It is hard to heal after being hoodwinked by these characters. But rest assured, the fact that you are here, and that even in the depths of her cruelty you can still find love for her, means that you are 1000 times the person she will ever hope to be.

You will be fine.

I feel the same way. Its like I love my husband but at the same time I hate him for the way he treats me. I have so much sadness, pain, hurt and scars in my heart which will never go away because of the way he treats me and the way he is with me.
I just took on a job as a secretary at a school paying peanuts (because we are now living overseas for his job as a US Army contractor) and the reason I took it is because I need the money. The job is so hectic from 6:30 am to 2:30 pm I do not breath, do not eat lunch, NOTHING; I am catering to 1000 student school with all the office work on me and one other person who is only in charge of registration. To make a long story short, I am walking backwards in my life. I graduated university, worked in great companies/banks and now I have to work like a slave for very little money; where as he is making a TON of money and keeps everything pretty much for himself. He only pays for the food. HE is very strict about spending but he buys WHATEVER pleases his eye. I'm not trying to be greedy but he is tight and that hurts too.

Happiness is taken away from me every day. I don't think I am even ALLOWED to be happy. He doesn't like it when I am happy and ruins every happy moment.

Not once do we go out with or without the kids that he doesn't make a big problem and scream at us for no big reason.

There is happiness out there but we have to fight for it. I know that much.

Every time I leave, I do get scared and run back like an idiot. But I do know this, one day I will walk away and NEVER look back.

Answer me this: why be in a marriage where there is no emotional support; no love; no trust ; no good treatment; no support financially or any other way; I mean if I had ONE of the above I would shut my mouth.

I came home crying today in the car. Its only my second day at work and I have to live in this country that I can't even stand. I make peanuts. I have a bad marriage. Its just all frustrating. I am tired. I am tired.

I hope you will find happiness. We all deserve atleast that!

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I would like to hear his side, before acting like the rest of these commenters telling you what you want to hear.

This is exactly why emotional abuse victims believe that they can't be believed, doubt their own feelings, and live in secrecy.

You don't want to hear his side, because I'll tell you what it is: he's perfect, she's flawed and he frustrated trying to fix such a flawed person. He simply just can't put up with her bullshit anymore, yet will take no real steps to improve the situation, nor leave.

He'll however oreferred to stay, be miserable and justify treating her like crap.

That's his side, because it's the side heard by thousands of therapists across the country when people come into them after experiencing years emotional abuse.

I had Prof. once say "be very careful on speaking about something of which you have no experience."

Of course you want to hear his side, because you like most people live in a "just world" Philosophy.

In other words you can't except that people can just be malicious and cruel-- it must be that person (the victim) in someway provoked or is in someway deserving of maltreatment.

Worse, she is making the whole damn thing up. This is equally as damaging as the abuse, and really has no place in this discourse.

It's called EMOTIONAL ABUSE, ladies!!!

Stop the excuse making and get out. Seriously, life is too damn short.

I volunteer at a non-profit for women recovering from abuse (emotional, physical, financial, vicarious, et al.), and the stories you ladies write here (especially the OP) I can replay in our support group.

It's abuse.

I was married to a DOCTOR (yes, you read right, an MD-doctor, that most women would fall over dead for) who was NEVER happy, ALWAYS critical, and ALWAYS found some external reason (eg. the patients, his partners, the nurses, my decision to raise our kids and not work full-time, the moon-phase, global warming, et al.), to justify being an abusive jerk to me and my oldest son. Yet, to the outside world, he was the "perfect husband/father."

Basically NOTHING will ever make these men happy, because they do NOT KNOW HOW to be happy. Hence, why they tend to find the most bubbly, forgiving, and emphatic partner to be with.

Why?

To suck YOUR HAPPINESS! When he makes you feel like crap, it makes him feel "good." Not "good" in a healthy way; "good" in a "how-dare-she-be-happy-when-I'm not" kind of way.

It's twisted and pathological, I know. And most likely has NOTHING to do with anything you've done to him. Yet, years of learned behavior, poor upbringing and good ole' fashion narcissism.

When I left my husband, I felt a mountain of pain lift off of me.Yes, it was (is) tough financially, but NOTHING I've endured since my divorce compares to the years of maddening, passive-aggressive abuse I dealt with.

Since my divorce, I have met men who looked at the same behaviors that would caused my x-husband to flip out, as "Really, that's nothing! You're human and not perfect."

Men who are emotionally healthy will have "bad days" and "be short"--because THEY ARE HUMAN. Most will recognize they are being a jerk , apologize (sincerely) and fix it.

Yet, if these "bad days" outnumber (or completely eclipse) "good days", and he finds fault in EVERYTHING (hence, justifying his nasty demeaning behavior, this is a warning sign that you're dealing with an emotional abuser.

Besides, if you were so HORRIBLE, why won't he leave YOU? I'll tell you--He needs a source to punish for his own inability to internally make himself happy.

Stop trying to fix it. Stop "praying" that he will change (BTW, THIS IS A VERY COMMON TACTIC ABUSERS USE TO GUILT THEIR PARTNER INTO STAYING, KNOWING FULL WELL THEY HAVE NO INTENTION (nor capacity) TO CHANGE.)

"Pray" for strength" , get into therapy, get a great support system, get your finances in order, cut your losses, and go.

Life is too damn short.
Tish

He is taking you for granted. Congrats on your promotion, by the way. I suggest you quit trying so hard to please him. Start taking care of YOU. Do things that make YOU happy. Join a gym, if you haven't already. Do all of the girly things like getting your hair done the way YOU like it, nails, buy perfume that YOU like. Go out and meet people for lunch that YOU enjoy being around. Start focusing on making yourself and your children happy. You have focused entirely too much energy on "pleasing" him, and he's obviously the type that becomes unappreciative instead of thanking his lucky stars that he was blessed with someone so accomodating. Maybe you don't have to be so generous in the bedroom, either. Sometimes we have to show them that the whole world doesn't necessarily revolve around them. Sometimes, ya gotta "shake the sugar tree".

"Maybe you don't have to be so generous in the bedroom, either."--WRONG ANSWER! Being manipulative and withholding has no place in a healthy marriage. If this is what one is left with, it's an indication that it might be time to leave the relationship.

Middmandy777
Girl you are a beautiful, intelligent,loving,person and u do make that child happy.......don't let that man get u twisted like that, girl I was in the same situation 2 years ago and I had to remind myself as I am doing to u
U are a bad *** chick and what man won't appreciate someone else will and I know when your in-love u don't see anything else but boo making someone suffer or hurting the person u love IS NOT LOVE!!!!!!!!!!
I don't tolerate us beautiful woman second guessing our design that was given to us by god!!!!!!girl u are a wonderful mother,wife,and person and he is lucky to have u
You will get fed up eventually and walk away like I did and I told my dude what the **** time it is!!!!!
Now we back on track and things good but him ******* up again I will dismiss his *** QUICK but I love him enough to leave if he becomes a ****!!!!!!!!!!!

Hello, I Just want to thank Dr Sanjay for the great things he has been doing for people in our country and things he has done for me,After my huband of 6years of marriage left me for another woman all because i could not give him a child,i hated myself and almost committed suicide because i truly loved my husband with all my heart. Due to this i even lost my job,Because i was always drinking and crying because i truly loved my husband with all my heart,So then i was listening to radio one faithful day and i heard someone talking about Dr Sanjay on radio, How generous and trustworthy the man is, How Dr Sanjay helped her in bringing back her ex within 24hours,i was like i need to get in touch with this man,i got a pen and wrote Dr Sanjay's number and email,So I decided to give him a call and told him how people talk about him online, I believed this man was real due to the way he spoke to me on the phone. Then he told me not to worry and he said he knows i have lost my job i was shocked and i told him yes,He said everything would be sorted out within 48hours,So i was very happy when i had that good news,Truly within 48hours i got a call from my husband saying he is very sorry for what he has done to me, he came to me in tears to forgive him which i did,As i was giving my husband a sweet cuddle i got a call from the company i worked telling me to resume work by monday,i was so happy please friend Dr Sanjay his truly a trusted man that cast real spell and a man to believe in. Dr Sanjay has made a good name here in our country. Please contact him on his private mail sanjaylandofsolution60@gmail. com

Why would you ever want to "bring back" a husband like that? Wow, you need to change your thinking, woman! I'd be thanking God for getting him out of my life.

Hi , dis is same as my story , did you got any solution please tell me also I will be grateful

I've been married 22 years and still feel he doesn't think I'm good enough, but I need to realize that, yes, I will NEVER be the wife he wants and he will never be the exact husband I want. Because we all are imperfect and will NEVER be perfect this side of heaven. I am realizing that God made me "good" (Genesis). But I do have a problem with selfishness. As well as my husband has a problem with selfishness. As well as everyone has a problem with selfishness! thats why we need a Savior (and, hay, He came to free us) I also need to realize that b/c everyone on earth is selfish, incl. my spouse, that I will never be enough for him. We aren't married to satisfy every need in our spouse! Alot of times, if a man has a problem with me, its really something he is going through personally and its not about his wife, its about him. We wives need to realize that. We wives need good good women friends and to realize our identity don't come from our husbands, but from God. Who we are in Christ is what matters....we are accepted, lovely, beautiful, whole in Christ. Even JC said "I can do nothing by myself; I can do only what I see the Father doing" (Jn. 5:19).
We can do nothing really good, but we can go through anything with God's help.
You were meant to be loved, accepted, beautiful. YOu are beautiful. Feel the love from the One who made you.
I am preaching to myself, b/c I feel like we've been going through something for 22 years! But, I need to realize, its all a part of growing. What if marriage is not for our satisfaction, but for us to grow? Just think 2 selfish people trying to live with each other. Also, 2 opposite gendered people getting along, when we think so differently! A book "His Brain, Her Brain" by Walt Larimore helped me. Also, "Men are From Mars, Women are from Venus" helped. Every day I have to tell myself, "be patient with myself, be patient w my husband" "God will not let me go through anything beyond what I can handle." Blessings to you dear! -T

I woke up to signs inside the refrigerator- saying really You cleaned this? With arrow pointing to dirty areas. Then he accused me of lying about it. Because there was sticky stuff on top shelf. Maybe someone did it after I cleaned IT!!!!!! He just decided he doesn't want dogs out in back yard because of his precious grass- so he goes outside when he gets home and checks for dog poop. He found some so another sign went up on door. DO NOT LET DOGS IN BACKYARD. LOL. He asks what I do all day? Gee- mabe I should make a log and have him initital it every night. We have been married 20 years and we have had out ups and downs... I use to make 100K a year and I traveled a lot for my job. I think thats how I survived his criticisms- plus when I was the breadwinner I had to BUILD HIm up all the time. he felt like a loser. I am no dummy. I lost my job 4 years ago and haven't been able to find another one. So due to that situation- my self esteem is already in the crapper.. He has just ground me me into the ground little by little. I feel like such a loser for even putting up with it. I don't even recognize myself anymore- I use to be vibrant- successful and happy.. I need to start building myself back up and make an exit plan. I am too embarrassed to even share this with my friends. Thanks for listening.

Reading this made me feel so sad. I am in a very bad place in my romantic life and I feel very alone and totally confused. I just turned 30 and things are unfortunatelly very far from what I had expected them to be growing up. What saddens me most about your post is that I still have this illusion in my mind that all would somehow magically transform the day I found my "better half" and we could finally start our life-long journey together. Or to put it differently, like my "real" life will only begin when I will find a man to marry and start a family with. And then to read that you are going through this after 20 years of marriage, it just feels so disarming, like the struggle never ends, like we are all, in fact, truly alone and that... Well... don't even know how to express it really... I'm really sorry you have to put up with such bs, it's truly unfair. If you would like to talk more about this, I am here to listen, I feel that maybe I could beneffit from your experience.

Having a partner who is not emotionally healthy, is lonelier than being single. Take the time to find a partner compatible for YOU, who will love you, and be a partner (not try to "change you", "make you a different person", or "need to fix you.").

Too many young ladies are interested in "the wedding" and not "the marriage".

There are indeed loving, emotionally healthy men out there, WHO ARE NOT PERFECT--as none of us are. The key is to discern when a person's "quirks" significantly impact your life ( eg. you spend too much energy trying to make THEM happy, at the detriment to your own goals, or doing things for yourself makes them unhappy).

A loving partner will RESPECT your need for self-development, happiness, personal interests, et al. A selfish partner (who's emotionally unhealthy) will punish (being mean, silent treatment, or outright abuse) you for ANY pursuits, which omit him.

Take your time. Work on yourself. That's the BEST way to attract a compatible partner.

Best!

No one can make us feel inferior without our permission.

My heart aches for you. We could be one in the same. I am in the phase of just agree to whatever b/c I am tired of my opinion being wrong, or I am stupid. I used to be social, quick witted, and overall vibrant. Now I am, well...not. A few days ago my husband actually wrote out how to strain coffee and put it in front of the coffee pot. I am not close with any relatives, have no friends, and have been unemployed for five years now. I was kind of reluctant to reply as he has a keylogger on "our" computer. Basically, I am tired. But what I am most tired of is ALWAYS being tired!!! Just emotionally exhausted. I was recently informed that I cannot go to the grocery store without him b/c I spend too much money there. Honestly, that was my only solice...no worries about pleasing, or saying the right thing...I was alone and quite frankly, I reveled in the fact. Truly, I wish I had advice. I do want to say that I rather admire you, YES, I admire you, b/c your inner old self is trying to make it's appearance known to you...to quote you, "I am no dummy" Best Wishes.

1 More Response

I feel the exact same way all the time but I think its time for me to give up bc im tired of tryin

Why would you hate yourself? You are a giving, sacrificing person. His lack of gratitude is not personal. It is a character flaw of his. He's flawed not you. You need to assert yourself and stop looking for his approval. Your approval is what is most important. I just left a relationship like this and for years thought it was me. And in a sense it was. Because I didn't think enough of myself to expect my lover to appreciate and respect me. His indifference is a form of control. If he appears unmoved by your actions it keeps you trying harder for his approval, it is a "power trip." If you are unable to win his affection, that could be a sign you deserve someone that is your equal. Someone that knows how to give and appreciate their mate as opposed to using their mate for their own inadequacies to obtain power. Good luck to you and remember the most important person that will ever love you is YOU.

I can clean the entire house and have all the laundry done and put away and when my husband walks in the door, the first thing he notices is something I didn't do, like take out the trash. When I cook supper he says things like "I wanted fried potatoes instead of mashed", or "I wanted pork, not beef" or even" this is bland and needs seasonings". I don't need a thanks or a compliment on my cooking, saying nothing at all would be better. He constantly puts me down, treats me like I am inadequate or stupid. When I try to talk to him about my feelings, he over talks me until I shut up. I honestly have not been able to tell him my feelings for years. We have been together for 15 years, married for 11. This is both of our seconds marriages and we each had children from our previous, none together. All the kids are now grown. He expects me to do things for his kid but criticizes mine. His kid is on a pedestal and mine are in the gutter. He can give his kid money yet I can't buy mine food. I used to be careful and walk on eggshells around him but I can't anymore. Just these past few weeks I have been standing up to him. When he points out what I didn't do I tell him that he can get off his lazy butt and do something. When he criticizes my cooking I tell him not to eat it, I have even gone as far as throwing it all in the trash and telling him to figure something out. And now with his and my kids which of course is the worst of it, I tell him if he is going to give his kid any money then I will give mine the same. We have both worked all the years we have been together yet I am the one that went without so our kids could have what they needed. Now with them gone, he expects me to do without so he can have his "toys". I get yelled at for spending $92 at the grocery store (no joke) and within 1/2 hour of getting yelled at he tells me he found a tractor he wants. We live in town in a subdivision with 1/2 acre of land. The tractor is for his moms farm 3 hours away. I told him he couldn't have the tractor simply because of the $92 grocery issue. He walked out the door for work and I haven't talked to him yet. Guess this evening will be interesting........

I can relate to everything that you say and how you feel. I have been with my husband since we both were 15, we are now both 37. We have been married almost 18 years and together for 22. In the beginning it was easy to fall in love with him, he did everything and more to make me feel like I was the luckiest woman in the world to have a man like him. Now fast forward to my present day life and I am honestly one of the most unhappy people in this world. I feel like everything I do is wrong, I can never do anything right in his eyes. I never hear him tell me I'm beautiful, can't remember the last time he said anything nice to me. I just want to feel wanted, but most of all I want to feel loved and appreciated. Even special occasions suck, my birthdays go un noticed, but yet it urks me to see him get on fb and wish every single woman on his friends list a happy birthday. But, when I say anything about it, he puts it off that I'm being petty and insecure. Then mothers day the past 2 years was also just another day for me, nothing at all special. Then anniversaries are also nothing special at all in his eyes, I give him cards and gifts every year, but I'm lucky to get happy anniversary from him. I love him and don't want to leave him, but lately I'm thinking that life is to short to spend it being so unhappy with someone that only notices you for all your faults, which in his eyes I must really have a lot, cause that's all he does is put me down. I feel stuck! Wish I could tell you it gets better but in my situation it hasn't and truthfully probably will never get better for me anyway.

You are definitely not alone cause I feel and wonder the exact same thing. I know god blessed me with a wonderful and perfect husband

the fact that you pray for death rather than for a resolution tells me that you are dramatic....how often to you tell him how much you appreciate him? Maybe he's an aloof ***. If that's the case, tell him how you feel, and how it's affecting your relationship. If he tells you his complaints, listen and consider them. If he doesn't want to talk or seem interested in hashing it out..leave. At least for a while...let him think about it and decide if you are worth it. If you aren't worth it to him, then he's not worth it to you either and you deserve better.

I have trust issues. making for a bad relationship with my boyfriend of two years. help ?

You sound like my wife. Mostly only concerned about how you feel and see things. I doubt you have actually spoken to him about these issues in a non judgmental way. Or give him a chance to speak his own feelings, seeing how you can't make paragraphs....Everything you said sounded like bitching. My wife feels the same way, guess what? I do everything I can and feel the same way she does! It doesn't matter because when one person cares more about themselves the marriage is in crisis.

Well this is a strongly judgmental statement. How do you know how those conversations go? Do you know some people are very bad at communicating and this may be the case? Did you ever consider perhaps they are both bad at communicating?

She is hurt and most importantly blaming herself in the sense that she is asking why he treats her this way and that she feels he doesn't like her anymore. I agree, perhaps he had stuff going on too that is causing him to act this way but marriage is also a two way street and someone needs to open up the lines of communication and it can't always be the woman because that's not fair either. So husband and wife can both be at fault here.

She is valid in how she feels because they are her feelings. I am sure you feel valid in how you feel too.

My situation is similar. Specially now that I broke my leg and we are together 24/7.Has been very difficult as he does most of the things in the house.He moans all day long, nothing that I do its good enough. I do what I can to help out like washing up or putting the washing machine on.I understand that is not easy doing so much but I am ill. ..I should be concentrate in my phisio not being sad, crying all the time. He is not handling this situation very well. He's never happy, never ask me if iam better or says something nice to me anymore .If I want to talk about my feelings or just saying that this is just a fase he just says time for the nagging. ..I fell that everything I do or say makes him angry is like it's my fault. ..
Iam losing my self esteem and feeling so lonely. .. And then he wants to make love like nothing is going on, and horse he is so sweet and lovely on that moments? ?? But the next day all the stress comes back again. HELP...

Response to all of you womens...

I've been in the same situation, where you feel as if youre not being treated the way u want to feel. Or even to be just appreciated. advice: well, i think the only permanent thing in this world is changes. Now, i want u to pay attention on how to be happy. Start it in your self, i didnt say its easy, but u must do it. You are responsble of ur own happiness.. If u want to be in the same old lovey dovey stage again with whoever,your bf or husband, start to love ur self.. when we love , we start to begin loving ourself less which i find so wrong.Did u ever ask your self when is the last time u smile with ur heart full of happiness and love? Maybe its been so long time ago, but it doesnt matter. Filled ur heart with love the first time you fall inlove with your partner without expecting anything in return from them. He is not responsible in your happiness, if he really loves you im sure he will notice you being the girl he fell in love with before. I didnt guarantee you this, bec. There is no assurrance in this world but the important thing here is u put an effort making urself happy. Just let our God do His work plans for us.. Maybe the best thing in this world for us doesnt happen yet. :) inspired ur self with this((()) love takes time. may All of u who read this be blessed by our Almighty God. Just pray, i lived myself in regret when there are times i forgot Him( Father God please help us in our present situation .. Please heal our relationship with our partner and let our hearts renewed and filled with love. Bless us Father. Womens pls start new life now, dont forget to pray :) God bless.

Response to all of you womens...

I've been in the same situation, where you feel as if youre not being treated the way u want to feel. Or even to be just appreciated. advice: well, i think the only permanent thing in this world is changes. Now, i want u to pay attention on how to be happy. Start it in your self, i didnt say its easy, but u must do it. You are responsble of ur own happiness.. If u want to be in the same old lovey dovey stage again with whoever,your bf or husband, start to love ur self.. when we love , we start to begin loving ourself less which i find so wrong.Did u ever ask your self when is the last time u smile with ur heart full of happiness and love? Maybe its been so long time ago, but it doesnt matter. Filled ur heart with love the first time you fall inlove with your partner without expecting anything in return from them. He is not responsible in your happiness, if he really loves you im sure he will notice you being the girl he fell in love with before. I didnt guarantee you this, bec. There is no assurrance in this world but the important thing here is u put an effort making urself happy. Just let our God do His work plans for us.. Maybe the best thing in this world for us doesnt happen yet. :) inspired ur self with this((()) love takes time. may All of u who read this be blessed by our Almighty God. Just pray, i lived myself in regret when there are times i forgot Him( Father God please help us in our present situation .. Please heal our relationship with our partner and let our hearts renewed and filled with love. Bless us Father. Womens pls start new life now, dont forget to pray :) God bless.

Great reminder, thank you. Needed to read this to motivate me more.
Sometimes we tend to put ourselves in second plane, trying to please our beloved one...This is fine as long as we do not lose who we are, and we tend to do so...
For the first time in our 1 year marriage i am putting my foot down, and not letting go what i considered lack of appreciation and support. Is really hard to keep yourself thought, and not bend into the old pattern.
If he is not talking to me in these days (after our fight) and not spending time with me home, instead of getting depressed and cry in the bed, i stood up, made plans with my friends, went reading to a library, and did more of the things i like. At the moment seems to be worse, as this is not my normal behavior he is even more pissed at me. I am not showing tears or sadness to him...I am tired of being the crying little chicken when we are on a fight... he must realize he crossed the line. Usually, after he crosses the line, I let go really easily. I am tired of the pattern.
I am a bit scared, this will not be back to normal, but until now i dont feel like letting go... Its all about the same topic. I dont feel i am appreciated enough, complimented enough. I moved from my home country into his country across the Atlantic, far from my family, friends and beaches. I always can do it better on his eyes... exercise more, learn the language faster, get a better job... sometimes i feel like its too much and i just want my husband to tell me "dear you are doing it great" and that happened just few times.... I hope i can show him boundaries and its not too late.

I understand what you are going through, I have been taking degrading comments, and he never stuck up for me. There is always someone that he has to keep happy more than me even is that person insults me. I have to get my own stability, don't depend on no one and leave behind what makes me miserable!.. If I get mad at him, all he does is say "stop it".. I am going to be the driver of my destiny..

This is written by a guy and not a girl.... Stop it

Reading this on a mornog after my partner had gone to work is helping me a little knowing other people are going through it too and can help... I've changed completely in the last few months, I was this strong funny girl who didn't take life to seriously, I don't get long with my family so when I moved in with my bf I classed him as my family, everything was great... Now everythings not, the last few month I've been feeling like his emotional punch bag, he takes every little thing out on me, he works and I do the housework and all the cooking and shopping etc but when I do them he finds something to have a go at me about still, and when I try to defend myself he gets worse and makes me feel so little and worthless. I feel like I'm fake laughing around him now, iwatch what I'm co stantly saying... Nothing I do is good enough yet I do live him, I cried my eyes out the second he shut the front door for work, feel so alone :( now I've got to get up and tidy up & do the shopping after the way he's treat me this morning then wait for him to et in from work to wait on him for him to be horrible again to me :( I'm only 25 and I keep thinking it should be different, not like this.

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