I Feel Like Nothing I Do Is Good Enough For My Husband And Children

I have been married for almost a year to the love of my life. When we were dating he also told me how beautiful I am and how he couldnt live with out me. Now, I dont think he even likes me. Its not even been a year. Am i that horrible? Am I doing him an injustice by staying with him? I feel like nothing I do is good enough.... EVER. I buy a shirt yesterday that's his favorite color on me and he says " well, thats intresting". I got my hair cut last week and asked him what he thought about it. He said " looks the same as always, what do you want me to say?" He plays softball all the time. It seems like he puts it in front of everything else. He has left me to go play softball when I was sick, when my knee was blown out, when I had to work over. It doesnt matter. Its like he doesnt want to be with me. I love him and want to be with him but I dont think he likes me any more. How does a wife deal with that? I think he loves.... but I DO NOT think he likes me at all. He had a game tonight and he knew I had to work over. He complained and fussed about it, so I got off work then he yelled " I didnt tell you to get off work!" Ya see??? It doesnt matter what I do. Nothing is ever good enough. I feel like I just want to die. I would never kill myself because I fear the lord too much, but I have found myself lately praying for death. I want to make him happy, but it seems like the harder I try the worse it gets. He tells me to talk to him about my feelings. But when I do, its somehow my fault. Not "what can we do to fix this", but "well i cant take the complaining all the time,,, blah blah"
I feel like I make him unhappy. And when you love someone half as much as I love my husband, you want them happy no matter what. Even if it isnt with you. I dont know what to do here. I cry all the time because I'm always sad. We never make love (we have sex alot, thats not what i mean) but he never just holds me anymore. He never tells me I look good any more. I never get flowers. He never tells me I'm doing a good job with the kids, or work or the house. I just got a 15k a year raise at work and he is probably the only one in my life not to tell me he was proud of me. This are the reasons why I feel like he doesnt like me.....
I hate myself sometimes....
missmandy777 missmandy777
83 Responses Jun 22, 2010

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I no how you feel :(. I have been with my husband going on 7 years and its been total hell! I also feel like my husband does not like me. At all.. I ignored the signs since the very beginning being blinded by love i guess thats a way to put it. The first 3 weeks were perfect he showed me so much love and compassion . Then, he went to jail so i decided to wait for him.When he got out everything changed For the worst he was very disrespectful . I dont no why i let him move in with me ,but i did and then things got even worst he would hit me and yell at me eventually i ended up prethinkthinking everything would get better and nope! It got worst he continued to be verbally , physical, and mentally abusive . Now my son is almost 4 and im so unhappy but i try to keep a smile and not let my son see whats wrong but my husband just doesn't like me. He never talks to me he doesn't sleep in the same bed as me ,he's always cheating, and ALWAYS YELLING and telling me how worthless and ugly i am. Its so hard for me to keep myself together now i never have free time he took all my friends away from me. I cant even go to the store by myself. I no i need to get out :( my son will eventually see whats going on and i love him so much i would never want to let my son down. My husband doesn't even play with our son anymore. He's always ignoring us. Sometimes i feel like he knows how to hurt me so he uses it against me. I don't understand why i just cant let our marriage go!! I guess i been fighting to long for us to fix things out but nothing is getting better :/ i will pray for all of us woman to find the way out. God bless us all.

I know how you feel as well i feel as if my husband dont like me either i try to flirt and be cute and he acts as if im a man trying to come on to him he can be the sweetest person ever then turn around and be a complete ******* to me wheb he gets mad he say he dont wanna be married or tell me to leave today the tv almost fell and i he had the laundry in his hand and he caiggt the tv and dropped the laundry so i look at my mom and said if that was me i would have broke the tv and started laughing then he says everything i do is funny im just a joke to u i gave him a compliment and he found a way to make me wrong smh i said o was saying that in a good way like youre better than me and he wasnt trying to hear smh

I know how u feel I been married almost ten years and nothing we do seems good enough for my husband. Its like walking on egg shells. We take care of my husband's farm two calves,eight pigs,goats,two horses and chickens but we never do any thing on the farm good enough. I will make sure house is spotless I clean several times a day plus help run my husband's business but there is always something he complains about. Tonight everything was done house, farm, wood was ready for wood burner, did four loads of laundry but he says my son answered him Wrong when my son called to see if his dad wanted him to go feed the animals he said he answered ok and hung up. Today my son has took care of animals twice today by himself looked for a job for many hours today and did two loads of his laundry cause yesterday they all worked on the other property where the farm is and I stayed home cause he talked down to me so bad yesterday I cried and disnt want to work with him so I stayed home and moved out room around and dining room and cleaned everything but instead of seeing what we do he finds the smallest thing to complain about. Its slowly breaking me praying helps me talking to God like he is standing in front of me help prayer it helps

I have felt like I was goi,g to pass out from crying so hard cause I try so hard and its not good enough

Run while you can. It only gets worse & you'll spend the next 20 years of your life trying to make all better like I've done for 21 years. Be happy with yourself & create a life for yourself. Trying to make him happy will NEVER work & you'll only wear yourself out.

Yesterday I made a turkey bacon and cheese sandwich. Foe myself. I asked mt husband if he wanted some. He then said yes and asked why it didn't have ketchup. I told him well this was for me, and I'm sharing with you but I can get you ketchup. He said no its fine. So today I make the same sandwich and I put ketchup on it. Because I know he loves ketchup on every thing. And when I bring him the ******* sandwich he's mad cause I put ketchup on it. So I tell him it's okay lets,trade. And he's being a total jerk. Then I say no worries and I switched half of our sandwiches now we are both even. And I hate ketchup. So now his sandwich has less ketchup. I'm being calm cool and happy and not carcastically and he still complaining upset. Saying I'm hard headed. Etc...I loverslept my hubby so much but his love is making me upset and sad and angry. No matter what i do its a problem. I'm not perfect and neither is he but damn foreal ? He's always ******* complaining about things , everything. He's a good father but sucks in the hubby area.

i know what you mean.i feel like im not good enough your not the only one.i am engaged to be married but havent tied the knot yet. he has a baby and i dont.He makes me feel like im always wrong but most men think they are always right.keep your head up we are women n we are strong dont let anyone make you feel less of a person .maybe having a talk with him would be a good idea.

From experience don't do it. Do,t get married to someone where God gives u a sign not to cause I will be fighting for a marriage that maybe be the only one fighting and I get so depressed I cry so much and only thing keeping u going is praying to God like he is right there infro,t of u cause I tried everything I can to make a happy marriage but still not good enough

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. It sounds like we live in the same house for goodness sakes. My husband doesn't like me either. The criticism, disappointment and stress trying to please him, but failing is literally stressing me to the point of anxiety attacks. I don't know what to do either and I feel like he is going to leave. I'm devastated by what our marriage has become after 12 years. I love him so deeply and just want my babe back.

I love my husband with all heart and soul, I wanna make him happy with the best thing I can do but he never the samething, his never satisfy with anything I do or I never give anything he want, but I know that blonde women he like is brave, very smart, tough that I cant be like her, he say Im stupid other man say Im beautiful redhead but she say Im the worst redhead his ever marry

Pray ask God is he the one if he is cheating then go I am facing a husband that I to am being treated as if I'm not good enough pray it helps

I am right there with you! I have no idea what to do!

I have the same issue with my husband. He always puts down my ideas and never a knowledges my efforts. He's got a bad temper and owe up at me for silly stuff. We are. It communicating at all, and he quit cimt home early at night leavings to wonder where he is and why he's not home. He has take. The wind out of my sails with his criticism and accusations. Now I just found out he was having an affair that lasted 5 months and maybe even longer because he won't share all the details. When I found out, he ended it, so he says,
But I have lost trust and am very bitter. I moved out of the house and have an apartment now closer to my job. It's only been a month since I found out and everyday I learn a new detail about the affair I didn't previously know. He's vague about the details when I ask him, and I think the only reason he stopped is because he got caught.' He's asked me fo come home. But I can't'. I feel like this whole year has been nothing but a lie and the things we built together in that house are now just a joke to me. I'm in limbo and don't know what to do. He says he doesn't either.

I am so glad that I am not the only one this happening too My fiancee and I have been together for 21 years and I have noticed that he used to love how simple I am but now ever since we moved to California he has changed he puts me down all the time the biggest thing was he blames me for why we don't have money telling me it's my fault we would have money in the bank and I am really trying to pay off my credit cards and he said instead of screwing myself I am screwing him over well he told me he wanted to pay off our debt but somehow it's my fault and if I get a job he would be mad about that and today is the first anniversary since my cousin died and he decided today that he wanted to be a jerk to me I put some Christmas bells around our bar and he flipped out on me over that because I used tape too put them up and he called me stupid and then cause we just moved about a month ago I was trying to straighten up before the handyman came put some stuff in the bottom of the closet he started yelling at me and calling me insane and going back to old habits and we had to rent a storage unit and treating me like a child saying if that is the case he will bring everything back over and trying to explain to him why everything was at the bottom he called me insane and I need locked up and I said I am not insane so as he was going out the door calling me again insane ***** so our neighbors would here and think badly of me I was so embarrassed to go outside after that I have been in tears all day today I feel like nothing I do is good enough and tomorrow is our birthday too so guess what I get to measure

while reading this it brought tears to my eyes because I could so totally relate. I work so hard at work to provide a wonderful home and things that my husband and I need and yet I feel that no matter what I do it's never enough, I see women at work who recieve flowers and gifts of love from their spouses and significant others and yet I recieve nothing from mine, He is truly the love of my life and yet I feel so upset that I am the provider and I make every effort possible to give him things and there is never any appreciation.

I feel the same way but the only contempt I hold on my heart is for my husband. I feel like if he made enough money I could do something else like finish my college degree but it's impossible I would have to win the lottery literally win the lottery because he will be a thorn in my side.

Aww that is so sad. A man is not what defines you. Love of your family children....respect of your nephews and nieces the kind things you do for strangers. Maybe he has no idea wjsy he has to lose.......get some space from him and expe t the safety net talk. You deserve better
Dinaarena@aol. Com

I'm an older man and I can relate to this. First love yourself and everything else will fall in place. If it's meant to be.

My husband is the same i have been with him 23 years and he is always asking what's wrong with me and i tell him i just want to be loved he tells me he spends all kinds of time with me and tells me he loves me why is that not good enough. We are both 39 years old and i ask him why he never wants to make love to me sometimes its like once a month and he tells me the other day that he forces himself to have sex with me. But if we r out and he sees strippers he wants to go home and have sex he doesn't care about my feelings and i feel like a piece of garbage all the time and his answer is get the **** out of my life i dont want to hear your crap no more. How can someone in one sentence say they love you and in another tell you to get out of their life that they dont want to be with you anymore. Im so upset and i feel like i dont want to live anymore i can't handle the stress and crying anymore im torn i have two kids and a grand baby i want to be here for bit on the other hand i dont want to be here cause i really can't handle the behavior that i get and he always blames me for this that i p ressuree him and he doesn't feel like a man and that im always putting him down i just want my man to love me and be with me like he really wants to like before and ive tried everything like wearing sexy lingerie and ************ and he takes pictures goes on Facebook then goes to sleep. If anybody out there has advice for me please help me cause my life is going to end soon and i dont really want it too i love him with all my heart even though i think he doesn't lo e me anymore like he says he does. Thank you

If I was you I would pack up take my losses there is aan out that will walk on water for you and every time he sees you it lights up his dsu!!!!! That is what you need

I know how u feel my husband same way It's even came down to were I have to lie to my husband because I am scared of what he say he calls me stupid all the time I feel like my marriage is not working in less he wants it to and that's not often

I am in a very similar situation, and reading your story crushed me. I identify with your situation and even though I may not be able to offer any useful advice, I will tell you this : you ARE beautiful (God made you in his image) and you are a wonderful wife (to think the way you think about making him happy shows this) and I'm proud of you for your accomplishments at work. I know raises are hard to come by these days.
So even though I may not have given you the answer you were looking for, maybe I made you smile today. Fingers crossed. ❤

You are not alone! There are many women out there that are mentally and physically abused. A misogynist will beat you down to build himself up. I have been married to one for over half of my life. I feel like you often. As yourself if you want to wake up one day in your 60s and realize you have not mad any progress or you are unemployable and have no money. Only you can change yourself. You cannot change him. Have faith in God and pray that he brings you a solution.

God grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change;
Courage to change the things I can;
And wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
As it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
If I surrender to His Will;
So that I may be reasonably happy in this life
And supremely happy with Him
Forever and ever in the next.

I will pray for you and all of the women like us.

Sounds a lot like what I'm going through.. It's 5:32 am, it's 11 degrees outside & we have no heat so I'm up shivering to pieces while he's sleeping comfortably with the one small space heater. Why is this? Because my husband farted out something so raunchy, it woke me up. So I very quietly dug thru my purse to find some perfume. but he woke up anyway & started screaming his head off at me at 3am. He just now went back to bed & is taking up the whole thing so I cant lay back down. I know if I ask him to move over, the screaming will start again, so I'm just staying up. We don't have heat, partly because he won't get a job. He claims that a local MINISTER is sabotaging him, preventing him from finding work because the guy doesn't want him to live here. But other than a few online applications I haven't really seen him try. But if I dare say so I'll regret it. Cleaning up after him & his dog is like cleaning up after an entire kindergarten class at a school for disturbed children. But if I dare take a break, he'll start yelling that I'm a lazy slob & he can't live like this. I try to tell him that until he finds work he should at least clean up after him & his dog. He yells "I SAID WE!! WEEEEEE!!" But he sits on his but while I HANDWASH our clothes, I've had to boil water for dishes, scrub dog crap out of the floor by hand, & still manage to bake my own bread. I go to bed exhausted, then when I wake up the next morning all my work is gone. Cleaning up after the dog didn't used to bother me so much even though it's his dog. but that was before I lost my cats. I kept trying to tell him I didn't want them outside & he kept putting them out anyway. Now Roxi has disappeared & Gabriel is buried in the back yard in a trash bag! All because I wasn't allowed to keep him inside where it's safe! I lost my babies because of him. :'( I'm at the point where I want to leave, but I have nowhere to go. If I leave him I leave to go live under a bridge! I'm already barely surviving. When I married him, I was 35 & looked 20. Now I'm 36 & look 50. My super long hair has broken off so much from not being able to take care of it that I'm thinking about cutting it, even though it's against my religion to have short hair. I used to take long, luxurious bubble baths every day aside from my shower. Now if I'm lucky, I get to take a quick, in&out shower when I start to smell. The environment he's creating is that bad. I haven't left this house in 5 months because I'm ashamed to be seen in public. I don't want to run into anybody I know. But none of it is his fault, it's all just my laziness. I work work work so much I have no time for myself, it's 11 degrees with busted windows & no heat, clothes take days to dry on the line it's so cold out, but if I want a shower, "It's right there" he says. I've learned to just say "Okay honey" because if I try to reason with him, he blows up in my face again. My mom stayed with us a few months & left some things when she moved out. When my friend brought my mom over to get her things, my husband was drunk (even though he promised he wouldn't drink anymore) & he pulled a knife on my friend & his pregnant wife. Because they were in our home, the police gave THEM trespassing tickets! So now I'm thinking they'll never talk to me again. & Roxi my cat disappeared that night. After everybody left & I was going to bed, she was in the bed with me when I went to sleep & when I woke up she was gone. I'm starting to think he stepped on her stumbling around drunk & got rid of her before I woke up so I wouldn't know! She was all I had left & now I don't have a friend in the world. I don't know what to do. I'm stuck. We live off of my TINY govt check & I owe an old electric bill so everything here is in his name (which he holds over my head all the time.) I can't find as much as a hole in the wall that's utilities paid. Can't live without utilities because for some reason the govt thinks lights and a TV are necessities. So I'm stuck until either I win the lottery or God gives me a miracle.

I don't know where you are currently at in your life but if you haven't left yet you need to. Go to a women's center in your area. They will house you and completely take care of you you will form friends in the same position and they will also help you get a job. All you need to bring is you. They are so truly helpful. You are worth so much more. Please don't settle.

Hey miss MandyYou mentioned the Lord in this.. I'd like to point you to a sermon series that gave me insight and encouragement to remain a righteous, praiseworth and faithful wife through times like these...My husband and I haven't been able to have kids yet.. But I certainly know what it feels like to be his last priority.. I know what its like to feel like the state of your marriage is your burden, alone, to bare.. And I know what it's like to just want your husband to be happy.. It's a lonely and exhausting journey.. But there is hope for women like you and I... Hope in Jesus Christ ... Check out this series Eve and Adam..It's on the newspring church website. Series: Eve and Adam

It's called control, also mental abuse. You probably outshine him so he does all he can to belittle and demean, downsize you. You're probably too good for him and that's his problem. He knows it. When you're abused you are verbally and mentally beaten into submission and lose all fight, lose yourself. If you want to save yourself you need to get some legal counseling now without him knowing it. Find what you need to do now to prepare to save yourself financially and in a court of law. Keep records, write everything down. Make copies of documents and legal papers, bank statements. Come up swinging and fight for your life.

I'm so sorry I have three kids and it's the exact thing but he is verbally and mentally abusive swears and yells but in front of people he is super nice so no one believes me he also makes all the money and if he leaves me I'm guaranteed to lose my house and car and he works for my parents and runs there company which supports a lot of people I feel like I'm in jail everyday of my life to make it worse after he throws a fit he feels awful for what he did and buys me everything but the next morning throws another fit

I am married to this pharmacist who thinks exactly like your husbands. He thinks everyone else is below his socioeconomic status. He is Mr Know it all. God knows what he did to built his fortune. He thinks he owns you, and has the right to treat you like that. belittling you and suppressing you and treating you like you are worth nothing. I have 2 masters degrees and I'm employed and he even gets insurance from me. He told me countless times i'm worth nothing if it wasn't for him. BTW i had my educational degrees before i met him. he has to take credit for everything. He says if it wasn't for me you'd me begging on the streets. He said many times after i had my baby that he deserves someone better than me. I'm just an employee, I'm not an entrepreneur like him... he is So smart, I'm an idiot . Imagine what kind of language he uses instead of respect.

I earn a living and have money but he made me put his name on my account so he can manage it, yet there is not a single account of his with my name on it. His house is paid off and all the properties he has, he has not added my name on it.

If i have to spend a penny i have to beg him to give me a 100$ for groceries. BTW he hates using credit cards because he thinks people can track everything and he makes us use cash only.

On top of all this problems his mom lives with us. who is a total psycho. If the attention shifts a bit from her, she complains of chest pain. They have done stress tests, echo, cardiac markers, x-ray everything is normal, which leaves her to have one type of chest pain: the psychogenic one. which happens when she gets panic attacks. We had the Christmas party and invited few friends over, she complained of chest pain and her granddaughter and my husband spend most of the time with her, and left me to entertain the guests. When i had my little boy and the attention shifted from her again she created the same story.

It's like i am stuck with an abusive husband and his psycho mom. me and my baby are just victims of this guy. at the beginning i used to think this will get better, but apparently it doesn't so what i do is ignore them both. Till my baby gets older cause he threatened me if i leave he will take my baby from me. So i'll stay till my baby is old enough to make decisions and then leave him. currently i totally ignore him. As if they are not part of this family. My baby and me we do everything together and one day we will be free of this man.

God does help, and he is always there to protect us. His mom was fighting with me and 2 days later she got admitted to the hospital and stayed there for 7days. Trust me God will teach these people a lesson they won't forget, it's just gonna need time. One day he'll realize he is all by himself living in a nursing home ........

You won't survive 15 years of this. You won't be able to stay until your child is old enough to make a choice. You must prepare yourself for a legal battle without him knowing it. Get copies of everything and put them in a safe place. Get these conversations on video......without him knowing it. Write everything down....keep it in a safe place. Consult with a lawyer and find out what your rights are. Most do consultations for free.

He is Jealous of you and he sucks. man up and leave before your married to him for 25 years and REGRET it

Is he Hungarian and did he marry you for the greencard? Just wondering.

I am so sorry for your situation, and I completely understand. Your husband sounds just like mine. We've dragged on for 4 years, and now I thin I'm going to have to "Man -Up" and leave him. You deserve so much better. You are a beautiful woman. My Hubby is a narcissist. I'm not saying yours is, but try reading about it, and be with friends, and family who love you. You don't deserve this.

Wow, your story sounds exactly like mine and I have the same questions... Whats going on? What is wrong with him. Luckily I got over the stage that I feel its my fault - that was a very long process. But I still have not the slightest idea why he behaves like that. I too would really like some insight and share with you MissMandy. For now, just know, you are not alone.. Big hugs to you. Stay strong - you are a good woman!

Miss Mandy,

My heart goes out to you.

Portland, ME

Hi there,
I have been married for 13 years and there is NOTHING I do that is right at all. I have two wonderful kids who are well behaved, smart, amazing (of course they have their ups and downs) and he even complains about them. They get really good grades, they exercise, they do as he says, but he never appreciates any of us; he always screams and shouts at anything and everything. Nothing we do is ever good enough. He tells our kids they are fat all the time. He treats me with disrespect ALL the time even in front of the kids. I never get positives, flowers, gifts - except occasionally here and there, he is very stingy with money and took my name off all the accounts. I have put up with a lot because I love him and for the kids sake to grow up with their dad, and I have tried to leave him several times but couldn't. Not sure why. I guess I'm scared. I have prayed many times to die and even thought about committing suicide but I don't want to do that to my kids and my parents because I know it would kill them. I don't know what to do. He won't go to marriage counseling because everything to him is about money and how much it is even though he has the money. he spends like crazy on himself and his parents but me is another world. I'm really sad inside and been depressed way too long and don't know what to do. He's always upset from work or depressed or angry but I can't take it anymore. I don't know what to do. I hate my life, I hate myself, I hate how he treats me. But I have two gifts that God gave me and I am trying to give them the best life I can. Even though he thinks I am a horrible mom, cook, etc.
Please help.

I'm sorry u feel that way , your husband is not happy about him self, you are not doing anything. No Matter what u do to make him happy is not going to fix it. Your husband has the problem not u .

Please for the sake of your kids GET OUT - this will NOT get better this I guarantee - it gets worse. Kids will grow up thinking this is normal and choose spouses just like this. They are better off without a 'Dad' than one who behaves like this. And I know because my mother was married to a man like this and our childhood was HELL. Look up NPD - it sounds your husband has this. Read articles by Linda Martinez-Lewi she is good and you will see the truth. Lundy Bancrofts book Why does he do that? Gavin DeBeckers book The Gift of Fear, Beverly Engels book The emotionally abusive relationship. Put some money aside where he doesn't know about it (Read Carolyn Jessops book Escape as well she understands what it is to be not valued in relationship) He will never be happy with you no matter what no matter how hard you try. So leave before you waste any more years with a person WILL not be satisfied no matter how hard you try. Don't spend your life pushing a rock up a hill that is all you will be doing if you stay. What do you think you did to Deserve this treatment? You did nothing and he will invent reasons for being mad and they will be increasingly stupid and crazy making - I am married to a man like this becasue I was used to being abused as a child - he has reamed me for hours for drinking my rootbeer wrong - don't put yourself or your kids through this insanity. You will always be at fault no matter what he does. You and the kids will be blamed for HIS behaviour. Give your children the gift of a happy fear free childhood - with him they will grow up in fear. Even if you are poor they are better off poor than being yelled at for (insert reason ) for their lives and thinking it is normal.

You say you are scared to leave. There is a saying: "Happiness is on the other side of fear"

You may love the man he used to be and always will love that man, but you can not love a man who treats you this way and holds you prisoner with his actions. You are afraid not to love. You are afraid to stand up, to say "I Matter." Please find someone to talk to who can help you be strong enough to stand up for yourself.

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Sounds very similar to my marriage. Research Intimacy Anorexia. When I discovered it it was like an exact description of us. Hopefully you can find resolution sooner than later. It wasn't until 11 years into the relationship after years of subtle put downs and him denying he could ever do anything wrong (and not once apologizing) and only got worse over time until I caught him sexing an old high school friend. That's what it took to make him realize his behavior is hurtful, that was 2 years ago. It's been like an emotional roller coaster and I'm not sure if our marriage is repairable since there have been so many years worth of damage. My husband swears he's changed and is trying but as soon as I seem content he starts withdrawing and being selfish again.
Good luck to you, hopefully your husband with learn to value and treasure what he has. If he's not willing to love you the way any human being deserves to be then don't waste too much of your life on him because it's not fair to you or your children.

i hate myself so bad i just wanna die ..I think It would fix the pain I have caused ..if I was just gone. Out of the Way .bc I have hurt him so Bad..he hurt me to but for some reason that don't matter. WE. Never ever talk about my pain that he caused me. so. I will take all the blame. I'm so Sorry and I luv him with all my heart and soul... I just want my husband back.... But he wont cuddle anymore!! unless its leading to sex.it seems like. is the way i feel .He doesnt even know how i think or feel bc he does not wannna hear it...at least thats how he makes me feel.i try.i really do.What else can I do i try everything to make him happy....... I luv u ducky. I'm so sorry For The pain I have caused but I'm hurting also.we make love. But when I get upset cause he won't cuddle me. or tlk about things He gets mad at me.we Did both cause pain for each other. But. I don't talk or say nothing bout wat he did....bc i guess its not a big deal to him.But I hurt every second of everyday. But I Can't talk to him About that. .I'm the. Problem I'm the issue the cause.Everything. He says I do everything I can to try and make him happy...but when we make love it changes for a few then back to the pain and suffering .i hurt so bad.im tired.i so tired.im lost..... what do I do to fix my.marriage??? I want my relationship Back my husband. He says he wants me to.But he gets mad.at me at The drop of a feather... why why why............... I can't do this anymore. I hate myself I hate me and everything i am and stand for.... I just wanna sleep forever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Never wake Up seems like It would b easier on him in time

Two wrong don't make it right. If u guys still love each other there is still a chance. Trust will come in time . U guys need to earn it. Work for it if there is love .

I'm a male,living the same as you right now.If I died she wouldn't even care...I'm sorry you are feeling this way,I know your pain.


I know many men who are survivors of female partners of EA. I wish more men would come out of the shadows and feel empowered in saying, "I was hurt by someone I loved!"

I've been hurt many times by this woman,and I feel as though I still love her,yet a friend of mine has been telling me it is me feeling as though I cannot do better...who knows,all I do know is that it has taken the happiness from my life in more ways than one.I wonder,is there life/happiness after this?

Yes there is. You just have to get support.

Part of the damage done to us at survivors of emotional abuse, is that we doubt our own perception.

We often go back and replay history, trying to see what we could have done differently. The reality, NOTHING would have made her treat you kindly. Why? Because she's broken, and incapable of empathy and real love. Asking her to love you, empathize and treat you like a human being, is akin to expecting your dog to drive you to the grocery store. :-)

You can want it all you wish. But it will never happen.

The conclusion I came to: nothing short of being a mind reader, or demigod would have prevented the abuse my son and I endured by my vindictive narcissistic ex-husband.

My job now, is to protect our younger children from him and his mother's malignancy. I currently have primary custody of the kids, and he gets visitation. The truth: I'm not coparenting with him, I'm parenting, and he's babysitting.

It is hard to heal after being hoodwinked by these characters. But rest assured, the fact that you are here, and that even in the depths of her cruelty you can still find love for her, means that you are 1000 times the person she will ever hope to be.

You will be fine.

I feel the same way. Its like I love my husband but at the same time I hate him for the way he treats me. I have so much sadness, pain, hurt and scars in my heart which will never go away because of the way he treats me and the way he is with me.
I just took on a job as a secretary at a school paying peanuts (because we are now living overseas for his job as a US Army contractor) and the reason I took it is because I need the money. The job is so hectic from 6:30 am to 2:30 pm I do not breath, do not eat lunch, NOTHING; I am catering to 1000 student school with all the office work on me and one other person who is only in charge of registration. To make a long story short, I am walking backwards in my life. I graduated university, worked in great companies/banks and now I have to work like a slave for very little money; where as he is making a TON of money and keeps everything pretty much for himself. He only pays for the food. HE is very strict about spending but he buys WHATEVER pleases his eye. I'm not trying to be greedy but he is tight and that hurts too.

Happiness is taken away from me every day. I don't think I am even ALLOWED to be happy. He doesn't like it when I am happy and ruins every happy moment.

Not once do we go out with or without the kids that he doesn't make a big problem and scream at us for no big reason.

There is happiness out there but we have to fight for it. I know that much.

Every time I leave, I do get scared and run back like an idiot. But I do know this, one day I will walk away and NEVER look back.

Answer me this: why be in a marriage where there is no emotional support; no love; no trust ; no good treatment; no support financially or any other way; I mean if I had ONE of the above I would shut my mouth.

I came home crying today in the car. Its only my second day at work and I have to live in this country that I can't even stand. I make peanuts. I have a bad marriage. Its just all frustrating. I am tired. I am tired.

I hope you will find happiness. We all deserve atleast that!

mee too, his say Im dumb and ginger, I always make him happy but he never do the same, the worst thing his say other blonde woman are better than me

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I would like to hear his side, before acting like the rest of these commenters telling you what you want to hear.

This is exactly why emotional abuse victims believe that they can't be believed, doubt their own feelings, and live in secrecy.

You don't want to hear his side, because I'll tell you what it is: he's perfect, she's flawed and he frustrated trying to fix such a flawed person. He simply just can't put up with her bullshit anymore, yet will take no real steps to improve the situation, nor leave.

He'll however oreferred to stay, be miserable and justify treating her like crap.

That's his side, because it's the side heard by thousands of therapists across the country when people come into them after experiencing years emotional abuse.

I had Prof. once say "be very careful on speaking about something of which you have no experience."

Of course you want to hear his side, because you like most people live in a "just world" Philosophy.

In other words you can't except that people can just be malicious and cruel-- it must be that person (the victim) in someway provoked or is in someway deserving of maltreatment.

Worse, she is making the whole damn thing up. This is equally as damaging as the abuse, and really has no place in this discourse.

It's called EMOTIONAL ABUSE, ladies!!!

Stop the excuse making and get out. Seriously, life is too damn short.

I volunteer at a non-profit for women recovering from abuse (emotional, physical, financial, vicarious, et al.), and the stories you ladies write here (especially the OP) I can replay in our support group.

It's abuse.

I was married to a DOCTOR (yes, you read right, an MD-doctor, that most women would fall over dead for) who was NEVER happy, ALWAYS critical, and ALWAYS found some external reason (eg. the patients, his partners, the nurses, my decision to raise our kids and not work full-time, the moon-phase, global warming, et al.), to justify being an abusive jerk to me and my oldest son. Yet, to the outside world, he was the "perfect husband/father."

Basically NOTHING will ever make these men happy, because they do NOT KNOW HOW to be happy. Hence, why they tend to find the most bubbly, forgiving, and emphatic partner to be with.


To suck YOUR HAPPINESS! When he makes you feel like crap, it makes him feel "good." Not "good" in a healthy way; "good" in a "how-dare-she-be-happy-when-I'm not" kind of way.

It's twisted and pathological, I know. And most likely has NOTHING to do with anything you've done to him. Yet, years of learned behavior, poor upbringing and good ole' fashion narcissism.

When I left my husband, I felt a mountain of pain lift off of me.Yes, it was (is) tough financially, but NOTHING I've endured since my divorce compares to the years of maddening, passive-aggressive abuse I dealt with.

Since my divorce, I have met men who looked at the same behaviors that would caused my x-husband to flip out, as "Really, that's nothing! You're human and not perfect."

Men who are emotionally healthy will have "bad days" and "be short"--because THEY ARE HUMAN. Most will recognize they are being a jerk , apologize (sincerely) and fix it.

Yet, if these "bad days" outnumber (or completely eclipse) "good days", and he finds fault in EVERYTHING (hence, justifying his nasty demeaning behavior, this is a warning sign that you're dealing with an emotional abuser.

Besides, if you were so HORRIBLE, why won't he leave YOU? I'll tell you--He needs a source to punish for his own inability to internally make himself happy.


"Pray" for strength" , get into therapy, get a great support system, get your finances in order, cut your losses, and go.

Life is too damn short.

He is taking you for granted. Congrats on your promotion, by the way. I suggest you quit trying so hard to please him. Start taking care of YOU. Do things that make YOU happy. Join a gym, if you haven't already. Do all of the girly things like getting your hair done the way YOU like it, nails, buy perfume that YOU like. Go out and meet people for lunch that YOU enjoy being around. Start focusing on making yourself and your children happy. You have focused entirely too much energy on "pleasing" him, and he's obviously the type that becomes unappreciative instead of thanking his lucky stars that he was blessed with someone so accomodating. Maybe you don't have to be so generous in the bedroom, either. Sometimes we have to show them that the whole world doesn't necessarily revolve around them. Sometimes, ya gotta "shake the sugar tree".

"Maybe you don't have to be so generous in the bedroom, either."--WRONG ANSWER! Being manipulative and withholding has no place in a healthy marriage. If this is what one is left with, it's an indication that it might be time to leave the relationship.

Girl you are a beautiful, intelligent,loving,person and u do make that child happy.......don't let that man get u twisted like that, girl I was in the same situation 2 years ago and I had to remind myself as I am doing to u
U are a bad *** chick and what man won't appreciate someone else will and I know when your in-love u don't see anything else but boo making someone suffer or hurting the person u love IS NOT LOVE!!!!!!!!!!
I don't tolerate us beautiful woman second guessing our design that was given to us by god!!!!!!girl u are a wonderful mother,wife,and person and he is lucky to have u
You will get fed up eventually and walk away like I did and I told my dude what the **** time it is!!!!!
Now we back on track and things good but him ******* up again I will dismiss his *** QUICK but I love him enough to leave if he becomes a ****!!!!!!!!!!!

Hello, I Just want to thank Dr Sanjay for the great things he has been doing for people in our country and things he has done for me,After my huband of 6years of marriage left me for another woman all because i could not give him a child,i hated myself and almost committed suicide because i truly loved my husband with all my heart. Due to this i even lost my job,Because i was always drinking and crying because i truly loved my husband with all my heart,So then i was listening to radio one faithful day and i heard someone talking about Dr Sanjay on radio, How generous and trustworthy the man is, How Dr Sanjay helped her in bringing back her ex within 24hours,i was like i need to get in touch with this man,i got a pen and wrote Dr Sanjay's number and email,So I decided to give him a call and told him how people talk about him online, I believed this man was real due to the way he spoke to me on the phone. Then he told me not to worry and he said he knows i have lost my job i was shocked and i told him yes,He said everything would be sorted out within 48hours,So i was very happy when i had that good news,Truly within 48hours i got a call from my husband saying he is very sorry for what he has done to me, he came to me in tears to forgive him which i did,As i was giving my husband a sweet cuddle i got a call from the company i worked telling me to resume work by monday,i was so happy please friend Dr Sanjay his truly a trusted man that cast real spell and a man to believe in. Dr Sanjay has made a good name here in our country. Please contact him on his private mail sanjaylandofsolution60@gmail. com

Why would you ever want to "bring back" a husband like that? Wow, you need to change your thinking, woman! I'd be thanking God for getting him out of my life.

Hi , dis is same as my story , did you got any solution please tell me also I will be grateful

I've been married 22 years and still feel he doesn't think I'm good enough, but I need to realize that, yes, I will NEVER be the wife he wants and he will never be the exact husband I want. Because we all are imperfect and will NEVER be perfect this side of heaven. I am realizing that God made me "good" (Genesis). But I do have a problem with selfishness. As well as my husband has a problem with selfishness. As well as everyone has a problem with selfishness! thats why we need a Savior (and, hay, He came to free us) I also need to realize that b/c everyone on earth is selfish, incl. my spouse, that I will never be enough for him. We aren't married to satisfy every need in our spouse! Alot of times, if a man has a problem with me, its really something he is going through personally and its not about his wife, its about him. We wives need to realize that. We wives need good good women friends and to realize our identity don't come from our husbands, but from God. Who we are in Christ is what matters....we are accepted, lovely, beautiful, whole in Christ. Even JC said "I can do nothing by myself; I can do only what I see the Father doing" (Jn. 5:19).
We can do nothing really good, but we can go through anything with God's help.
You were meant to be loved, accepted, beautiful. YOu are beautiful. Feel the love from the One who made you.
I am preaching to myself, b/c I feel like we've been going through something for 22 years! But, I need to realize, its all a part of growing. What if marriage is not for our satisfaction, but for us to grow? Just think 2 selfish people trying to live with each other. Also, 2 opposite gendered people getting along, when we think so differently! A book "His Brain, Her Brain" by Walt Larimore helped me. Also, "Men are From Mars, Women are from Venus" helped. Every day I have to tell myself, "be patient with myself, be patient w my husband" "God will not let me go through anything beyond what I can handle." Blessings to you dear! -T

I woke up to signs inside the refrigerator- saying really You cleaned this? With arrow pointing to dirty areas. Then he accused me of lying about it. Because there was sticky stuff on top shelf. Maybe someone did it after I cleaned IT!!!!!! He just decided he doesn't want dogs out in back yard because of his precious grass- so he goes outside when he gets home and checks for dog poop. He found some so another sign went up on door. DO NOT LET DOGS IN BACKYARD. LOL. He asks what I do all day? Gee- mabe I should make a log and have him initital it every night. We have been married 20 years and we have had out ups and downs... I use to make 100K a year and I traveled a lot for my job. I think thats how I survived his criticisms- plus when I was the breadwinner I had to BUILD HIm up all the time. he felt like a loser. I am no dummy. I lost my job 4 years ago and haven't been able to find another one. So due to that situation- my self esteem is already in the crapper.. He has just ground me me into the ground little by little. I feel like such a loser for even putting up with it. I don't even recognize myself anymore- I use to be vibrant- successful and happy.. I need to start building myself back up and make an exit plan. I am too embarrassed to even share this with my friends. Thanks for listening.

Reading this made me feel so sad. I am in a very bad place in my romantic life and I feel very alone and totally confused. I just turned 30 and things are unfortunatelly very far from what I had expected them to be growing up. What saddens me most about your post is that I still have this illusion in my mind that all would somehow magically transform the day I found my "better half" and we could finally start our life-long journey together. Or to put it differently, like my "real" life will only begin when I will find a man to marry and start a family with. And then to read that you are going through this after 20 years of marriage, it just feels so disarming, like the struggle never ends, like we are all, in fact, truly alone and that... Well... don't even know how to express it really... I'm really sorry you have to put up with such bs, it's truly unfair. If you would like to talk more about this, I am here to listen, I feel that maybe I could beneffit from your experience.

Having a partner who is not emotionally healthy, is lonelier than being single. Take the time to find a partner compatible for YOU, who will love you, and be a partner (not try to "change you", "make you a different person", or "need to fix you.").

Too many young ladies are interested in "the wedding" and not "the marriage".

There are indeed loving, emotionally healthy men out there, WHO ARE NOT PERFECT--as none of us are. The key is to discern when a person's "quirks" significantly impact your life ( eg. you spend too much energy trying to make THEM happy, at the detriment to your own goals, or doing things for yourself makes them unhappy).

A loving partner will RESPECT your need for self-development, happiness, personal interests, et al. A selfish partner (who's emotionally unhealthy) will punish (being mean, silent treatment, or outright abuse) you for ANY pursuits, which omit him.

Take your time. Work on yourself. That's the BEST way to attract a compatible partner.


No one can make us feel inferior without our permission.

My heart aches for you. We could be one in the same. I am in the phase of just agree to whatever b/c I am tired of my opinion being wrong, or I am stupid. I used to be social, quick witted, and overall vibrant. Now I am, well...not. A few days ago my husband actually wrote out how to strain coffee and put it in front of the coffee pot. I am not close with any relatives, have no friends, and have been unemployed for five years now. I was kind of reluctant to reply as he has a keylogger on "our" computer. Basically, I am tired. But what I am most tired of is ALWAYS being tired!!! Just emotionally exhausted. I was recently informed that I cannot go to the grocery store without him b/c I spend too much money there. Honestly, that was my only solice...no worries about pleasing, or saying the right thing...I was alone and quite frankly, I reveled in the fact. Truly, I wish I had advice. I do want to say that I rather admire you, YES, I admire you, b/c your inner old self is trying to make it's appearance known to you...to quote you, "I am no dummy" Best Wishes.

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I feel the exact same way all the time but I think its time for me to give up bc im tired of tryin

Why would you hate yourself? You are a giving, sacrificing person. His lack of gratitude is not personal. It is a character flaw of his. He's flawed not you. You need to assert yourself and stop looking for his approval. Your approval is what is most important. I just left a relationship like this and for years thought it was me. And in a sense it was. Because I didn't think enough of myself to expect my lover to appreciate and respect me. His indifference is a form of control. If he appears unmoved by your actions it keeps you trying harder for his approval, it is a "power trip." If you are unable to win his affection, that could be a sign you deserve someone that is your equal. Someone that knows how to give and appreciate their mate as opposed to using their mate for their own inadequacies to obtain power. Good luck to you and remember the most important person that will ever love you is YOU.

I can clean the entire house and have all the laundry done and put away and when my husband walks in the door, the first thing he notices is something I didn't do, like take out the trash. When I cook supper he says things like "I wanted fried potatoes instead of mashed", or "I wanted pork, not beef" or even" this is bland and needs seasonings". I don't need a thanks or a compliment on my cooking, saying nothing at all would be better. He constantly puts me down, treats me like I am inadequate or stupid. When I try to talk to him about my feelings, he over talks me until I shut up. I honestly have not been able to tell him my feelings for years. We have been together for 15 years, married for 11. This is both of our seconds marriages and we each had children from our previous, none together. All the kids are now grown. He expects me to do things for his kid but criticizes mine. His kid is on a pedestal and mine are in the gutter. He can give his kid money yet I can't buy mine food. I used to be careful and walk on eggshells around him but I can't anymore. Just these past few weeks I have been standing up to him. When he points out what I didn't do I tell him that he can get off his lazy butt and do something. When he criticizes my cooking I tell him not to eat it, I have even gone as far as throwing it all in the trash and telling him to figure something out. And now with his and my kids which of course is the worst of it, I tell him if he is going to give his kid any money then I will give mine the same. We have both worked all the years we have been together yet I am the one that went without so our kids could have what they needed. Now with them gone, he expects me to do without so he can have his "toys". I get yelled at for spending $92 at the grocery store (no joke) and within 1/2 hour of getting yelled at he tells me he found a tractor he wants. We live in town in a subdivision with 1/2 acre of land. The tractor is for his moms farm 3 hours away. I told him he couldn't have the tractor simply because of the $92 grocery issue. He walked out the door for work and I haven't talked to him yet. Guess this evening will be interesting........

I can relate to everything that you say and how you feel. I have been with my husband since we both were 15, we are now both 37. We have been married almost 18 years and together for 22. In the beginning it was easy to fall in love with him, he did everything and more to make me feel like I was the luckiest woman in the world to have a man like him. Now fast forward to my present day life and I am honestly one of the most unhappy people in this world. I feel like everything I do is wrong, I can never do anything right in his eyes. I never hear him tell me I'm beautiful, can't remember the last time he said anything nice to me. I just want to feel wanted, but most of all I want to feel loved and appreciated. Even special occasions suck, my birthdays go un noticed, but yet it urks me to see him get on fb and wish every single woman on his friends list a happy birthday. But, when I say anything about it, he puts it off that I'm being petty and insecure. Then mothers day the past 2 years was also just another day for me, nothing at all special. Then anniversaries are also nothing special at all in his eyes, I give him cards and gifts every year, but I'm lucky to get happy anniversary from him. I love him and don't want to leave him, but lately I'm thinking that life is to short to spend it being so unhappy with someone that only notices you for all your faults, which in his eyes I must really have a lot, cause that's all he does is put me down. I feel stuck! Wish I could tell you it gets better but in my situation it hasn't and truthfully probably will never get better for me anyway.

You are definitely not alone cause I feel and wonder the exact same thing. I know god blessed me with a wonderful and perfect husband

the fact that you pray for death rather than for a resolution tells me that you are dramatic....how often to you tell him how much you appreciate him? Maybe he's an aloof ***. If that's the case, tell him how you feel, and how it's affecting your relationship. If he tells you his complaints, listen and consider them. If he doesn't want to talk or seem interested in hashing it out..leave. At least for a while...let him think about it and decide if you are worth it. If you aren't worth it to him, then he's not worth it to you either and you deserve better.

I have trust issues. making for a bad relationship with my boyfriend of two years. help ?

You sound like my wife. Mostly only concerned about how you feel and see things. I doubt you have actually spoken to him about these issues in a non judgmental way. Or give him a chance to speak his own feelings, seeing how you can't make paragraphs....Everything you said sounded like bitching. My wife feels the same way, guess what? I do everything I can and feel the same way she does! It doesn't matter because when one person cares more about themselves the marriage is in crisis.

Well this is a strongly judgmental statement. How do you know how those conversations go? Do you know some people are very bad at communicating and this may be the case? Did you ever consider perhaps they are both bad at communicating?

She is hurt and most importantly blaming herself in the sense that she is asking why he treats her this way and that she feels he doesn't like her anymore. I agree, perhaps he had stuff going on too that is causing him to act this way but marriage is also a two way street and someone needs to open up the lines of communication and it can't always be the woman because that's not fair either. So husband and wife can both be at fault here.

She is valid in how she feels because they are her feelings. I am sure you feel valid in how you feel too.

just because your a man, doesnt mean you always right, remember that

you must know how hard your wife take care of you and your famiy and son, cook for you and clean your husband, they try to make you happy but you never appreciate and respect that

My situation is similar. Specially now that I broke my leg and we are together 24/7.Has been very difficult as he does most of the things in the house.He moans all day long, nothing that I do its good enough. I do what I can to help out like washing up or putting the washing machine on.I understand that is not easy doing so much but I am ill. ..I should be concentrate in my phisio not being sad, crying all the time. He is not handling this situation very well. He's never happy, never ask me if iam better or says something nice to me anymore .If I want to talk about my feelings or just saying that this is just a fase he just says time for the nagging. ..I fell that everything I do or say makes him angry is like it's my fault. ..
Iam losing my self esteem and feeling so lonely. .. And then he wants to make love like nothing is going on, and horse he is so sweet and lovely on that moments? ?? But the next day all the stress comes back again. HELP...

Response to all of you womens...

I've been in the same situation, where you feel as if youre not being treated the way u want to feel. Or even to be just appreciated. advice: well, i think the only permanent thing in this world is changes. Now, i want u to pay attention on how to be happy. Start it in your self, i didnt say its easy, but u must do it. You are responsble of ur own happiness.. If u want to be in the same old lovey dovey stage again with whoever,your bf or husband, start to love ur self.. when we love , we start to begin loving ourself less which i find so wrong.Did u ever ask your self when is the last time u smile with ur heart full of happiness and love? Maybe its been so long time ago, but it doesnt matter. Filled ur heart with love the first time you fall inlove with your partner without expecting anything in return from them. He is not responsible in your happiness, if he really loves you im sure he will notice you being the girl he fell in love with before. I didnt guarantee you this, bec. There is no assurrance in this world but the important thing here is u put an effort making urself happy. Just let our God do His work plans for us.. Maybe the best thing in this world for us doesnt happen yet. :) inspired ur self with this((()) love takes time. may All of u who read this be blessed by our Almighty God. Just pray, i lived myself in regret when there are times i forgot Him( Father God please help us in our present situation .. Please heal our relationship with our partner and let our hearts renewed and filled with love. Bless us Father. Womens pls start new life now, dont forget to pray :) God bless.

Response to all of you womens...

I've been in the same situation, where you feel as if youre not being treated the way u want to feel. Or even to be just appreciated. advice: well, i think the only permanent thing in this world is changes. Now, i want u to pay attention on how to be happy. Start it in your self, i didnt say its easy, but u must do it. You are responsble of ur own happiness.. If u want to be in the same old lovey dovey stage again with whoever,your bf or husband, start to love ur self.. when we love , we start to begin loving ourself less which i find so wrong.Did u ever ask your self when is the last time u smile with ur heart full of happiness and love? Maybe its been so long time ago, but it doesnt matter. Filled ur heart with love the first time you fall inlove with your partner without expecting anything in return from them. He is not responsible in your happiness, if he really loves you im sure he will notice you being the girl he fell in love with before. I didnt guarantee you this, bec. There is no assurrance in this world but the important thing here is u put an effort making urself happy. Just let our God do His work plans for us.. Maybe the best thing in this world for us doesnt happen yet. :) inspired ur self with this((()) love takes time. may All of u who read this be blessed by our Almighty God. Just pray, i lived myself in regret when there are times i forgot Him( Father God please help us in our present situation .. Please heal our relationship with our partner and let our hearts renewed and filled with love. Bless us Father. Womens pls start new life now, dont forget to pray :) God bless.

Great reminder, thank you. Needed to read this to motivate me more.
Sometimes we tend to put ourselves in second plane, trying to please our beloved one...This is fine as long as we do not lose who we are, and we tend to do so...
For the first time in our 1 year marriage i am putting my foot down, and not letting go what i considered lack of appreciation and support. Is really hard to keep yourself thought, and not bend into the old pattern.
If he is not talking to me in these days (after our fight) and not spending time with me home, instead of getting depressed and cry in the bed, i stood up, made plans with my friends, went reading to a library, and did more of the things i like. At the moment seems to be worse, as this is not my normal behavior he is even more pissed at me. I am not showing tears or sadness to him...I am tired of being the crying little chicken when we are on a fight... he must realize he crossed the line. Usually, after he crosses the line, I let go really easily. I am tired of the pattern.
I am a bit scared, this will not be back to normal, but until now i dont feel like letting go... Its all about the same topic. I dont feel i am appreciated enough, complimented enough. I moved from my home country into his country across the Atlantic, far from my family, friends and beaches. I always can do it better on his eyes... exercise more, learn the language faster, get a better job... sometimes i feel like its too much and i just want my husband to tell me "dear you are doing it great" and that happened just few times.... I hope i can show him boundaries and its not too late.

I understand what you are going through, I have been taking degrading comments, and he never stuck up for me. There is always someone that he has to keep happy more than me even is that person insults me. I have to get my own stability, don't depend on no one and leave behind what makes me miserable!.. If I get mad at him, all he does is say "stop it".. I am going to be the driver of my destiny..

This is written by a guy and not a girl.... Stop it

Reading this on a mornog after my partner had gone to work is helping me a little knowing other people are going through it too and can help... I've changed completely in the last few months, I was this strong funny girl who didn't take life to seriously, I don't get long with my family so when I moved in with my bf I classed him as my family, everything was great... Now everythings not, the last few month I've been feeling like his emotional punch bag, he takes every little thing out on me, he works and I do the housework and all the cooking and shopping etc but when I do them he finds something to have a go at me about still, and when I try to defend myself he gets worse and makes me feel so little and worthless. I feel like I'm fake laughing around him now, iwatch what I'm co stantly saying... Nothing I do is good enough yet I do live him, I cried my eyes out the second he shut the front door for work, feel so alone :( now I've got to get up and tidy up & do the shopping after the way he's treat me this morning then wait for him to et in from work to wait on him for him to be horrible again to me :( I'm only 25 and I keep thinking it should be different, not like this.

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I Feel everything you are talking except where yours plays ball mine goes fishing. He use to ask me but now he don't ask me to do nothing or go anywhere. All I do is work 12 hours a day and come home which I have to drive an hour going to work and back. And I have to listen to him complain about me he say's I got an attitude or pissed off but I'm not, maybe I just need to move somewhere i'm not around people and then no one could complain anymore.

My husband is the kind of guy that makes me feel like a child. I can't do anything right. He is right about everything. I can't walk out of the house without him approving where I am going. I can't talk to friends or family without some type of negative comment. When a family member died I was planning on going to the funeral but he didn't approve. I am 50 years old and we have been together for over 23 years. When I wanted to change my job because of no more chances of advancing or promotions he of course had to tell me how stupid I was. I hide things all the time from him because of all the negativity he gives out. I am so unhappy all the time. When I told him I was unhappy and told him I was planning on going to counseling, he just said ok get whatever is wrong fixed.
He is obsessed with always having to spend money we don't have. I have been working 2 jobs and am trying to get a third job. He says the reason we don't have any money is my fault. I've gotten to the point of not hardly talking anymore and I hate my life. I just want to be alone and do things for me and not have to get anyone's approval anymore. I am ready to sell everything we have and start a new life alone.

Your husband is not a man. Your problem is you have been married to a selfish child for 23 years. You can still be happy. It's not to late. Tell him go grow up or move out!

My husband is the same way. I have fibromyglia. I work 26 hours a week. I do all the house cleaning, laundry, shopping, cooking and I do the yard work (due to he is out in the heat/cold for 8to 10 hours a day). He always finds something that I did wrong. At least what he thinks is wrong. I am already on anti depression medications. I love him dearly. What is a wife to do?

Do what I have done. I have recently retired and my husband has not worked since 1984 due to an industrial accident. I did everything except repair cars and appliances. He did those when he could. Always felt well to go fishing and hunting with his friends but not enough to clean the house or do laundry. I drove and hour each way for my job and sometimes worked two addl jobs on the weekends to makes more money. Raised 4 kids...I told him since I no longer work and I am at home I saw just how much he didn't do..said lets share these jobs...his response that's what I have you here for...Guess what I don't do anything anymore..I do my laundry and the towels...I make meals but I don't make what he wants..throw me out of the house I don't really care anymore. I would never ever ever want any man in my life he has ruined all men for me...and not in a good way.

Sometimes I feel the same way I feel like he would rather be with his friends then with me im pregnant and have a baby boy but when I cry and say I don't feel good he just gets made and says it gets old hearing that and everytime I say im going to leave he laughs in his head like he don't care like he wants me gone like he has someone else he always tells me I can talk to him about my problems but when I do its like he don't wanna here it all you do is ***** and complain im tired of this. I do everything i can too make him happy but nothing seems to work i don't know what to do cuz i love him and i don't wanna lose him :'(

I understand the hurt that a spouse can cause by these extremely selfish behavior. My husband is quick to walk away. He complains about everything want say im sorry for any reason. He gets mad at me often when he has done something mean such as leaving in our only car and being gone 15 hours and dor

And not seeing if we are ok did i mention in 10 years he has never paid rent he usually ask me to help me pay his bills. He has never given me $200. Our rent is over $1000. I pay child care buy everything for the house and kids and the car is always on e. Did i mention we make close to the same amount of money when he works and he has not worked in a year. I have huge abandonment issue. I have never meet my father and my mom never dated while i was growing up. I have no male role models. I have often wondered are my expectation of him far fetched. I feel like giving up. i am so afraid of growing old lonely.

I am with my partner for almost 10 years. He daily shouts at me, makes me feel what i do, cook or say is always wrong. Am so sad every day. When i tell him how he makes me feel, he says stop moaning. cant i even tell him how i feel? He is never nice to me but if he is, i know exactly he is only after one thing. Sometimes i wanna take my life but i have 2 beautiful girls and can't bear dokng this to them. I know this wouldnt be good anyway...

If this situation hasn't pushed you into depression yet - then you have a window of opportunity to do something about it. You can win him back, but you have to remember the independent confident woman you used to be. Even when you feel like the desperate-to-please-doormat you have become, act like the old confident you (fake it until it becomes real). Try to NEED him less, do interesting things that don't involve him. Make him remember why he fell in love with you and what he is missing. Don't play games, but words obviously don't work with him, so you need to connect with his old feelings. If it helps you have won your marriage, and if it fails you will need your old confidence back to survive - so win/win. God bless.

I know what you are going through cause i go through the same day everyday. I dont why he is like that with me. I told him that i know that he dont love me like i love him. He said,"How do i know that "? I told him because what i do for you, you dont do for me and its like everyone can put a smile on your face but me, you dont take me out anywhere, you cant even go to the store with me, and after the kids are in bed its like you make your self busy so you dont have time to spend with me. We have gotten to the point where sometimes we can go with out talking for awhile. It was bugging me at first but since he notice im like whatever with him and im not crying acting like i dont care. Thats when he ask notices me. So i am telling you everytime that you cry you are getting stronger even though you dont feel like it you are. Just act like you dont care and that you are getting use to it. Because they like making us cry. when he talks to you just ok or whatever. and always keep yourself busy. with the kids or something. I am not saying its gonna work but it just might

Snap... I feel like this too!! It sometimes feels like im invisible!!! My children dont listen to me!! my husband says im always whinging i get frustrated and angry all the time at times i feel so lonely even tho my husband and kids are in the house as they never listen to me or even acknowledge i am there

First of all i want to thank kristina for the post she made on how dr khakani helped her in bringing back her lover before christmas.At first when i saw the posting i was so happy and in the other hand so scared,That this might not be real, Then i decided to give it a try in which i contacted dr khakani and told him how my lover left me for another lady for the past 3years and i have been lonely and depressed without him,So i told him if he has helped anyone called kristina and he said yes, that was the lady he helped in bringing back her lover before christmas.i said good and i told him that if he can help me in bringing back my own lover,He laughed and said once i have contacted him that my problem will be solved.He said that my lover will be back to me within 24hours and do an unexpected thing for me. i said really, Truly when the 24hours was completed i got a text from someone saying am sorry then i decided to call the number i saw it was my lover Steve voice.i was so happy he was begging me on phone, That he is ready to do anything that will make me happy in life,So i told him to come over which he did,As he was coming he came with a brand new Car as gift i was so happy and made me had access to his account to prove to me that he is not going to leave me for another lady,Am so happy today and am also thanking kristina for posting this early.Dr khakani you are truly a man of your word. He can also solve any kind of problems in this world. Friends you can contact dr khakani on his private khakanibestsolutioncentre12@gmail.com or cell number +2348062216903.

Name: vanassa Anderson

You have to do what's best for you. Sometimes you can't fix things they just happen. If its meant to be it'll be you. Maybe its not you maybe its him. But in time it will tell. Just don't stress or worry about it enjoy each day and let everything fall in to place.

I was in a situation similar to yours, I ended my marriage, after I left him I realize that is the way he is, nothing can ever be good enough for him and it had to do with his mother mentally abusing him as a child. Nothing was ever good enough for her. Your husband need consulting if he do not get it your kids will be affected by his behaviors, I know because my daughter is affect and mess up.
I am sure he will not go to consulting, what you can do is go to consulting yourself, by changing some of your attitude towards the marriage that will help a bit of your stress.
In the mean time try and walk away from his mental abuse that he is dishing out to you, take the kids to the park, go jogging that will help with the stress. I am sure your husband loves you the manner in which he is showing it is the way he knows. Stop crying that will make him distance himself from you and stress you out.
Go out with your girlfriends, go to the hairdresser, make yourself look beautiful and behave beautiful, be cheerful, you will be surprise to see a little change in his attitude.

You aren't alone here. Just know that you aren't alone. Just know that it takes to two to make a marriage and that you are doing your best. You may be even trying too hard. Stop trying please him so much. HE is obviously not reciprocating. Back away and let him do his thing. When he gets upset at what you have done, walk away before he has a chance to be irrational. Don't give him the stage. If he continues to be distant and annoyed then tell him you want to see a counselor. Nothin makes a man want to work things out more than the threat of going to see a counselor.LOL!

I noticed how you said you fear the Lord too much to kill yourself, so you obviously believe in God. In the Bible, in Ecclesiastes 2, it talks about how NOTHING in this life is fulfilling. It looks like in this situation you are looking for fulfillment and acceptance. But not even His acceptance and love will fulfill you. The only thing that could ever fulfill you is God, and having a personal relationship with Him. Not a guy, not anything else. Only Christ can help you. Jesus says "I am the Way, the Truth, and the LIFE". Just come to Jesus. He'll take you and give you fulfillment. (:

If your not good enough for him, then go and find someone that accepts you for who you are. Don't change your whole sense of self for him, he's not going to like that eighter.

"Rescue Your Love Life: Changing Those Dumb Attitudes & Behaviors that Will Sink Your Marriage" by Henry Cloud and John Townsend is a really really good one. Everyone has dumb ideas about marriage, and this book will help you both find what they are. In fact, my husband was all in for counseling after listening to this audio book. At some point, you both need to sit down and talk about problems. I've known couples to go decades with misinterpreted signals when they could've had more glorious years. "The 5 Love Languages" by Gary Chapman is also a really good read. Christian context or not, relationships are relationships, and the material here has served couples well.

I feel your pain, I have no answers but similar experience, i've never been good enough for almost 20 yrs, still I can't get out, be strong , you're not wrong, i'm proud of you

My advice is pretend you are single again. Not cheat, but make your own happiness. Your own personal success. Don't expect anything from him. This is your life. Live it. Keep growing as an individual. You are the center of you. This way, if he's rude you can laugh and walk away. Now you know not to set yourself up for disappointment by asking questions of him. If he has something nice to say he will have to create a space to say, not fill in the blanks to your set up question. Men seem to resent that. Be the woman you are and become the woman you want to be. Don't let this guy define you. Many men are difficult and love to chase. Once they have caught they get bored. So, let him chase you again. Try to have fun with this idea, but dont let him on to your game. Really, if you start becoming more independent, the chase will come naturally. Read The Rules. This book may truly help you. <br />
Here's the deal, people change. Relationships change. It's ok. He's not crazy and neither are you. And neither of you are perfect. You are just two people trying to feel good. So ask yourself, what is it that makes you feel good. And what is it that makes him feel good. If he can't hack marriage, you'll find out soon enough. Don't bother being afraid. Just focus on being understanding, honest, and responsible for your own feelings. This is work, but it's the only way to have a real adult marriage anyway.

I just stumbled across this and feel like I could have written it word for word!<br />
<br />
I have no advice, because I am lost like you, but I want you to know you are not alone!

dont hate yourself, it is not your fault that your husband does not appreciate what he has in you. take pride in your self again, believe in your self because you are a beautiful person you don't need him to tell this, you know deep inside this is true. he only holds the power as long as you let him, take control again, let him see you become strong, let him see your self worth. It will make him realise what he has been doing to you, if he doesn't he is manipulative and selfish and doesn't deserve you.<br />
<br />
Say these words when you look in the mirror every day. I am a good person i deserve to be treated with love and respect. I will not let anyone put me down least of all the person who is supposed to love and care for me the most.<br />
<br />
good luck and believe xxx

i feel you. my husband does tell me im beautiful & stuff. but he always brings up my mistakes from the past and all kinda dumb stuff that doesnt have anything to do with now! also im pregnant now & i feel like he doesnt even want a baby with me every time i bring it up he dont wanna talk bout it or he ignores me to watch one of his little stupid *** shows on tv. its getting really old. and i understand what your goin thru fully.!!

google learning about narcissistic personality. It has put my mind at peace knowing that I'm not crazy the love of my life is. It has helped me cope. These beings do not know how to love. Women must find it in themselves to be strong and loving. Start being a bit more selfish and go to the gym. Wear hip clothes and smell good always not for him but for yourself. Forget doing anything he wants you to. Do it because it's good for you not him. Never compliment him Especially not in bed. Make him do his part first. Believe me he will notice. Forget about making dinner for him. He can eat cereal or whatever. If he has a ball game just show up and go for drinks afterwards. Trust me I've been codependent for years and finally said f@@k it! I take care of my kids and make sure they know you love them but take time for yourself. Only take on <br />
one job and let him bring in the dough. Downsize if you have to so you can<br />
<br />
live life like there's no tomorrow because tomorrow may never come. Good luck my friend. If I can do it anybody can.

google learning about narcissistic personality. It has put my mind at peace knowing that I'm not crazy the love of my life is. It has helped me cope. These beings do not know how to love. Women must find it in themselves to be strong and loving. Start being a bit more selfish and go to the gym. Wear hip clothes and smell good always not for him but for yourself. Believe me he will notice. Forget about making dinner for him. He can eat cereal or whatever. If he has a ball game go for drinks afterwards. Trust me I've been codependent for years and finally set f@@k it! I take care of my kids make sure they know you love them but take time for yourself. Only take on one job and let him bring in the dough. Downsize if you have to but live life like there's no tomorrow because tomorrow may never come. Good luck my friend. If I can do it anybody can.

i feel my husband needs to look at exreme **** to be satifsfied.. or at swinger sites.. it's very upsettting and i dont know what to do about it. Our sex life is not that bad in my opinion but i feel he always needs more... idk :(

I fee your pain. My husband told me this morning that he wish he never married me. Because he is sick and came home early. I work a 13 hour shift and took benadryl and went to bed. Our youngest went to bed in her room and threw up at 2 in the am. I was up for a hour with her helping clean it up, he was too. But at 4 am I guess she did it again, and I slept through it. Now< I suck according to him I don't have that motherly side and I never will because I slept through it. And he said, that her coughing woke her up. He said, he tried to wake me up but I didn't move. Well why didn't he try harder. I don't know anymore. I am not good enough. I guess and I never will be.

Did your husband ever stop to think that you might feel the same, in so far that you wish you had never married him, is he really such a prize that he thinks he's better than you, I don't believe so, tell him to wake up and smell the coffee. no one else will tolerate his behaviour.

Believe in your self don't let him manipulate you or your feelings.

If your husband drinks alot, look up Alcoholism and Marriage.<br />
<br />
It really comes down to...it's more about him than it is about you. People will put other people down to make themselves feel better and he may do it without really meaning to hurt you so bad. All you can do is<br />
try to talk to him. Talk from your heart and you will not have any regrets (you won't look back and think I should of said this or I shouldn't have said that when he said...). Keep it real.<br />
This is life and it never ends we just have to be true to ourselves (stay the kind, loving person you are). Good Luck.

Your husband put up a facade to get you. Now you see what an inconsiderate SOB he really is. The signs were always there. There is someone else at this softball game, and its not Y-O-U. TwoFacedFox summed it up. Your husband is a jerk like TwoFacedFox. The real him is out in the open. If you have kids, the household will be your responsibility. If he doesn't wait for you now, he really is going to be disinterest4d in you later. Women are always burdening themselves with turning the other cheek. No matter how painful it is, cut your losses and leave him. It hurts now, but the longer you wait the harder it will be and you will have wasted alot of time being unhappy. Ask yourself, how many hours a day are you happy, preoccupied doubting thoughts oif youir husband. More than 50% of your time, he is not thinking of you that much.<br />
<br />
And Trust, he knows what hurts and what doesn't. He chooses to ignore or hurt you to try to control you. LEAVE HIM!

Wow! You really summed up how I feel about my husband! I love him but have come to realize that he doesn't appreciate me for who I am aymore! Wish I had the guts to leave! I would be so much happier! Maybe one day I will find the courage to think of me for once!

Leave those idiots. Simple. They have zero respect for you...

i like the comments but i am someone in the same situation, but the thing is even if i make a honest opinion or request he just makes fun of me, he doesnt even want to hear me even if its a important matter he just shouts at me,moreover he wants me to go for work and i am working in a reputed school but again he mocks me s me ,i am a mocking thing here .if i go for school functions he just ridicules me and creates a fight on things i never thought of

The question is why are you listening to him and not your own source from with in? Wouldn't it be much better to listen to your own conscience than to him or me? Were you not born with inner strength (i am sure you were) so all you need to do is find that again and listen to your inner voice instead of those from without. ? :)

i think he is like any child would likes the love of a mother but is overwhelmed by it and is seeking distance , it is natural for us men to be independent. if you friend me i can send you a link to a eastern meditation that helps me be calm and have the fulfillment in me that we all need , it's not any kinda of a religion btw :)

Well to me it sounds you guys don't really communicate. Your story is VERY one-sided from your side, but I can't see at all how your husband feels about anything.<br />
<br />
He loves his sports, that much I can tell. Personally I wouldn't give up my sports for a woman either if she forced me to choose. But does he really spend that much time doing sports or are you just talking about the moments you felt like you needed him and he was out doing sports?<br />
<br />
Also men don't very often compliment women with words once they're in a relationship. Especially not when you ask for it. If you work out and wear one of his favorite clothing pieces on you and he grabs you from behind to feel you up, THAT is a male equivelent of "it looks good on you".<br />
<br />
Not trying to smooth talk his behavior because he does sound like a giant ******* the way you describe him right here. But men are just different from women in the way they think and act. I like to show my appreciation or disapproval through actions.<br />
<br />
Maybe he's running from something by playing sports so much? But what is he running from?<br />
<br />
Don't forget to look at the situation from his perspective too.<br />
<br />
If he is a manly man, don't be shy to ask him in a normal non-judgemental or angry tone why he is playing sports so much. Don't try to guilt trip him because he WILL leave you if you do, but don't be afraid to just ASK why he does things. And be specific.<br />
<br />
Seriously, nothing ****** most men off like "We need to talk" and "Why are you always like this"<br />
or "Why don't you think about MY feelings for once (because we have no idea what women think lol)"

I think you don't know what it feels like to have the love of your life and the father of your child act as if you're the help of the house who doesn't even do a good job! I love my husbans but i can't count how many times i've thought about leaving@!! It's as if every thing is my fault and never his!!! I'm not saying i'm an angel but it takes two to have an argument and i'm sick of feeling as if i should always apoogize foe something I dawwn well know is not my fault! his perspective is probably jealousy because we have a child in our lives and he is not the cener of my attention anymore...&gt;Groa up be a man and consider that his responsabilies shouls have changed with the arrival of our son! I'm sick and tied of hearing from men who think that women should talk more and consider their husbands feelingds and opinions!!!!!! Trust me !!!!!! I've tried but my husband acts like he's the second child!!!!!
Sorry had to vent my frustrations! I know i'm being sentimental but I also knoe my husband is being selfish! I really do love him...We've beeen together fot 15 years but I am sick and tired of feeling like i'm the help who cleans and takes care of OUR child!

Hun see how he does the things he wants to do, Without asking you. Thats how you should do things.I understand that you want to make him happy but if your more independent men are very attracted to women whom think for themselves, and show off what they've achieved. If you start bragging instead of expecting an answer like, "oh, good job honey", it will make him notice you more. I am telling you this from experience and its so weird once you do that they start to ask you for stuff and of course being the pleaser's that we are, well, we give them whatever they want. Oh and about the no more hugging and holding issue, Well same thing with my husband I really missed it but we both communicated to each other and listened and I found out that when we were dating it was so I could fall for him more deeply but he confessed that he didnt hug me at night anymore because he likes to sleep a certain way...but that it feels good to hug me just not to sleep all night he said... it took awhile before he told me that.<br />
<br />
Men, they are so complicated but all we women have to do is forget that you have a husband But just for a little bit ok.... and remember the old you ... or old each other and go with your gut ... just keep on doing things you use to do when you were dating or go out with a friend, that's, a girl friend of course ... show him that you have fun with friends too ... he will eventually start noticing you... see when we have children we start forgetting ourselves we even forget that we have make up or high heels or nice pants that make a butt look nice you know what I mean. It took me 3 years after my baby to realize what had become of me.. even my husband told me that I looked tired and asked why I never dressed up anymore... well I started to do things to MY LIKING not asking him because he would also say well it looks the same to me ....YEAH well I let the hair stylist take over I didnt tell her what I wanted I just said I want to look sexy and good but your gonna have to give tips on styling my hair ... and well my husband was awwwdd Shocked he loved it I didnt even have to ask him I felt so empowered later I started buying clothes that I would see on other people that looked very nice but would not dare to wear .... and he also reacted to that it was a big change for me because I'm not used to change and I dont care about being on top of the new looks, styles, and fashion, but I just wanted to make a change and well it went well.... Girl just remember you have to love yourself before you can love someone else. <br />
<br />
start writing yourself letters like if you were talking to an imaginary friend and later read the letter and you'll see how it will all come together for you <br />
<br />
Good Luck