Passionate Failure

     My unfortunate passion is writing.  I say "unfortunate" because ... well ... I pretty much suck at writing.  Translated: My writing is mind-numbingly boring.  No matter how I try (and I do try), it ends up being utterly drab and dull.  I tend to digress from the main story and wind up detailing some completely trivial scenario, never infusing the story with the passion that fuels me to write it in the first place!  I am too "wordy", yet don't say enough.  Droplets of blood form on my head before I am able to "tell" vs. "show".  And yet, I am driven by some insane urge to write.  What a confounding and utterly frustrating place to be! 

     I ask myself why I even bother, particularly after reading almost anything else in print (e.g., magazine articles, literary journals -- both fiction/non-fiction, essays, blogs, etc.).  And God forbid that I read stories that have won contests -- some of which I have submitted my own story to!  

     That huge slice of humble pie being forced down my throat sometimes gets stuck and I pound my forehead with my hand, waiting for the lunacy police to come arrest me.  And yet ... I continue to write.  Why?!?  I wish I had a logical answer, but alas ... I do not.  I must be insane.  What other explanation is there?  I read some of the experiences shared here and while I strongly identify with the hopelessness punctuating many stories, I become ashamed at how base my writing seems in comparison.  *sigh*  I just don't measure up and my deepest fear is that I never will. 

     Oh, and if you actually like what I wrote here, please don't compare it to my fiction and non-fiction debacles. They all suck.  Trust me -- they do.   Which is why I sought out this website in the first place: to try to find other souls out there struggling with feeing "less than", no matter what we do. 

     Thanks for taking the time to read my diatribe (laced with a lethal dose of self-pity) about not feeling good enough. May we all find that source of significance which we seek. 
suzyn65 suzyn65
8 Responses Jul 15, 2010

i understand how you feel ..i have the need to write ...but i don't write well ..i write whats in my heart <br />
because i love to share my thoughts with others ...and some of my writing is about my hurt and pain over losing the only man i have ever loved ....but i think you do write well and i can fully understand what you are saying

Good is only relative hun. Also....nothing wrong with doing something you're bad at...I like doing hobbies where it is not possible for me to excel in order to eradicate my perfectionism. Its actually quite healthy!

Good stories only come from experiences.<br />
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Go out and experience things, your stories will improve by themselves!<br />
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Bruce lee said it.<br />
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You can read all the manuals on how to swim, but there's no substitute for jumping into the water.<br />
Something along those lines :P

THANK YOU, MorningStar and SensualIntelligence, for taking the time to read my pity party post and leave a comment! You are too kind. But thanks for your support! I very much appreciate it. <br />
Sensual: In answer to your question (and my goodness, of course you may ask!) => My education and experience lie in healthcare, but in that capacity I taught in the clinical setting for 3 1/2 years. I have no education in creative writing nor journalism; I took a free online writing course a few months ago, which was good, but I still lack the creative visualization needed to be a good writer.<br />
Again, thank you BOTH so much!! *tears welling in eyes*

Your thoughts were well expressed in this post. If this is an example of your writing I would like to read more please. May I ask if your profession in your real life is in education?

You expressed your thoughts rather well. You are not a failure until you stop trying.

Thanks so much for your comment, Wonders! You truly made my day. Bless your heart!! =)

I DO like this post, I DON'T think that you are a writing failure, and you seem like a very nice person, so THERE! You have my vote!