Never Good Enough For Anyone

I did cry. I cried a lot. I've thought about suicide because I'm crazy. I'm never good enough for anyone or anything. I wonder to myself many times, what am I doing liking this guy, ha, I'll never be good enough for him. I felt this way about a lot of things. Until I discovered track and distance running. I was a distance runner and I didn't ever stop running, I wasn't the fastest obviously, I'm not good enough to be the fastest, well, when the track meet rolled around, and i ran the mile. It wasn't that good but I was happy because it was the fastest I'd ever run it. I ran it in 8 minutes and 24 seconds. When I came home after the whole event, and told my sister and mom, my sister started telling me how that wasn't very good and that in her gym class everyone had to do that. Then after that she told me that I needed to take a shower because I smelled like outside and sweat. I hated that. In the end she finally gave me a wimpy 'good job,' wimpy as in with the lowest amount of enthusiasm possible. Yet again, I wasn't good enough. This kind of thing happens a lot. Every time actually. I'm starting to think that I'm not good enough for life.
emilysemilypemily emilysemilypemily
18-21, F
1 Response Apr 6, 2011

I am sorry to hear that. I can relate as to how you feel. I am the yougest in the family and I always had my older siblings, who obviously had the advantage of being older, to compare and compete against growing up and that often made me feel inadequate. Here I am after 15 years - after college, I had the opportunity to see the world. What I mean by this is to be away from my every day influences since birth, and see the world. I met other people, influenced them and also influenced by them. Made friends. All this helped me understand myself and my uniqueness, my stengths and my real limitations. I am content with myself today.<br />
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What I am saying is, you are very young to write yourself off saying that you are not good enough. Most certainly your siblings do not have sufficient experience or wisdom to judge your worth. Because, they are also young and have a lot to learn about life. Please don't drag yourself down by what other people say. If you felt good by running fast or doing your best, don't let anyone take that away from you.<br />
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All you need is the constant drive to do better. I see that in you. Say, if your best today is 8 minutes and 24 senconds today, it can most certainly be better if you keep at it. <br />
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Take care..