I Thought I'd Found My Soul Mate

He said he loved me, but words mean nothing!

Previous to two months ago, through the good times and the bad times I thought I'd finally met my soul mate. After three years together my heart ached everytime we were apart. In August he got sick and I knew then I couldn't live without him if I lost him, luckily I talked him into going to hospital, then spent the next month nursing him back to health. He returned to work in September and started being really mean to me everytime I spoke to him. I never thought anything at the time but he was receiving a huge amount of text then he'd make an excuse to leave, sometimes after only being here about half an hour. He refused to be intimate with me saying in not so many words that I was a mess. Then after we'd received some really bad news he told me that he thought fate meant us not to be together and it was time for him to find someone else.
As suddenly as the meaness started it stopped in the beginning of October. I started thinking he'd had an affair and was devastated, but trying to keep it all inside as the previous month he's got angry with me if I tried to talk about my feelings. I did ask him if he was having an affair but he denied it and started a huge row.
At the end of October we'd gone into his works and there was a new face sat in the office, I just asked who she was, but he said he didn't know and blushed like I've never seen him blush before. I asked him why he was blushing but he denied it. As time went on he blushed everytime he saw her and talked about her quite a bit.
Last week he blushed again and I asked him who he was embarrassed of, me or her? He said he didn't like her and certainly didn't like working with her. But I came home to find they were friends on facebook. I don't know what came over me but I signed into his facebook account and read the messages between him and his co-worker. I couldn't believe what I read. How much they missed each other when they weren't working together, he told her he loved her and so much more. I cried so much reading the messages, then his account was deactivated by him. The messages started when he went back to work in September and she'd started working there in August.
I told him I'd already read the messages and he told me he could no longer trust me for invading his privacy and that no relationship would last if he couldn't trust me. He was so angry with me and I felt bad for what I've done but what he'd done was far worse. He said he was going to tell me but he knew how I'd react so thought best to keep quiet about the whole thing.
He still works with her and its tearing me apart.

He's made me feel like I'm just not good enough to be treated fairly, if he wanted to be with her then why didn't he just leave. He knew I'd suspected him for around two months but he just lied to me. This last week I've felt so down and I've got no one to talk to. My soul mate wouldn't of done this to me.
I'm totally lost, my life is just a series of failures. My username is amigoodenough and clearly I'm not.
amigoodenough amigoodenough
36-40, F
6 Responses Dec 3, 2012

You are more than good enough! Listen to Sarah McLachland's song entitled, "Good Enough." Great song for you! I love it, too. He was having an affair because the affair made HIM feel more desirable. Ami - you have Barbie as a pic, what do you look like? If you're beautiful, guys often feel "not good enough" for you!!!!!! Seriously, my last BF was honest enough to tell me that. I always got compliments and he got criticism. He was not well dressed and didn't properly take care of his clothes. Actually, I'd given him a chance because he was NICE. Nothing more, nothing less. However, when he got tired of "pleasing me," he wanted to move on but hold on at the same time. We broke up, became friends and now he's acting weird and saying "it" is just to hard for him. I BELIEVE HE'S MET SOMEONE. So what!!!!! Hearts can mend, Ami. There will be a man who is so thrilled and feels so lucky to be in YOUR presence that you won't remember the things your ex did and you will start to feel good about yourself again but!!!! Don't use men to boost your self-esteem! Instead, learn new things, meet new people and explore - go on adventures in your own surroundings. LOVE YOURSELF! You deserve SO MUCH MORE!

i really feel for you and i hope you find someone who truely and really wants you and someone who really and truely loves you you deserve to be happy

you should not feel bad that you looked at his face book account you did the right thing he not a nice person to do that to you you deserve better and better is out there you are more than good enough it hard when you lonely but you need to get rid of him out of your life so your true soul mate can come along and be with you someone who treat you right be kind caring nice to you that person out there for you you deserve to be happy and will be happy you amazing person you need to believe in yourself

I agree. He should be ashamed of himself for cheating on you. He's being intimate with other women. He'll never stop. Get rid of this guy. Find someone who loves you and will not be looking for the next best thing.

Good time to get love and support from your friends.I'm there for you baby.xxx

He's younger than me and she's 18 and extremely pretty. He said she was chasing him, but it looks the other way around on the messages. I've had other boyfriends cheat on me too. I guess its just me, I'm just not good enough to have a good relationship. I'm forever faithful and do everything I can to make my friends and boyfriends happy. I guess I just try too hard and just get **** on.

Oh Lord, what an awful thing , I have had several partners cheat on me in the past, and I have always been insecure since. My previous relationship ended recently because we were rowing a lot and I discovered other girls on his facebook page. Honestly I think Facebook has become something which to conduct secret affairs! I hate it these days and never use it. As for feeling good enough I have the same feeling....I have my eye on a wonderful guy I know and he is very kind to me but i know that I will not be able to pursue him as I just feel below him in many ways. How old is this guy you were with? If he is older, he might be having a midlife crisis especially if the other woman is way younger. All I know is the problem is definitely with him and not with you you haven't done anything wrong a lot of men can be unfaithful pigs, sorry to say...if you want to talk feel free, anyway take care and try not to blame yourself for his pathetic behaviour.