Always

I have always felt as if I am trapped inside of myself. It's as if there's an invisible barrier keeping me from connecting with the rest of the world, and try as I might, I can't break through the barrier. It has always existed and has always been a part of me. It keeps me from being able to properly communicate with others and from me being able to properly reciprocate their communications with me. Because it's so hard to describe this barrier to people, most believe it does not even exist, so although I am in therapy and have been for quite some time, it is doing no good. I would love to be able to get past this and finally be one with the world and with my surroundings, but as long as I feel entrapped within myself by this invisible barrier which separates me from the rest of the world, that will never happen.
ItchyWitch82 ItchyWitch82
26-30, F
3 Responses Jul 24, 2010

I just deleted your spam comment, suzzybb.

I'm glad things changed for you after anti-depressants :) I wish that were my problem, though, but it's not. I'm on medication and even when I'm feeling great, I'm still unable to feel a part of the world. I always feel like something is keeping me from connecting with it.

I could have written the same thing a decade ago. All my life I felt like I was on the outside, watching the world go by. I was never able to feel a part of anything no matter how much I wanted to. Since that was the only way I knew how to feel, I thought it was normal. I thought EVERYBODY felt that way. I was shocked to find out that it was NOT the way everyone else felt, that it was NOT normal. I was put on an antidepressant for other symptoms, not realizing that the feeling of distance was part of it. When the chemical imbalance in my brain started to right itself, for the first time in my life I actually felt a part of this world. It was such a great feeling I wished I had been put on antidepressants years earlier. A lot of negative events could've been avoided.