My entire life in a seed. Waiting on a day that my little sprouts would begin to pop out but I'm getting older now and nothing is happening. I am so disappointed in life it's hard for me to even wake up or get out of bed. I'm a waitress and I used to make good money even that's not working out for me anymore because of my depression I feel as if everyone can see it, I feel as if it intensifies anytime I'm around anyone even slightly sad. All I want to do is stay in bed and never get up but I can't or life will be much worse than it already is. I do have some joy in my existence, that of my husband, and my 2 doggies. I've been married almost 2 years and have been together for almost 4, we've been trying to have a baby for about 3 years now and nothing has happened. I know a normal person would go to a dr and see why but I'm terrified of the answers a dr would give me. I don't want to be told I'm broken that I might as well not even be a woman, that I will never have my own children. But the sadness has taken over my entire existence to the point of debilitating pain on the inside. So here I sit inbeteween fear and heart break. Stuck. Afraid to go forward. Afraid to continue hope. Yet too hopeful to loose it. I just wish I could not hurt. I wish I could accomplish my dreams. I wish I could press play on my life, an stop being stuck here in my head.
Kaydeecane Kaydeecane
26-30, F
1 Response Aug 29, 2014

Your a strong person that's having a dark shadow in her life right now. Maybe if you let it out your problems to someone you know and cares about you it would start to help you love or at least have a clear path. It's not good to hold back your frustration.