I Want to Die

Every day of my life I want to die I'm just too much of a ***** to do it,  and I know that I would be hurting my family way too much if I did it - and that's the last thing that I want to do.

But I just feel like nobody cares about me and everybody laughs at me and everybody only cares about me if I give them money - god damn. I just want to slit my wrists and cut my throat and overdose and hang myself all at the same time. At least that kind of death would not be painful. I just want to die and end all of it because there doesn't seem like there's anything for me on this earth to hold onto. I don't have any friends at all, the stress of everything burdens me to no end, and everything seems like it is crashing down on my head - like a brick falling from a building crushing my skull beneath it.

 

That would be pretty awesome, a pretty amazing way to die. Anyways, I just want to kill myself because nothing seems to be worth living for anymore, and I know that if I keep living then I'll just be hurting myself even more. God damnit, just let me die already. I want to get really drunk and really f'ed up and then just kill myself - at least be happy for one time in my life when I'm f'ed up. Cause alcohol and drugs cannot solve your problems because you'll just feel the same way in the morning and the feelings will just come back. But this needs to end. And soon. It needs to end.

Andrewww Andrewww
18-21
4 Responses Mar 8, 2009

I might do it today, God bless all of you I wish everyone the best and don't take the easy way out like I will

i feel the same, ive tried a few times but chicked out! hate myself and hate everything! wish i had someone to talk to ya know! or wish i had the guts to do it!

that is an interesting story. all my life I have wanted to die. my first memory was about how ****** up the world is and how I dont belong. I have good friends and a family that cares about me, but I am really miserable, unless im on drugs,but i hate therapy. they only tell me what i already know, "just keep pushing forward." I finished college, but I have huge holes in my past that i feel are going to keep me from getting a job. I want to overcome them, but what do I say to the interview and what am i supposed to put on my resume? "oh yeah, i only did 3 years in the service because I had a mental breakdown and spent 9 months in a mental hospital." "oh that 5 years gap in employment, I was unemployed and collecting SSD" Im sure there would be some interested employers........so i have to live in a fabrication of lies and work to develop them more and more everyday just to get a crummy job and live....and its not working!!!! im horrible at lieing, wtf am i supposed to do? i got bills to pay. i will die before i go homeless.

yep....ive felt like that pretty much since i was about 18!<br />
after school was done,it was time to get a job, which i ******* hated! so.... after about a year of this i quit! so then i had no money, it was horrible and the more i thought about it the more depressed i got.i got soooo depressed i didnt go out..AT ALL! i alienated my friends ,i alienated my family, then i had enough and decided to kill myself! i had it all worked out on paper that i was gunna get a ****** job for a week just to get enough money for a **** load of beer so i could get as numb as possible before "topping" myself. i had planned to slit my wrists, in a hotel so my family wouldnt see me dead or feel the need to move house after id died. so anyway i got a ****** job in a factory which i hated and about 3 days into the week i met a guy there who was real funny and he introduced me to some other lads who worked on the otherside of the factory and we hit it off and they asked me to join them for a beer after work,which i told them no as i was broke! but they insisted i come and they would pay for me. so i went and had a wicked night and it really cheered me up. so at the end of the week i decided to postpone the "topping" and leave it for another week!....that was 4 years ago! since then i have had 3 different jobs and i am now a manager at a HOTEL! lol <br />
i have a girlfriend and have kept in touch with most the lads that took me out on that night! and not long after that night i got intouch with my friends and started going out with them again and have been ever since. dont get me wrong every now and then i get deppressed about something but i will always know suicide just isnt worth it as there is always something just round the corner!!!<br />
my advice is put yourself out there!!<br />
dont be afraid of getting **** on now and then!!<br />
always try and see the flipside of life!!<br />
go and seek medical help!!<br />
join groups that you have an interest in!! ie; music or sports or whatever and meet people with the same interests!!<br />
good luck to you and my thoughts are with you..friend!!<br />
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ill always answer if you wanna talk