A Life At One Point May Be Like One That You Don't Want To Have.

Life has been very hard in the early years for me, most of the time I have always felt somewhat alone even though I did have friends and all but yet i guess I felt alone because they never actually understood me or rather they never tried to, I can't blame them actually because like well I am a bit complex and the feelings I try to describe aren't understandable by most I suppose but nevertheless they never tried.

At some points I will confess that I did want to kill myself, sometimes I still do very blandly but that stupid rush stays for just a nanosecond, there is maybe literally an anti-self harm mechanism in me that prevents me from hurting myself, I can't cut myself or make myself suffer much but i do manage to hit myself trying unbelievably hard though. My hits hurt so much I bite my arm to muzzle the groans of pain, what i do is I hit both my thighs holding my fist up really high in the air, the pain stays like maybe two or three days at most but who cares.

Life goes on, it really does, look at the pulse rate machine at hospitals that show you how a pulse looks like statistically, its like a triangular thing that has a point way up and way down, you see if life didn't have ups and downs then you're not alive. I used to give false hope to a lot of people but I regret to inform you that I have stopped. It's much less painful yes I am an assshole for being like that but come on
Raloxier Raloxier
18-21, M
Jan 15, 2013