Nihilistic Identity

Have you ever heard of, or even had, a dream involving someone you have never met before in your life? Or seen for that matter?

Its quite a strange experience, if I do say so myself. How could someone appear in your mental functions if you have no memory of them whatsoever? I'm very compelled to decipher the meaning of this. Dreams and what causes them has always piqued my curiosity. Anyways, on to the dream so you know what I'm even talking about.

There are only bits and pieces of the dream that I can recall clearly, but from what I remember the location was what appeared to be a small house or possibly a mobile home. Just like the particular person that this dream revolves around, the building was unfamiliar but did not provoke a sense of unusualness. It was cozy, welcoming. But for whatever reason, the atmosphere was quite distressing and anxious. At least that's how I remember myself feeling at the time. This isn't an uncommon feeling for me in my own dreams; they are nightmares more often than not. I also constantly experience these emotions in the waking world, as well. I'm quite used to them.

I can just remember standing there, staring at the carpeted floor in the dark. It was quiet for the most part. Then there was the man.

I can't quite remember his face, but I'm positive he wasn't someone I knew in real life. I remember scruffy, dark stubble. Shaggy black hair. Thick eyebrows. But for some odd reason, I can't seem to remember what his eyes looked like. His clothing is still vivid in my mind; a grey t-shirt, blue jeans, a brown belt with a large buckle on it.

I've never really felt emotionally connected to another person before. Nor have I felt romantic inclinations towards others (with one exception). But it was oh so different with this dream figure, I felt warm and fuzzy around him- accepted. He didn't say much. I can just remember throwing my arms around him, bringing him as close as physically possible with him doing the same. This may seem like a regular gesture to anyone else, but I've never ever liked it when people touched me. I hate hugs. I hate any kind of physical contact. I jump and grumble angrily at even the slightest brush of someone's finger or a hand on my shoulder. But in this dream, I willingly touched another person. I felt those emotions I've never felt before. My bubble of depression and darkness, the only thing I've ever known, was simply cast away by someone who isn't even real, as far as I know.

It has been almost a year since I've had that dream. The thought of it passes my mind every day. I can't even fathom what it means.

All I know is that it was one of the most gratifying dreams I have ever had.
Skwizzy Skwizzy
22-25, F
May 17, 2012