My Dead Grandmother Keeps Appearing to Me

So my whole life growing up was weekend trips to the grandparents house with my Mom.  Every holiday was spent with my Mom's parents, and once in a while they would have me over to stay the night or stay a couple of days, which I normally really disliked.  Don't get me wrong, I love both of my Grandparents very much...but, we just didn't have a close knit relationship.  They were believers of the "children are to be seen and not heard" type of deal, and my Grandmother especially was very introverted and never really let you know just exactly what she was thinking, unless of course you had disappointed her or angered her in some way.  So, needless to say, we didn't have the typical lovey dovey grandparent/granddaughter relationship, no matter how much I would've like things to be different.  Anyway, my Grandma got REALLY sick about a year ago now, and the doc's gave her 6 months to live.  My Mom, Uncle and I spent a majority of our free time out there trying to help Grandma and Grandpa out, Hospice came in and set her up so that we could try to make her comfortable...which I don't think we ever succeeded at.  So one trip out she was in bed the ENTIRE day and I hadnt seen her all day.  I was scared to go in her room because everyone else had been running in and out of there and she was yelling at them.  Anyway, so she finally came out and we got her into her hospital bed in the living room that Hospice had brought, and you could tell that she was having difficulty breathing and that she was upset.  But then she sat down and got situated and looked over at me with the biggest, brightest smile I've ever seen and said "Hi Sweetheart".  Because this wasn't normal, it felt especially good to hear that from her.  So that was it, I said hi, waited about 20 minutes, hugged her and left.  She died 1 day later at home while she was sleeping.  I understood that it was going to happen, and I understood that this is just a part of life, and I was happy that she was finally somewhere that she was most comfortable, but I was sad for the fact that we no longer had her in our lives.  Because regardless of what I said above about our relationship, she was an amazing woman, very talented and spiritual.

What I have to tell you first is that the night that she died, I was trying to go to sleep and I heard a voice in my head telling me to let her go and that it was going to be ok.  I argued with the voice and said that I just had to see her one last time, but then I pushed the voice out of my head.  Then my bedroom got REALLY REALLY hot, it was so stifling in there, it was as if the heat had been turned on high, but I had shut off the heat at the breaker...and it was the first week in June, so we were still having relatively cool weather.  Anyway, this happened just hours before she passed away, and after she died, here came the dreams.  They started out as me being at my Grandparents house, and she'd be there too like nothing had ever happened, and she'd look at me, and say "Hi Sweetheart" and smile, just like the last time I saw her.  Then they were typically over.  Then Thanksgiving rolled around, which normally she did a lot of the prep for, and this year my Mom and I were taking over.  I had a dream about a week before Thanksgiving, that we (my Mom, Grandma and I) were in the kitchen discussing Thanksgiving.  She noted that she did it this way, or that way, but whatever we were doing was fine because it was our turn now.  So I kinda felt as though she was telling us that it was ok for us to be taking over now, and that what we were planning to do was going to be just fine.  Now the dreams get a little more complex, we have short discussions, she is doing different activities, always kinda buzzing around like a busy bee.  Trust me, this wasn't normal for her in real life.  Anyway, last nights dream got to me.  It was my Mom, Grandpa, Uncle, Grandma and I.  We were standing in Grandma and Grandpa's bedroom, and Grandma showed up, and it was like she had come back from a long trip or something, even though I knew she had come back from the dead...and I looked at her and started to tear up and she looked deep into my eyes with this hard stare that she had, and told me I better not make her cry (this is something I never saw in 23 years) and then we all had a group hug.  Later, Grandma and I went out to the living room and sat and talked for a while, I asked her lots of questions, which she answered without getting annoyed (also not typical of when she was alive), and I sat there with her like I had wanted to my entire life, comfortable, not feeling judged for anything I say or do, and actually talking to her without awkward silences. 

Ok, so now that you know the background and the dreams, they are pretty regular, I'd say I have one or two sometimes more, per month.  So what I want to know is, are these dreams just my subconcious trying to fix what I thought was wrong with our relationship, and help me grieve by telling me that she isn't too far away?  Or, could this be her coming to me, like the night of her death?  I haven't had a hard time dealing with her death really, I accepted it, I miss her, sometimes I miss her a lot, but I truly am doing just fine with the fact that she's gone, so I don't quite think I need subconcious help to grieve.  Anyway...what is going on here?  Is this my dead Grandma talking to me through my dreams (I told you she was spiritual) - Or - is my subconcious just trying to help me sort out the events of the past year?  

I really appreciate you taking the time to read all of this, I know it is long winded, but I really appreciate it, and I hope that you will share some of your insight for me...I could really use some outside perspective.  So thank you! :)

Seraizdaprincess Seraizdaprincess
22-25
3 Responses Feb 21, 2009

I just want to thank you for your comments on this, I think that you all have very valid points and your insight on this has really helped me to understand what is going on. I really appreciate your opinions. Thank you! :)

Mr Manager seems to have a good idea of it I think. I agree with that. Thanks for sharing.

I really do believe that could be the spirituality of your grandmother coming through. Now she sees what your relationship could have been and how you did long for that closeness so she is coming to you in your dreams so you can experience on what you missed out on. But It seems as if it is your subconscious bonding with new memories that you couldn't have with your grandmother in real life. Sometimes we see and feel things in our dreams that we cannot see or feel in real life, in your case a close, non-judgmental, open relationship with your grandmother. I think it is coming through because you do feel like you missed out on this relationship when she was still alive. It could be a mix of the two. <br />
Anyway, I don't really know much about dreams but that is just my interpretation.