Terrifying Repeated Dreams

I have been married for 4 years to a wonderful man and about 1 year ago he hurt my feelings when he started his new carrer and the girl he worked with he told me that "shes hot and im just jelous" and i cryed about it and then he told me it was a joke but i dont belive it. And that same day he asked me to come over to his job so we can go have lunch together with our 1 year old daughter so took me 45 min to get there and when i got there hes having lunch with the same girl and offered me left over french fries well ofcorse i was mad and upset and left home and thats when he told me that i was jelous of her well im not at all shes a gothic looking girl always wears everything black and im the opposite of that. And after that day me and my husband fight none stop. Ive completley lost trust in him. And later on i started having these dreams that he cheats on me with this asian women shes alot older then me (not the same girl that he said that shes hot). I had a deam that he even got a tattoo of her name on his shoulder but i dont know the name though. And i continue having the dream they are not exactly the same but its him and that asian women in defferent scenes and so on. And i get them at least once a month sometimes twice a month and i have been having them for over a year. And i got pregnant with in that year and we had our second baby girl. I mean i love my girls so much and i dont want anything to happen between me and my husband that will just break their hearts they love their daddy! But i still have those dreams and i forgave my husband for everything. And this is where the disturbing part is he got a position at a different city where we really wanna live so he took that position and we moved and i love it here dont ever wanna move again but then there is that asian women ive been seeing in my dreams she works with him at his new position!!!!!!!!!!!! Thats where my hears just blew up in to peices! And i still have the dreams, that asian women shes in her i think mid 30s and she has a boy friend she has never been married or has any kids and my husband is only 28! And i go to his office alot cuz we live right there walking distance and she always talks to my kids and even holds my younger daughter but then she doesnt say anything to me well shes tell me hi and then just ask how are my kids doing! And always tells me that they look just like my husband! And that they are so adorable! And if my husband is there with us and she would just talk to him and pretend im not even there! And one day he started telling me how to dress like if he sees this lady with this hair do he would tell me to do my hair like her or dress like her! Im me and im not gonna copy anyone! so i had enough and i told him that i dont like that! But after all that crap ive been i dont feel pretty anymore! He tells me everyday that im beautiful but i just dont feel it! Like i used to id always blush and get a huge smile on my face when hed tell me that but not anymore! He tells me that he doesnt do anything behind my back and that he will never ever cheat on me and i do belive that! But why those dreams keep coming back! And last night i had another dream and thats where i had enough of it! It was about my husband and that asian women that she was in our house sitting at my computer desk and my husband was staning next to her and my both girls were there they were looking at something on the computer and they were all happy laughing and one of my daughter called her mama and thats where i screamed in my dream and just woke up sweaty and shaking! And thats why im reaching out here trying to get some answers cuz everytime i ask my husband for help and tell him all about this he just tells me im on my own with this! So anyone please tell me if there is anything i can do to stop these dreams! I cant do it anymore! Please i need some answers!!!!!

mamachkaof2 mamachkaof2
22-25, F
3 Responses Mar 11, 2010

Wow, so i'm not the only one, huh?<br />
I won't tell you the whole story because it would take forever to type out, but I have dreams of my boyfriend cheating on me with one of his close friends. He has never cheated on me, and he doesn't like her more than a friend, but things have come up in the past involving this friend that gave me reasons to feel threatened by her. I have these nightmares usually every night. It's horrible, they always feel realistic, like it's really happening, and sometimes i wake up crying. I used to stay up as late as i could so that i'd be too tired to dream. Unhealthy, i know.<br />
My boyfriend and i think that I'm stuck in the cycle of being upset over the past and not focusing on the present. It sounds like you're in the same boat.<br />
Being as dreams are the subconcious' way of reaching out to you, it seems that this problem is on your mind a lot of the time. I think that if you talk to your husband about this, in a calm manner (no accusations on either side), this will help calm your nightmares, as your mind will be at peace from the reassurance.<br />
I hope this helps.

even though i am not married, but i am in a serious relationship and i do understand where you're coming from i.e. your husband telling you to dress like this or that. to some extent, i think (please don't get offended) that because you've been seeing these dreams for quite some time, they are now starting to take over you, mentally, (they are building up on you) and even if there is nothing between your husband and that lady, you tend to think that there is because of these dreams. i guess somewhere or the other, your insecurity is getting expressed through your dreams. dreams are another way of expressing one's unheard emotions.<br />
yes i do agree to that fact that the asian lady u saw in ur dreams and how she's there in real, is quite freaky. i also agree to the fact that your husband says he's not with u in this is totally wrong. it hurts a lot when you don't get support from your most loved one. your pain is, unconsciously, being expressed through your dreams. <br />
i agree with the previous comment, above, that you have beautiful girls, your the woman that he comes home to. you are the closest thing/person to him. he can never let you out of his heart. at the end of the day, a man wants a woman who takes care of him, his life, his family, who takes care of his every little thing, who loves him and everything about him - which only a WIFE can do. Not an business associate or some random 3rd woman. you have been married all these, by god's grace - you've come so far with your man, you both are meant to be. :) hope i have helped you.

wow thats pretty intense...i understand that your husband and your horrific dreams are making you very negative about yourself, its not nice to believe that someone isn't being true to you...I had a similar situation once, i was convinced that my boyfriend preferred my friend and he was the type to play on that jealousy to keep reminding him that i cared, it became almost an obsession...however looking back now i realise that she was jealous of me and the best thing i could have done in that situation was to be confident in myself and have confidence in my bf instead of getting upset....My advice to you is, when your husband tells you your pretty, blush and believe it and give him your dazzling smile...Believe in yourself, you have kids together and your the person he goes home to, not this asian woman...Like many people say, you can't believe in someone who doesn't believe in themselves! try it, it may work, and just tell yourself that the only time you need to worry is when you have cold hard evidence about the asian woman....until then cherish what you have...i hope this has helped in some way :) all the best