I Dont Even Know Where to Begin

i cant even fathom how to describe the way my family functions. everyone thinks its their way or no way and everyone wants to get out. you know the phrase "the tables are turned".... well how can that apply when you are stuck in a revolving door? i know i know.. its not the same metaphor but bear with me.

my dad is a stubborn pain in the *** that acts as if he is a psychologist rather than a parent. he will look at you as if he is giving an opportunity to let you talk and share exactly how you feel while he is actually forming the words of what he wants to say next without listening to you in any way. the words just fill the room without getting even an inch near his thick skull.

my older, soon to be 20 yr old, sister, Emilie, attended Mizzou and was on academic probation for two semesters. one being first semester of her freshman year and the other being first semester of her sophomore year. at the end of first semester sophomore year, my dad told her she would be applying to transfer to UMSL and live at home. she accepted this and knew it was a long time coming. he, in his own arrogant way, called her immature and stupid. she has been living there and got a job waitressing to try to continue to pay bills for her phone, car, etc. Emilie and i were both informed long ago that we would be expected to pay exactly 50% of our college tuition and our divorced parents would split the rest after the use of our college funds. my irresponsible sister chose to spend her money while still a high school student and lacked in the ability to save anything.

lately, Emilie has still been having difficulties with her grades, to say the least. our father has been harassing her about being more responsible for her actions and focusing on school. (i failed to mention he is also the type to hold money over everyone's head). Emilie, sick of being criticized, mentioned possibly getting her own apartment. He basically just looked at her and said you are incapable of keeping yourself alive and arent smart enough. she obviously was uspet. today, around 3:00 pm, Dad called me asking if i knew where she was (i was at my moms house where i live). i hadnt seen or heard from her since sunday morning when she left for work. he told me she left him a note, that "i love you and i'll be in touch" kind of thing, and just left. i tried to call her but she wouldnt aswer so i texted her.

she texted back and said she didnt want to talk but she was okay and would call him when she felt ready. somehow, my mom got her to answer the phone when she called. emilie said she was at her boyfriend, kyle,'s house and would at least be spending tonight there. my mom called my dad and told him he needs to back off for now and let her come home on her own or she wont come back anytime soon and will drop out of school so he cant control her anymore. his only arguement is "i am the parent. she'll do what i say, not what she wants" and he is just pushing her away and not even trying to understand that he ****** up. i even told him that he obviously doesnt know how to care about other people. he sees everything his way and everything else ceases to exsist. she is on spring break for school right now so she has a break from that. my dad doesnt know where Kyle's house is at so he cant go get her. and she will answer her phone when it so pleases her. this is destroying my family and she doesnt even realize it. i dont know how to explain.

sjholsgc sjholsgc
18-21, F
6 Responses Mar 23, 2009

Families are all dysfunctional. Its all about how we work around it and still come out ... OK.

First, I think your dad is scared for you and your sister's future and just doesn't know how to show it. When your father was growing up that was the preferred parenting style. This just doesn't work on today's youth. I have no idea what changed. I agree with your mom's advice even though it is very scary for a parent.

Stay strong. My brother has done the same thing to us.

Family should be one friends to start with , before beings parents , sisters etc...

You say that you're staying at your Moms house so I take it that your parents are seperated or divorced. If that is the case then the problem may be that you have a family who is going throught the trauma of hurt and anger. So it seems to me that you've only identified a small part of the problem. Talking about it amongst yourselves is a great start however in practice this is not always easy. Since this issue concerns you enough to write about it on this website let me suggest that you take the lead on this. If you're not sure where to start ask! Take care

Your sister might not be all that responsible but it seems like the real problem in your family is with your father. I think what you need to do is have a meeting somehwere, all four you. Your parents, you and your sister. Then all of you should tell the others how you're honestly feeling, and the three of you should have a serious talk with your father, to make him understand why he's doing things the wrong way. Maybe he's in pain too, but can't find a way to express it. I think this would benefit all of you. Best of luck!