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My Family Has Fallen Apart - It Will Take A Miracle To Get Us Back Together.......

The falling apart of my family started several years ago.  I received a letter in the mail from a family member making accusations that my husband had abused their daughter when she was 4 or 5, again when she was in 7th grade.  Our lives were ruined.  we were told two stories of which I, myself, was present at both incidents and I knew it happened and said nothing.  It sickened me to think this could have happened, but there was no way it could have as my husband was not even present during these incidents she claimed.   so she came back with another story and said it happened a different time and then again another story and another.  Get the picture!     I had called a sister and she was sick about it and said it happened.  NO ONE ever asked us anything.  Of course, there was nothing to say as it did not happen.  So it was over, my family was lost forever.  I had no communication with my family for many months, then my sister whom i had called that dreadful day decided she didn't know if she believed what was being said.

The parents of the girl had said my husband's therapist had admitted to the girl's therapist that yes he could have done it.  Well, i know HIPPA does not allow such things to happen without my husband's knowledge so when i called them on it, they back tracked and said oh, no, her therapist did not say that, we were mistaken.  They have made up stories about me as well, saying i know he did it and i am covering for him.  Another one, is i am abused by him so i am afraid to tell the truth.   Wow, they have gone thru many many stories to make themselves look good.  

So this has been going on for years and my mother called me once a few days after all this started.  She quit inviting me to family functions and quit calling (which consisted of maybe 3 times in last several years).  I have tried to tell her our side (of which there is nothing to say, because it did not happen), but she refuses to listen to me.  I have raised my voice to her trying to get her attention and she will not. listen.  Her answer to everything is to hang up on you and refuse to answer the phone again. 

So after another year or so, a brother has starting talking to me as well.   So i have a brother and a sister that communicate with me.  And guess what, being they associate with me, our mother has very little communication with them.  She has started not to invite them to family functions as well.  There are 6 children in this family so she has 3 on her side whom will not talk to any of us. 

She tried last Easter to have a family function and guess what, i was invited.  So i was invited and no one else came except for handful out of 30 of us.   Does that tell you how many stories have been told and how they just can't let it go.  They have even gone so far as to ask our daughter if she was abused by her father.  they have begged for her to tell them the truth.  it is so sickening. our daughter is way too smart to fall into their little games.  She is a Psychology major and can see right thru them. She has not seen her grandmother in two years.....  She used to call her grandmother, but no longer cares either.  We have decided it is more important to have my husband, myself and her as a tight family... 

My father died several years ago and we know our family would not be like it is if he was alive today.  He was the one that kept us together all the time.  It is very effident how hard he worked at it too. 

I am seriously thinking about having family counseling and inviting my mother.  I guess if she does not show up, i will know exactly how she feels about her family - except her perfect 3 kids that dcan do whatever.  It is a very sad sad situation.  I just would like some kind of peace in the family someday.  I have in the past been the one called upon by my mother to keep us together.  Sad how you can go from the peacemaker to the homewrecker in one day. 

At first i cried everyday for 6 months asking God for help.  I begged my dad to give me some kind of sign to help me.  Then one day, it just quit.  I don't know why, but it did.  Now i have really no feelings toward my family.  I don't care really if i ever see them or talk to them again, but i don't want to be known as the one that didn't try.  

I really wish i could take back everything i and my husband did for our nieces and nephews when they were small.  we did nothing but love the heck out of them.  and this is the thanks we get today.  

If any one has any ideas on what can be done, please let me know.   

spudcat spudcat 51-55 2 Responses Mar 3, 2010

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Your family sound like bu%@^#*es! Why would you even want to talk to them after all that. I know its nice to have family and feel like you are connected to community through a sense of family- but really- that is too much. A good question to ask yourself might be 'In what capacity do I believe I deserve to be treated this way?'. <br />
Would be interesting to see what would happen if you totally wiped them... I bet they would start apologizing and wanting to be your friend again. While you are putting up with this they have power over your emotions, and they like that sense of power. Choose you. All the best.

you know , i think if a family treats you that way, you shouldnt have the desire to associate with them anyway. it isnt fair at all that you have been treated this way by your entire family and i hope things get better for you