Does True Friendship Even Exist?

I have come to realize that I am about as gullable as one can be, but can't seem to figure out why.  Here is my story.


I had a "best friend" for over 10 years.  I loved her as much as my own sister.  She turned out to be the biggest ***** I have ever known.  Extremely nasty to people.  The problem I had with this was that she just seemed to get so much joy from being so nasty.  I am sooooooooo far on the other side of that.  Anyway, after I suffered for years of this, I finally broke away.  I never said anything nasty to her.  I never went out of my way to hurt her.  I just walked away.  There was no attempt from her to communicate with me.  She just went on as if nothing had ever been.  I know this because of mutual friends.  It hurts so much to know that I gave over 10 years of my life to a friendship that never really existed. 


This "best friend" went out of her way to disrespect me and my family as well as our "mutal friends".  I was upset more for the disrespect shown to the others than I was for myself.  Weird, huh?  Anyway, the "mutual friends" still hang out with them, knowing how badly this person hurt me and how she disrepected them.  I am having a real difficult time remaining friendly now with the "mutual friends".  I have been trying to put my past behind me and forget I have knew this "best friend" of mine.  But, she is constantly in my face through these "mutual friends".  I have been so hurt that I just cannot get past it.  I don't know what to do.  I explained to the "mutual friends" that I would rather not hear anything about my ex-best friend. 


Then this other "friend" comes into my life.  It started out as just being neighbors, then we all began hanging out together.  The "mutal friends" I spoke of live right across the street.   The new friend and her family had to move back in with her parents on another street.  So, now every other weekend when our grandchildren come over and they want to play with her children, she invites herself over.  She then invites the "mutal friends" over as well.  I don't even have any contact over these get togethers with the "mutual friends".  Anyway, the husband (mutual friend) always heads back across the street right afer we eat, the husband (new friend) sits and plays with his computer gadget, which leaves us women and teenagers playing cards.  My husband does participate, only for my benefit.  In addition, I am left with the cleanup from these get togethers.  This is every other weekend.  So, the last time my new friend called and asked if we were planning anything for the weekend I just said I hadn't even thought about it.  So, that weekend went on by. ( Now know that I enjoy spending time with my husband more than anybody else in the world.  And vice versa.  We are still in love after many years of marriage.  We don't need to do something with other people. )  So, on Monday my new friend calls me and asked if we wanted to get together this weekend.  Of course this will be at my house, again.  I told her that if she and her husband wanted to come over and play some cards we could do that, but that I didn't want a big get together.  I just came out and told her that if we can hang out and play cards as adults that would be fine but the hanging out with the teenagers was wearing thin.   I am betting that I won't hear another word about it.  You know why?  Because if the "mutual friends" see her vehicle over here and she had not called and invited them, it will be a reflection on her.  So, I don't imagine I will hear anything more about it.  So, what it boils down to is this:  she will hurt my feelings to spare theirs. 


I may be over dramatic about this whole situation but the hurt I experienced from my so-called "best friend" has really soured me.  I find myself giving in and saying yes when I really want to say no.  I don't know why I worry about someone's feelings when they obviously could care less about mine.


I do want friends but I don't need them bad enough to go through the heartache again.  Am I putting up a wall?  Does anyone have any good advice for me as to how to deal with this?  I am so ready to just say **** it all!


Thanks for letting me vent.

LouavulGal LouavulGal
46-50, F
Feb 16, 2010