I Hate It

I used to have a happy, fun, positive life. But everything was gone now. My sense of humor and comic character fade away, I fake a smile, I'm always angry and I have no one to talk to. I so miss my childhood where I'm always fun, happy and though we're not rich I feel love anywhere I go. But now it was gone.
Now, I always think about money, money and money. When I started to work at such a young age, 17 to be specific after I quit school, I became like this. I feel insecure and unproductive. I'm 20 now and I feel like I'm left behind, my life is so boring and everything is wrong. Mama called me last night, asking me to come. But now, I am hesitant to go home because everyone will ask me how am I doing and I hate to lie. I don't want to receive any pity from them. They know I'm happy and have an amazing career, but they don't know the truth. I avoid contacting my family and friends because I'm tired of lying. But I guess I cannot hide from them any longer.
RATM1991 RATM1991
18-21, F
4 Responses May 19, 2012

I never really had a fun life but I had a sense of humor that could make people roll around with laughter. That faded and died a long time ago. Best to just show your true feelings I suppose. The sooner the better if it's bothering you

I wrote this last year..kinda feel bad about myself.. im better now..much better than yesterday i guess..but not happier than the past..:)

Feel you.<br />
At least your life in your teen years was fun. Mine isn't; boxed in and restricted....literally.<br />
I just wish I can have some excitement in it. I sometimes feel that my un-fun childhood will reflect on the person I become when I grow older in a negative way; like a behavioral problem of being unsocial, quiet, boring and unwanted. <br />
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I even start to feel this now.......<br />
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Hopefully I'm wrong. Hopefully I'll grow up and break out of this tight shell and finally find who I am, know where I want to be, and have those really close friends that I can fall back on to have a good time.<br />
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Nevertheless, these are the real years of fun. At 17, my life is like a smooth bill-less, stress-free (sometimes) ride, thus perfect to do anything. I know I'll never get these years back, nor will I have some fun stories to exchange with my future kids (hope they don't think I'm boring and exile me from being their mother...awks). Heck, I won't have that childhood friend cause I don't feel that friendship connection with them at the moment and it's been 8 years! <br />
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However, one day, and I PRAY, one day my life will turn around in a good way before I'm gone forever (not normal thinking for people my age). I don't care if it starts when I'm 35. I just want to enjoy it more.<br />
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As for now, hoping for something spontaneous to happen is pathetic in my point of view.<br />
Thank you parents for restricting me to your old ways even though we're in the 21st century..... <br />
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Love you to death, but please.............give me something. Don't you find them to be a big factor on why you are the way you are?<br />
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trust me my situation is more worse :(

I am also bored. Nothing to do all the time and i am so lonely. No one to talk to.