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I Hate It

I used to have a happy, fun, positive life. But everything was gone now. My sense of humor and comic character fade away, I fake a smile, I'm always angry and I have no one to talk to. I so miss my childhood where I'm always fun, happy and though we're not rich I feel love anywhere I go. But now it was gone.
Now, I always think about money, money and money. When I started to work at such a young age, 17 to be specific after I quit school, I became like this. I feel insecure and unproductive. I'm 20 now and I feel like I'm left behind, my life is so boring and everything is wrong. Mama called me last night, asking me to come. But now, I am hesitant to go home because everyone will ask me how am I doing and I hate to lie. I don't want to receive any pity from them. They know I'm happy and have an amazing career, but they don't know the truth. I avoid contacting my family and friends because I'm tired of lying. But I guess I cannot hide from them any longer.
RATM1991 RATM1991 18-21, F 4 Responses May 19, 2012

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I never really had a fun life but I had a sense of humor that could make people roll around with laughter. That faded and died a long time ago. Best to just show your true feelings I suppose. The sooner the better if it's bothering you

I wrote this last year..kinda feel bad about myself.. im better now..much better than yesterday i guess..but not happier than the past..:)

Feel you.

At least your life in your teen years was fun. Mine isn't; boxed in and restricted....literally.

I just wish I can have some excitement in it. I sometimes feel that my un-fun childhood will reflect on the person I become when I grow older in a negative way; like a behavioral problem of being unsocial, quiet, boring and unwanted.



I even start to feel this now.......



Hopefully I'm wrong. Hopefully I'll grow up and break out of this tight shell and finally find who I am, know where I want to be, and have those really close friends that I can fall back on to have a good time.



Nevertheless, these are the real years of fun. At 17, my life is like a smooth bill-less, stress-free (sometimes) ride, thus perfect to do anything. I know I'll never get these years back, nor will I have some fun stories to exchange with my future kids (hope they don't think I'm boring and exile me from being their mother...awks). Heck, I won't have that childhood friend cause I don't feel that friendship connection with them at the moment and it's been 8 years!



However, one day, and I PRAY, one day my life will turn around in a good way before I'm gone forever (not normal thinking for people my age). I don't care if it starts when I'm 35. I just want to enjoy it more.



As for now, hoping for something spontaneous to happen is pathetic in my point of view.

Thank you parents for restricting me to your old ways even though we're in the 21st century.....



Love you to death, but please.............give me something. Don't you find them to be a big factor on why you are the way you are?



-HopingForHOPE

trust me my situation is more worse :(

I am also bored. Nothing to do all the time and i am so lonely. No one to talk to.