sometimes I feel like my parents dont want me around them any more . It feels really bad and I have been loved by them deeply , sometimes their love touches me and makes me feel like a slime for thinking such things . But it feels like they use me as a pet , someone they love and pet when they feel like it and the rest of the time kick it away . It is indeed like that . If they had really wanted me they would not criticise me all the time and say such soul peircing things . They would support me and console me . Why do they do this ? its an .. what to say ? dilemma . They always find something to scold me about , always say some really ****** things and hurt me to the soul . My dad sometimes hits me and when tears come out , he thretens to hit me more if a sound comes out . He pains me so much and sometimes , he takes care of me so nicely that it confuses me , wether to love him or hate him . My mother is a different case she screeches at me all the time .
I dont know how they find faults with me but they do and that makes me miserable . Ask both of them if there is anything good at me and they say we dont know . might be , we never noticed . How does that make me feel ? like a an unloved mistake they are forced to carry around .
I tried to take it positively . Thinking that they love me thats why they always keep pointig my mistake so that /I will become perfect but even my positive attitiude is fading . They fight in front of me on me , my mom says I have potential and my dad says I am wasted , and mentally unfit . It makes me want to go die in some rat hole . I feel like **** and they even point it out to me that I am the reason for their fight and I am the peace destroyer .
I hate this . If they never liked me and never want me around why the hell do they bear me in their house and why the ocaasional once in a sometime kindness ?