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Feeling Like A Victim...of Love

I have been hiding it even from myself but for how long am I going to hide it. I don't know even if I want to be with him or not. We have been in along distance relationship from more than 3.5 yrs now. He loves me more than anything and in every 45 days he finds out a way or another to come and meet me... He lives with his parents so it becomes difficult for him to give all the excuses as his parents are very strict and against his any kind of affair... Still he manages to talk to me on phone everyday at whatever time I want , he waits for everyone to sleep at his home and in the night comes on his terrace just to talk to me.. he spends hours there just to listen to my voice which he says he loves a lot...he patiently listens everything that I have to say and never ever leaves a single effort from his side to make me happy....... but there is something missing.......................I don't know what it is.... but I am not so happy with i should be..
Maybe it is because he is very childish at times,he is not matured at all, I have to support him to get out of problems at times, he is not good at taking decisions,very possessive,he never listens and considers my views ...and so many more things...
Many times I have said to him to end this relationship.. but he never is ready to end things... I am his first priority but some things in his nature repel me.. I feel like a prisoner sometimes--I cannot go against his orders,I cannot leave him, I cannot live my own life....
I don't want to hurt him, I never wanted that..that's the main reason I decided to be in relationship with him as he was my best friend 4 yrs back and I could not see him crying and unhappy because of me..............but today I don't know what to do..I really don't know which way should I choose.. He is never going to leave me--this feeling comforts me and frightens me too..makes me feel like a prisoner........
I don't know whether i am right or he is....plzz help me..!

Adreamer14 Adreamer14 22-25, F Jan 20, 2012

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