I Don't Even Know Me

I really don't. It is so hard to tell because I act differently around everyone. Different people bring out different traits around me. I act differently everyday, but I am not really bipolar. It is hard to explain.
killthejill killthejill
18-21, F
1 Response Jul 14, 2007

i remember as a young child i told my mom, worriedly, after doing some thinking that "i play differently with different people." my mom thought it was a brilliant thing for a child to say, but i was confused because it was just one more thing that made me feel different and distanced from my peers.<br />
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i don't know how someone would see it from the outside, but it still feel that that is true today. and in some ways, it is a good thing. it means we are not one-dimensional. but it gets lonely to - lately, since coming to college, i guess, and expecting to meet people who might be more like me, i have felt this even more strongly. different aspects of myself are coming out here, and that is great, but i still feel like people can only see on part of me at a time, that whatever people come to know if me it is still a tiny part of everything that i am. and i can't expect everyone to comprehend the entirety of what i am. but, lately, i have found myself yearning for just one person who gets past the surface, who can know me intimately. i don't want to be stuck in one dimension. it isn't as if the people around me are necessarily putting me into little boxes, but i am getting increasing tired of feeling like whole parts of me are not only going unseen, but unexpressed, unlived.<br />
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so that is my way of saying, i think i know what you are talking about.