Invisible

I feel like I dont exist to most people . Unless they need to use me for sex or money. This hurts like hell. I feel I was not wanted since before birth when my mom was too far along to abort me. I have not many friends , two at most that I trust. I was abandoned at the age of 15. To survive on my own. I worked and tried to graduate hs , but I had to work and got my GED. I feel I have been robbed. I am 38 now. A single mother. Alone. And when I say alone, I mean alone. I have no help. Financially , to help with kids. I have ******** off and on for a living to support my kids. I have a hard time holding a job due to no support system or help. My car broke down the other day and I had noone to call. I live in a town where I know noone. And I had to move my furniture all on my own with my suv . and a uhaul with all 3 kids inside. I finally paid some neighbor I didnt know 25 dllrs to help me move the fridge into the Uhaul. I have applied for tons of jobs , so I dont have to ***** : ( But none ever call back. My heart really hurts. I love my kids and they keep me going , eventho at times it gets soooooo hard. I dont know how much longer I can go thru this. I am hurting.. My mom calls only for money , she lives 10 hrs away. She abused me and let my step dad abuse me sexually. Nothing has been easy . Always abuse. I am alone because I had to leave the men who beat me. Who wants a 38 yr old ******** with kids by loser abusive different dads. And they only want the outside of me. I freaking hate it. I hurt now cuz I have to ***** again, havent for a yr. My heart hurts. i feel I am letting my kids down. Letting God down : (