No One Really Loves Me...

I've been thinking about this a lot more these days... I have no one and no one loves me I know that I will indeed die alone. My best friend is married and is about to have a baby hes 29 he loves his wife and comes from a good family. Dont get me wrong his family has its problems but what family doesnt... He seems so happy with her and I can tell he loves her a lot.

Recently his relationship was tested and he passed with flying colors. Before he met his wife he loved a woman named Patty. They were together for several years but like all women she eventually broke up with him and he spent a few years doing everything in his power to get her back which he couldnt. Fast forward to the future and hes now married and about to have a baby, one day Parry txt messages him out of nowhere just telling him that she was thinking about him and wants to know how hes doing. He almost failed this test but his heart and his love for his wife is truly strong and he passed with flying colors.

As happy as I am for him all this stuff really means is distance... More distance between me and him I fade deeper into the background of his life deeper in the back of his mind and I guess this is normal but it makes me more lonely. I dont have a family... My fathers ill and I tried to patch things up with him but hes not interested and truth be told neither am I theirs so much bad blood between us it would be to fake.

I guess I'm starting to realize that I really do need love someone to care about me someone to give me a reason to wake up in the morning and more then that someone for me to love someone to keep me honest... After all this time I still love her... I still love Emma and I keep asking myself what the **** is wrong with me am I sick or something? All the bullshit and lies she put me through all the horrible judgement calls I've made because I was "fallowing my heart" through all of this **** I still love her...

Its not right though cause its almost 4am here and I'm thinking about her and she doesnt give a damn about me. I think the best thing for me to do is just face reality and get ready to face a long lonely life by myself.
bushi132001 bushi132001
26-30, M
1 Response Nov 28, 2012

maybe you should tell her how you feel...

She knows...