Feeling Lonely And Invisible.

I'm 12. And lonely. I feel as if there's no one to talk to about anything! I don't even know if I even have REAL friends. They just seem to be people I can hang out with. I can't trust them with anything.

I guess I should say this: I suffer from depression, I cut, want to die(but not planning on it), want to smoke and do drugs to escape the pain. If I could find any, believe me, I would.

I can't tell my parents anything. They definitely won't understand. I won't even consider thinking about it. My big brother hates me and my family. My little brother is too young to understand and most likely would tell my parents. My parents will overeact and yell at me, perhaps get me a therapist or something.

My friends...They don't even feel like it. Like I mentioned above, they're practically just people I can hang around with, I can't talk to them about more serious matters. They wouldn't understand. They never had to deal with depression, they never had to feel worthless all the time and ignored. I'm always ignored. My friends, we're like a group. I'm always the most invisible one there. I try and try to be heard, but when I am, I'm dismissed a second later. I'm also a new student, so that doesn't help. It was the same in my old school though.

Everyone is also just always saying, "Oh, life sucks. I hate life." And all that. Why? Because their boyfriend/girlfriend broke up with them. Seriously? You're 12/13. It doesn't matter. And it's definitely not love. Honestly, how much more immature can you get after proclaiming your undying love to each other after dating for 2 days? It's not a valid reason to, "hate life". Some don't even have a reason. They're just saying they hate life because it's apparently now a trend. Sometimes it seems like a competition to see who's life is worse.

I'm not saying my life is so bad and stuff. It's pretty good compared to a lot of other people. I guess I'm just a selfish, ungrateful bit*h then. I would gladly give my life to another person who deserves to live.

The only person I can actually trust, I don't even tell her anything. She knows practically nothing about me, yet she knows the most about me than any other person. No one knows about my need to cut, my want to die, smoke, and do drugs. She's the closest person to me. Yet I'm still partially invisible to her.

It hurts. It really hurts.

I feel as if I'm way more mature than all my other classmates and stuff. But of course, who doesn't feel that way?

I just may be some whiny, 12 year old. I feel like such a bi*ch. I should be happy that my life isn't as difficult as a lot of other people. I guess I'm just a horrible person.
Insanityensues999 Insanityensues999
18-21, F
22 Responses Jul 11, 2010

I spent so many years feeling lonely and invisible too. I felt like I was the disposable one. It took me till I was 14 to meet the right friends. And it took me till I was 17 to recognize them as my best friends. Now and then I still feel lonely, because they aren't the type of people I can talk to about my inner emotions. However, they make me laugh and make everyday life easier. It took me till I got to college, second semester to find that one friend I could spill my heart out too.
I know you feel lonely, and probably will for a while, but I can promise that there will be a day you won't feel so invisible.

I feel like nobody spends time with me. Whenever I try to show my siblings something they just act like i'm a complete waste of there time. I don't even have friends, only one and we haven't seen each other in years. My mom always tries to cheer me up but I feel like nothing can help me. All I am is just an anime geek who gets called gay. All I want to do is curl up in a corner and stay there just crying until I can't anymore. Nobody understands me, i'm so lonely the only person i'm in love with is an anime character that I will never see. I feel like life is slapping me over and over again.

hey, it sounds like you are going through the exact thing i went through when i was your age. it started at around 5 when my parents began to fight a lot and i started to loose the ability to talk to anyone in my family. I also have an older sister and a younger sister that are the same as you said; my older sister doesnt really care about the family and my younger sister is too young to understand or keep it a secret. I am 20 now and have managed to stop cutting drinking and taking pills. Trust me. its not something you want to go through or something that you want your parents to go through. looking back on it i cant imagine the pain and stress i caused my parents. and at the time i cant tell you how much i hated them. like i honest to god dreamt of killing them both. so when i was hurting myself, i figured "who cares if it hurts my mom. she deserves it." but now that i realize what i put her through, i can see that NO parent deserves that. no matter how horrible they can be. and to be honest i still dont feel understood or like anyone listens to me. i have a best friend and good god i cant tell you how much i love her to death. but she and i know that i cant tell her about my pain because she honestly just doesnt understand it. she has never experienced depression. and (as im sure you know) if you are suffering from depression, you can't just talk to anyone about it. you have to talk to someone else who legitimatley has gone through it. for example, i went through years of thinking no one cared about my feelings because i would always tell people how much i was hurting but instead of understanding or caring, they would just be like "oh ya im depressed too... i only got 50% on my math test" or "ya i know how you feel. my mom didnt give me my allowance this month". and i felt exactly how you feel; like everyone thinks its a trend or they need to out-do my sadness. when really i was never talking to them to complain about how i felt but instead trying to get help and maybe fix it.

so anyways... you aren't alone, i have been going through the same thing for many years. I have managed to get away from depression for the most part. but it is never something you can completely destroy. and depression pills only make it worse because they are a fake escape. but please message me and we can talk about this more :) im not a psychiatrist but i have always wanted to be one because i know how to understand people in a way that most people cant. and im free to talk to! :P also, dont ever think you are a whiny beeotch. the only people who will think that are people who dont understand depression. your life could be perfect, but depression makes sure there is always a hole in your heart for no exact reason. So do your best to keep your chin up and realize that its just something you have to overcome <3 and you can overcome it, i promise :)

I'm going through the exact same phase. I'm 12. I used to cut. And I don't know my real parents. What is partly the problem is that Young people (like us) are starting to go through a phase where we are growing up. Which can cause moods over a long period of time.
I get what you mean when people say it is a 'trend to who has the worst life' people at my school say that. And I feel like giving them a nice slap in the face because some people (like me and you) aren't really happy wih our lives.
I would love for you to reply cos I would like to see if this helped you.

Tom

EVERYONE IS UNIQUE AND NOBODY IS HORRIBLE OR LESS THAN ANYONE ELSE. You just need to find your place, your friends and your place in life. it is easy to be confused and depressed, but it sods like yu are either more mature or meaningful than those around you. You say they, your friends talk about nothing, but what do you want to talk about, what matters to you. stope trying to be heard by those you don't care about or those that don't understand, one valued friend is with mre than a 100 people you just know.
You may think you re invisible to your friend, but if you are not open and honest with her, she may feel she is invisible toy you.

I can relate to the "fake friends" and the "no one understands or try to understand" I want to do those things to but something is always pulling me back from doing it. I just had the worse night of my life caught up in 2 situations. I thought I could leave today just to get a break but something happen now I have wait until 2morrow to do so! So I'm stuck n this stupid house today.. Let me tell you this.. I'm all free ears I know exactly how u feel. I won't fake it out by just preaching but I'll listen cause sometimes people need that.. So come to my profile and talk to me about anything u want. My name is keirra mitchell

You and I share something in common. I'm a talker, however as soon as I started becoming invisible I just went quiet, what the hell was the point in talking. In some cases people don't value my ideas (e.g. for a group science experiment) and therefore they space out and ignore me or they pretend to listen.<br />
<br />
When I was 14 on my group exam I was thinking along the lines of "what can I do to make sure everyone in my group is involved and can pass." That was only when I was the group leader, however since people ignored me we struggled with the task.<br />
<br />
When other people were the group member they had the attitude of "how can 'I' pass" the group was just something they had to put up with, they didn't make any effort whatsoever to involve those who were left out, or those who were unsure of how to help. There was no sense of "team" in there.<br />
<br />
So I'm 16 too and yes when I was your age I thought at a mature level, and still do. However as you get older you will start to find that although you are mentally ahead of your time in terms of the way you see and interpret the world around you; you will also find that at your core you are young girl growing up and exploring the world around you.<br />
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I still haven't found that one high school friend who understands me, I still am the invisible one, but if there is one thing you should do is try to get into Uni or a club or unitech or whatever it is your passionate about (I'm trying even though I struggle with some aspects of school) At Uni people tend to be eccentric and think on deep levels, your true time of developing the best friendships is when your past the teenage years, when your around 17-18 that's when your life will blossom from a bud to an open rose.<br />
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You will go far in life, that I am sure of. Yes I am not 18 yet, but I know that will happen, <br />
because I am very wise and very intuitive.<br />
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I hope you find a way to express yourself, I'm still searching, but most importantly do not give up.

Nicole...Your very smart....One thing that kept me hanging on was my poetry...Today , many years later I look back and read what I wrote at your age and I am amazed that i survived...We are all STRONG women !

i know the feeling at 12 years old it was a long time ago<br />
but death drugs are not the aswer get to school do the work so you learn to m,ake a living and get out of home as soon as you can and do not be a fool and let some boy talking you into playing house so you end up with a child and he is long gone

wow, you don't write like a 12 year old, you know that. anyway, i feel the same way you do although i'm much more older than you, 20. i don't really have what you might call as real friends. Honestly, I won't mind it if I were just to shut myself here in my own room and stay here for the rest of my life but life isn't as simple as that. i have to face reality that i need to socialize with other people and it's something that i suck at. i hate my life really but what can I do? i'm just trying my best to live everyday.

I have the same problem, but I don't cut myself, I do want to die, I feel alone, I can't even tell my bestfriend that I cry myself to sleep. Another one of friends ridicules me all the time. I feel like everything I say is wrong. <br />
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I'm 12 aswell and I just want someone who understands.<br />
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I'm not the prettiest girl in the world, I feel like I'm going to die alone, I have goals that I know I won't acheive. I don't have a worse problem than you, but I still have a problem. I also wish I could give my life to someone who deserves it. Like my sister who dies when she was born, she would've done a much better job with it.<br />
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I got some counciling but it did not help. <br />
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I just wish I could cry it all away but I can't.

I feel the same way too. I often cry in my room alone. i don't want to be seen as weak. I'm afraid that by telling someone, they would'nt understand. I just need someone to listen to me without being judged. I'm an introvert, and i find really hard to deal with my VERY outgoing classmates, even my parents. I'm always afraid to talk about my feelings 'cause i'm scared that my feelings might be invalidated, and people might avoid me and think that i'm overreacting. It's hard being alone and invisible...

Wow,im the same age,and I feel the same way.Thanks for posting this you must have alt of courage,good job. Well heres some advice:<br />
-look for a website where you can vent about everything you want and no one will know! heres a website you can try, tumblr.com <br />
-think of all the good stuff in life<br />
-find a way to express yourself anonyomously<br />
-write poems that explain how your feeling,or paint/draw how you feel<br />
<br />
i hope you will get through this the easy way!

All i want to say is.Insanityensues999. you took the words right out of my mouth. i feel like that too. exactly the same, and i thought no one else would feel that way.

I understand what you're going through because right now I feel like as if no one understand me. I ended my friendship with my best friend who was the only one that I could talk to and understand me more than anyone else. I guess what I'm trying to say is that no matter how hard life may gets; never give up.

i have felt invisable and hated all my life when i was brought home from the hosp after being born i was kept under a bed but now at 58 i still feel lonely no one seems to stick around me for long i am a nice person educated have two sons who call me sometimes sisters and brothers who don't have mujch to do with mewhen i speak it is like no one hears me or sees me cang seem to connect its lonely amd o feel very sad

i cant belive someone elts is going though the exact same thing as me....

I must say something .. BE POSITIVE .. actually everyday is a different day . if you don't think too much nagative . life can be beautiful.. remember everybody has or will have problems small or big . but choose a better way to slove it .. and you won't regret after.

jr. high just plain sucks. <br />
But don't resort to cutting or drugs or smoking, these things temporarily relieve pain, but don't solve anything, and only make you feel worse in the end. Does not thinking about how you cut and that you know you shouldn't make you depressed? drugs and smoking will do much the same thing, avoid the addiction, quitting isn't easy.

You can't give up. You may feel alone but you're not. Depression sucks. I get that but, you aren't selfish, you're not a bit*h, and you are not horrible, you're depressed. I've had similar thoughts. I still think to myself, "there are a lot of people with serious life problems and I'm going to run crying to my mommy and daddy because I'm a little bit sad?" And drugs won't prove or solve anything. Trust me, I live and breath self-destruction, but they'll only make things worse. You're problems would pile up more and more and it'd be three times harder to tear them down again. The best advice I can give to you is to talk to that one person you can trust. It's hard. It hurts. I get it, but over time things get worse, trust me. Some discomfort now could save you a lot of pain later.

oops...I should know how to spell choices...lol

Insanityensues..You do write like a person who is much more mature. I'm a fifty year old women, what can I say that you would undersatand, where is our common ground ? You are me when I was your age. There is help for depression, Please talk to someone outside of your family who can help. school counsellor, maybe there is a youth support group in your neighbourhood? I went where your thinking of going...self destructive behaviour almost took my life....being misunderstood is painful, not knowing that it is imperative that you love yourself is painful,being vulnerable with others is painful. It isnt always that people who should don't love you but that they never had an example themselves, never learned how to show it...Life WILL get better, but dont let the choises you make today take away your tomorrow....My favourite saying today is ...DON'T GIVE UP FIVE MINUTES BEFORE THE MIRACLE ! I love who you are.