Sometimes You Just Say Wtf?

it's strange. there are like two me's: a "public" me and a "private" me
while in class or walking around campus and what not i remain withdrawn, i want to talk to people, but am just not compelled to approach. I get the feeling i'm off putting in that "i'm mysterious" and that people can't read me. The paradox is that i don't like to engage unless i can read others; hence cyclical seclusion and my own isolation. once i do talk with people though, it sorta throws them off in that 'private' me is a near polar opposite. I enjoy talking to people and listening to them, also debating and reflecting.

I come across as cold and stoic in public, but once i'm comfortable with someone or a group of people, i'm the guy making everyone laugh and a type of shoulder to lean on when needed (but not patronizing, mind you)

and it's funny because i can see people who are unsure about me and who work on, fully understandable, assumptions about me; but the niceties they try to show, or the prodding that they undergo is misguided and kinda laughable in and of itself

the point is, i say no one understands me, but i am fully aware that i give no opportunity. so is it more fit so say that i not understand them? The other people simply use their intuition to be courteous and friendly (or not, depending of course) to get to know me so that they know how to engage me, or how to be 'polite' around me

meanwhile, i'm doing the same as to not offend them in any way

and finally, i objectively look at it and say "wow, this is stupid" the whole situation is avoidable and stupid, but something in me forces it

so again, am i who is misunderstood?
stantheman0820 stantheman0820
22-25, M
May 15, 2011