A Different Tale

I have been married for 33 yrs now, and for the last five i have been living a totally "intimacy" free life. Her health has declined, but not totally incapacitating. But she has experienced some mind boggling things i will admit that. But i have been her rock, her biggest fan thru it all. She doesnt ask for hugs, doesnt ask me to hold her, nadda. I told her i need to know you need me for something besides the person that puts a roof over her head and food on the table (with tears in my eyes). When she hugs me, its been when ive been despondent and with a look of pity on her face.

I should say that her health, after the annual "P" exam yesterday, has declined to the point it is most painful. now it makes sense why. dont get me wrong, i empathize with her; but im not ready to surrender that part of my life due to her health.

let me tell you, any woman, and i do mean any woman who offers me intimacy out of pity can go **** in the wind. i deserve much better than a pity f***, far more than that.

honestly ive felt for a very long time that no woman wants me, not even my wife. does she react to that statement, noooooooot. ive never smoked, but in this last week ive felt like taking it up. im also not suicidal, thats never an option, but i have been wondering what i have left to live for.
txtazman txtazman
51-55, M
Jan 17, 2013