In Pain

 There was a period of time where i felt that no one cared about me.  Not my friends, not my family, nobody.  I fell into some serious depression, eating to cure my pain.

It's like nobody tells me what is going on. I'm always alone, not knowing what to do.  Everyone seems to be busy with "I dunno what" and I got nobody to talk to. It came to a point where I cried myself to sleep almost everyday.  Some of my friends went out without telling me and later on i'll realize they went out for a movie or something... I'll be so angry, wondering are they really my friends.  I was so lost. I hated myself, felt like there's nothing to live for.  I just hated life.


dieting84 dieting84
22-25, F
3 Responses Oct 4, 2009

Thanks =)<br />
Worthwhile friends are indeed not easy to find. I agree tremendously on that. And it does take a lot of effort to keep them I realize. I'm working on it and have a maybe 1 or 2 such friends which I really treasure now. Took a few years before i could find such people. And I'm really glad that I'm not the only one feeling this way.<br />
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And yes! when i was in a horrible depression, and people started sensing it, they starting avoiding me even more! And i started shrinking away and felt even more lonely and just wanted to hide under the table everyday and not come out! It was horrible.. horrible horrible.. I'm just glad that I'm on a road to recovery.

aww, i'm sorry that you feel this way. do you know what started this feeling of being lonely? being in a relationship of any sort requires you to give and take. have there been moments when they've asked you to do something and you've turned them down? take some time to examine yourself, find out why you feel like you're alone and take some steps to change it. great friends are still waiting for you, just silently standing there....reach out to them. best of luck to you! {HUGS}

Dieting84, the intensity of the loneliness is unbearable. It seems never end. I had those feeling for years, being bullied at school and had no one help or care. HAD Never been asked to go out with my classmate for over few years. During the recess, always looking for some corner to hide so no one would see my loneliness and I didn't have to force myself to "belong". But it all came to pass now because I have never given up hope. <br />
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I just wrote these writings about 30 mins ago, hope you don't mind. I like to share with you. <br />
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We are living in a plastic society. Relationships are often not taken seriously. People often treat one another without the attention they deserve. Maybe we all afraid to trust one another and open up ourselves to let them in. It is really hard to invest emotion to build up a new relationship coz it takes courage and time.<br />
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P.S. Worthwhile friends are not easy to find, because by definition they are not easy to find. Once we find them, it will mean a life long relationship. Because they are so precious. I have few of those friends. They are precious to me. But I have to take lots of risk and time to find them, the process can be really hurtful. But they are worth the hurt and wait. They remind me the world is a beautiful place.<br />
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I like to share this writing with you.<br />
You have a tender and kind soul. It is amazing at times you felt you were being mistreated, but you responded to them with kindness. I still don't understand why people can be so cruel to one another. I was often hurt by them. But one of the way I can make a world a better place is by "be the change I want to see in the world". Hopefully, it will bring people smiles and they will respond with kindness. If not, it is ok. I am proud of who I am by engaging in such belief. I can't control how they should treat me but I can control my response and my feelings. It is easier to type than done. Sigh..... so far I have not given up. I am still cheerful and happy in this way. I guess this is an unending journey. Add you to my circle, I like your thinking.