I Feel Like A Freak And Its All My Fault...

 I'm smiley, I'm happy, I do alright in school, I look normal, I have fun, I'm friendly, I'm cute.

Thats what they think anyway. But no one knows I'm a self harmer, not deep but i still do it. I need to do it, and i hate myself for it especially cause i cant seem to stop. I hate myself,  I'm overwhelmed,  I feel like i make no difference, I feel no one cares. And the worst part? My life is normal, which makes me feel even more guilty for being like this. 

So yeah, I'm a freak despite seeming normal. No matter what anyone says. I've been going to counselling for a little while, and i just want to get better. 

Progress so far: Zero. Its gonna be a long road. 

"So many people are looking to me to be strong and to fight but i'm just surviving"

And thats my story so far... Sorry for being so morbid, just thought i'd share, even if no one reads it thought it would be nice to get it off my chest x

Saffyx Saffyx
18-21, F
4 Responses Mar 10, 2010

don't worry about it i try to do my best in subjects as well and try to seem normal the only things that are different to you and me is that i do sometimes do self harming but hardly ever and i don't do counselling but its ok and it is a huge relief to get it off your chest good luck for the future <:)

ive been in the same situation self harm and the rest that follows life will be hard and i think it's just that period in our life where "us girls" are just trying to figure out our life if u know what i mean cause im lost hehe sorry <br />
<br />
but trust me for me it was like this particular year was like a roller coaster ride and combined with a storm but in the end it all became so clear and i just saw it was me who was always bringing myself down there were tons of other people but like they say nobody can diminish you but your self make yourself feel worthy and happiness wont be far behind <br />
<br />
and i agree with the above comments and if you ever need someone to talk to just send me a message id love to talk

Get it off your chest. It does help. I know it does, but only if it appears that someone is listening.

though I am not sure how much similarity we share<br />
what I can stoutly say is that I totally understand your feelings<br />
you aren't erratic nor enormal ,of course<br />
It's all because of the seacon<br />
not the season of the year<br />
but the season of your life'<br />
you get it ?<br />
I am of your age<br />
what we should do is pace forward and leave anything that thwart your felicity<br />
"life will definately get bitter and harder "that's what adults shown me<br />
so cherish your yuthful happiness >,.,< or ,ours.