Habit Of Being A Buzzkill

I love to socialize and meet people, I want to get to know people better and share experiences but I always have this overwhelming feeling that im killing the buzz with almost every other sentence I utter, conversation seems frail around me a lot and I really just wanna emulate good vibes but I have a real inability at doing so. Sometimes I don't feel like that, I can tell when a good night has been had, it gives me a real content feeling when im not with mates but knowing that i've ruined a night for people especially when im trying my best to avoid such results really, hangs on my conscious. It seems that a large amount of stuff i like is really uninteresting, depressing and it effects my social life sometimes when I naively share these videos, articles and thoughts with friends, giving me some intense feeling some times when im alone. I know it may seem like a none issue but it really inspires me to get in the worst mood possible when i think ive severed a friendship by being honest with them, it aches my chest a little.

I have felt this way ever since i turned 13 really, constant backchat in my head about my decisions in conversation and real fluctuating attitudes on nights out.

I think its the common signs of social anxiety, but i want to know why i have it, there's only a few people I know in my life that I don't get it around mainly my brother, my dad, my good friends at home and one or two people at my university. Its feels like a curse, I wonder if this is what all people go through in life and I'm just a particular person who really emphasizes these parts of my feelings.

I really need some perspective if anyone thinks they can offer it.
An Ep User An EP User
Jan 21, 2013