Completely Alone In 34

I was bullied at school and university dormitory, then later at work. I am still shy but inside full of aggression. Now i am 34 and not married, no children. I lost my virginity with a total stranger whom i invited to my house when i faced depression thinking that i am stupid 30 years old virgin. I still regret about that story.We met second time then he disappeared.Then my depression worsened, i started to date to several men who were married, i got drunk and fight with my neighbors. I hated that place and sell my house. Now i live in different street in a new house. But i understand now by changing your location you can never change your soul, i still have bad memories and feel shame bitterness rgret