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One of the thing's I really hate about this site is that you dont alway's know where to post a story. You try to pull up a group only to find five hundred people have posted like storie's but because they changed one word in the title, you have five hundred group's all saying the same thing. Now if you are dealing with depression and your mood's change at warp speed then you wind up getting so angry just looking where to post that what ever you wanted to post is gone from you. Now I just look at what my group of friend's have posted and where and pick a hole. Close enough for horse shoe's.

bcBoomer call's it the Twilight Zoner and I call it my No Zone. I have no clue where it is at or what I do when I am there, I just know that I go there. And at time's it scare's me. I can be standing there talking to a person and I am gone, I dont see them, I dont hear them talking to me or I could be talking to them and in mid sentence I take a trip to the no zone. I have no Idea of what I was talking about and I am just standing there looking stupid. I sit down to watch a show on TV and when I open my eye's again so to speak there is another show on. I turn and ask the wife if she changed the channel and she just look's at me and then tell's me to go to bed. Too many time's when I return from my trip I am still lost. I can be sitting on my porch take a trip and when I first come out of it I cant grasp where I am at, for a few moment's nothing look's familure to me and I start to get scared. It is not fun. Somtime's it's a short trip and somtime's it's 30 to 45 minute's of just gone. It really scare's me to think that on one of these trip's that I wont find my way back.
Robert1256 Robert1256
51-55, M
6 Responses Jul 22, 2010

Thank You for reading and commenting Miss Owlie and of course Big Sis. The good day's and the bad day's are now a part of life and I know well the struggle to find the bright side and at time's cant. I keep looking for that one reason each day to face another and mostly find it in my grandchildren. I try me best and that is all I can do. My Best to you both.

Just Boomer again, and I wanted to come back and tell you what I meant about those falls down. You not only go in your own world but mess up everything you do when you come back for a moment! It's not that I have'nt tried to get over this feeling. because I've busted my butt trying to see life in a better way, behave in a better manner. But I know for a fact that when those good days come that I will be paying for it shortly.<br />
I sound so cryptic and I don't want to but it is what it is. It's been a bad winter and I am even worse. I'm feelling really down on the world right now, Hence my words, but I wanted those I care about and those I have just not even gotten to know well how it's going for me. I'm afraid this only seems all about me but I really wanted to tell someone I know how it feels and explain why I have not been around much for a while. I love my friends here, and to think I'd avoided EP because I felt so bad was just another one of my contradictory ways of dealing with life. Just adding my for what it's worth in, even if it was a bumpy trip. I do know that I judge myself much more than anyone else, and I need to have some deep conversations with God about how it seems life will always be from now on, and I know Iwanted to make contact with someone here, even though I have done a lousy job of it. God Bless you guys and hang in there.

I'm glad this story is back again since it's exactly how I'vw been for a while now. It's one of those things that seems to come and go but it comes and always wears out it's welcome, leaving you feeling wiped out and wondering why life is pretty smooth and suddenly you're in that place again. I almost hate to have a good day because I know it won't last.<br />
You have done well Robert, as Owlie said, but for me those good spells are'nt worth the fsll bac

I'm glad this story is back again since it's exactly how I'vw been for a while now. It's one of those things that seems to come and go but it comes and always wears out it's welcome, leaving you feeling wiped out and wondering why life is pretty smooth and suddenly you're in that place again. I almost hate to have a good day because I know it won't last.<br />
You have done well Robert, as Owlie said, but for me those good spells are'nt worth the fsll bac

Hi Robert..this was printed last year..just wanted to know if these episodes are gone. You've made tremendous progress in so many respects...

Welcome to my world, Robert1256. Physical pain is not fun but emotional pain can scare you to death!<br />
I dwell on this constantly, yet I see by writing now that I've started going back and reading my own stories, that I am like a contradiction of myself. It's as Indians said to us long ago - we speak with forked tongues- maybe many really did this while many were not in agreement with those that did. Yet<br />
maybe we are constantly fighting with our own selves, if our memory has any physical affects. If you are a victim of many mood swings or blank places you can sound one way or hear one way than you do at other times. I'm in the process of going back and rereading or reading for first time ,stories I've <br />
written and posted without a backwards glance. I don't like it but it seems that a different person can be be writing at times, yet even so, I find some little string of truth through all of it. It's disconcerting enough to have all these different feelings but seeing it written down and know that it's all you, it's upsetting and painful to be looking at me the way others see me all the time and how I see me at different times, yet thinking I'm looking at the same person all the time too.