I Feel Like A Horrible Person...

......And everyone wants to know why, I'm sure. All I try to do is make everyone around me happy...as cheesy as that sounds, and I just feel like a total failure. I am a perfectionist, which means I get frustrated with myself easier than most, and take things out on myself much harder. I haven't done anything directly to make me feel like a bad person...I just feel like everyone would be better off without me in their life. I don't think I really deserve having anyone care about me I guess. I try so hard to do good, but at the end of the day, its like I've still let someone down. And really, I'm not making myself happy because I'm too focussed on everyone else. I have so many insecurities, and they are starting to take hold of every relationship I have. I used to be so confident in every way...now I just feel like everyone hates me, and it makes me hate myself. I've always felt in control of my emotions...even if they were irrational, I have always been able to figure things out on my own....but now I'm not so sure. A lot has changed with me in the last 2 years, and I almost feel like a different person. I don't want to lose myself in my own sorrow. I just wish for once I could feel great about myself, and look in the mirror and see a beautiful person, instead of someone I resent so much. I don't know how to not hate myself.

sweetasugar102 sweetasugar102
22-25, F
2 Responses Mar 5, 2010

yeah, I feel that. Trying not to care what other wants is hard. Trying to please them is also hard.

Being imperfect doesn't make you a bad person Hun, it makes you human.<br />
And understanding that you have faults is the 1st step to improving yourself. Everything can be fixed, if you don't like something about yourself, you have the power to change that. <br />
Focus on YOURSELF, your not a bad person, from the sounds of it your are FAR from that