Me and I

the me people see is not the me inside. most poeple look at me and see this big scary black guy(scary because i don't smile often) and i know this because some of the people whove gotten to know me have told me "when i first met you  i was scared of you both men and women. now understand when i say i don't smile it's not like i walk around scowling or frowning all the time. i mostly have a neutral expression on my face or no expression if you will. people think i'm all serious(which i am when i need to be) with no scense of humor.but that's not me well not the inside me, i love to laugh and make people laugh i love to have a good time . i love being silly  but most people never know and the few who have ,have told me how i'm nothing like what they though when they first meet me.  don't get me wrong i've learned that i can't be all of me with most people(i once told my best friend at the time what i was thinking with out putting it through the filters and he looked at me like i had two heads.every now and again i might let something slip just because and the fist thing they ask is "are you alright " or "what did you take"the bottom line is thier's the me that loves to have fun and laugh and sometimes do weird things then thier's the me most people see who scares some people and worries others(i'm telling you i think it's because of the neutral ok blank expression on my face , it's not like i'm doing it on purpose it just is and no i can't keep a fake smile on my face that  just makes me look pyscotic)
sted sted
31-35, M
2 Responses Jun 26, 2007

Hmm.. interesting story. Do you think maybe it's a good idea to be blank to a lot of the world, and show your humor to a few close friends? But not if it bothers you. I suspect, though, you've learned that blank ex<x>pression somewhere. I've heard it's a rough world for young men, especially if they're black. And I think most people, whatever the race/origin, learn to hide part of themselves in a crowd. We're not sure that the whole thing would be appreciated by everyone. ... Sorry if I missed the whole point; just reporting the thoughts that ran through my head.

Sounds like both parts of yourself get along ok, it's just the rest of the world that doesn't quite get it yet! We're a bit slow out here. Is it a problem for you that most people don't get to know the fun-loving aspect of yourself? Perhaps you should study the art (and skill) of cheerfulness. After all, a good laugh grows nicely out of good cheer. No need to grin like a maniac - just find a way to clue people into your style of fun. Clothing hints (your favourite comedian?) or funny hats, perhaps? ;)