To Be Held Is To Live

Affection is something I've hardly experienced as all of those that have given it to me were fake and it was all a ploy to sleep with me but it was wonderful to have someone to kiss you and rub your back and hold you to keep you cuddled and safe. Now that I look back at that affection I can't feel the joy I once did because it was all for show but I believe everyone who is lonely craves for someone to just want to be around them and touch them even if it's only for a little while. Stay in the illusion as long as you can because you know it will end the next day or sooner, just pretend that someone loves you.

When you are finally held you feel like you want to live, you feel like you matter and that you are safe with that person. I am quite lonely so I've done things I regret just to feel that need for affection and companionship just to trick myself into believing someone touching me really meant it though I'm not doing that so much anymore as I can never make the illusion come alive again, but for the time being when I did throw myself into situations where I was given fake love and attention it made me really want to live again and have hope that maybe I won't be alone anymore. Alas an illusion is all it is, a fake representation of something you crave for and thus I stay lonely with only my memories of the feelings and the caressing to pain me in this existence. It's a double edged sword to try and satisfy your need for affection when in the end it never works out in your favor.
LilletBlan LilletBlan
18-21, F
May 9, 2012