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Lonely Stay At Home Mom

I know my husband loves me. I just think he doesn't know how to show it. I grew up with an unaffectionate mother and always have been an affectionate and very demonstrative person. But my husband and I seem to be mismatched. I would wager that 80% of the time he only touches me when he wants sex. Most of the time I think he's afraid that if he does touch me I will want sex and he isn't interested or is too tired. I know he has a low sex drive and always has but my needs are mostly emotional and could be easily met by a warm embrace or gentle touch. I have told him this in the past but think that maybe I need to say something again. Shouldn't this come natural to a a person in love? He has no trouble being affectionate and loving to our kids, it's just me. As if I somehow don't need it or something.

msme msme 26-30 3 Responses Sep 2, 2008

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It won't do you good to be thinking that your husband should behave in certain ways. You have to work out how to entice him to do it. Maybe it usually does come naturally to someone in love to show affection, but it doesn't have to be that way.



Most likely he doesn't feel "in love" with you now. "In love" is a state that often doesn't last long and is usually replaced by something more permanent.

this is almost a mirror image of my life being married to my wife who just left 3 weeks ago. i tried to get her to understand that a hug or handholding would really go a long way, but she refused to believe that i was not thinking of sex. she would pour lavish amounts of meaningless affection over the birds we keep as pets, but when it came time for me, there was zero to give. come to find out, she had "fallen out of love with me". i am still trying to rebuild myself after the devistation of her leaving. it seems now for the best. i am a hopeless romantic and she was not ...

Men are sometimes a bit slow in this regard. Assuming that you have a normal life, do not be afraid to flirt a bit to make him jealous. Does two things, it gets you some attention from him and in the meantime you get some of the emotional needs met with people who will pay attention to you and give you the connection that you need.