My Husband Was My Life

I too feel lost without my husband.It's only been three wks.He was only 39yrs. old.We were married for 12 wonderful years.He was my one true love and soulmate.I feel as if I can not breath.I can't eat or sleep.I don't know how to go on without him.I do believe in god and in heaven.I just can't believe he would take my baby.I'm angry and sad all the time.I'm so lonely and scared.I don't think i have ever felt this alone.He was my lover and my best friend.I think of him every second of every day.My friend's and family don't come by or call,because they don't know what to say or how I'm feeling.Please someone help me.

lisamoody lisamoody
41-45, F
7 Responses Apr 15, 2009

Mikidragon..I hope you will be my friend..I need a friend that is going through this too..My husband passed away sept.24 2012..I some days feel like I'm going to lose my mind..My heart feels like it is breaking in two..They keep telling me it gets easier..I know it has only been 5 weeks but I honestly don't know for h long I can go on feeling like this..My husband was having pain in his rotator cuff, he was a long distance truck driver and we we figured the constant moving of his arms caused the problem..He finally had to go to an orthopedic..He ordeerd an mri and when we went back to get the results and what we thought was an appointment for surgery..The dr. walked in the rooom and broke the news to us that my husband had cancer..It was like he punched us in the stomach.He had lung cancer in both lungs that mestasized in his shoulder...He ended up being put in the hospital by our family dr. that day at our sons request because my husband couldn't sleep and when he did it was in a neighbors chair in her backyard..It was the only place he could be comfortable..We was told he would have a couple of months without treatment and with a little longer..So he had radiation and one chemo treatment..But from august 6th when he was diagnosed to sept.24th when he passed he was home approximately 10 days..He was in and out of the hospital 3 times in that short time..The day he passed was unbelievable..We have 10 kids between us and all but 3 was there at the hospital..One was at work,one lives in alabama and the other one had my mom at her chemo treatment..We had all stayed at the hospital the night before because we could tell things were changing and our one son is a firefighter/paramedic, they all asked me the day before if I told him it was okay to go and I said no I can't say that..They said you have to he is staying here for a reason so they left the room so we could talk..I still couldn't tell him..He was telling me more of what he wanted me to do after he passed..So anyhow monday morning his breathing and cough was worse so I had them give him a breathing treatment because it usually helped him..He kept tabs in the time for his morphine not because of pain so much but his cough.Even that morning he was doing it..We had to keep the head of his bed up pretty high because of his breathing, but every now and again that morning he would lean up a little and very low say help me..Our son had written a song for his dad when he got sick about going to heaven adn make a home for his wife and 10 kids and we would be joining him..(IT IS BEAUTIFUL) So he had it on his phone and he played it and my husband seemed to relax and they song ended and he started getting restless again and someone told my son to play another song..My husband was always in a band and one song he sang all the time and I loved was "don't close your eyes" My son played that and our son who is the firefighter said I can't watch this..and I just put my head down closed my eyes and cried through the whole song..When it ended I looked up and our son was standing there and he just nodded his head to let me know he passed..While it was so awful in a way it was beautiful..As beautiful as something like death can be..Strange thing all I could remember was that I was crying I couldn't remember nothing else going on..I was talking to another son and I said I can't even remember if I was touching him..He said mom you was holding his hand you was holding his hand with both your hands, and I was sitting right across from you holding his other hand..He said mom dad even moved his head over so he could be closer to you..AND when he told me that I remembered him doing that..But we did have the chance to renew our vows,we was married 34 years on sept.9th..He also wanted and opportunity to talk one on one with each of our 10 kids and he got to do that..Ok I'll stop writing now..I just always feel the need to tell our story..My heart is hurting so bad and I miss him so much!!!I I can totally relate to you and your feelings..I'm sorry this is so long..Lisa and everyone here I hope your pain is easing and you have more good days than bad..I haven't reached that point yet..But mine is so fresh yet..God Bless you all!!

I can only tell you how I feel. My husband of 34 years died on July 8, 12. I was talking to him and he got up to go to the bathroom. Next thing he was on the floor. I heard a loud thud. He was gone. He had a massive heart attack. We had no warning, he wasn't sick he was only 58. I know what you mean about friends and family pulling away. I look for other widows they understand. I cry every day. I ask why every day. I keep reminding myself to breath. I put one foot in front the other. I ask my husband to help me. I had to move out of my home the second week he was gone. I moved in with my 90 year old mom. Into a trailer. I put most stuff in storage. I scream when ever I'm in the car. I sing with the radio. I try to do something just for me every day. Let myself grieve, give myself permission to grieve. I'm sorry for your loss. I know everyone says that but a widow really knows what your going through. I would like to be your friend and help you through this. I know I need help getting through myself.

Dear Lisa,<br />
I empathize with you and your feelings right now. I have lost two husbands. I was married for 18 years to the first one and only 5 1/2 years to the second husband. The first marriage was not the best, but the second marriage was wonderful. We met on the internet through a church group and he was the most wonderful man and the most wonderful husband to me. He died of lung cancer in December of 2010. At first I was so busy with all the business end of things I thought I was doing quite well, but actually my grief after 6 months is harder now than it was in the beginning. No one calls, no one visits. Part of that is my own fault because I have stuck myself away in my house and sometimes do not want to be with anyone. I know I am in denial right now and I am also very angry with God. I know it is not His fault but I have to be angry with someone. He forgives us for our anger as He knows the pain we feel. I guess I am in the deepest part of mourning now, as I cry all the time and have no passion for anything. I don't feel like doing anything. I tend to sleep as late as I can in the mornings to avoid the pain, and watch t.v. the rest of the day. If I get the dishes done and the dog and cats fed I feel I am doing good. I have a daughter that is just about to get married to a wonderful man and I hate to admit it but I am so envious. I feel she should spend some time with me but doesn't, as she wants to be with her fiance only most of the time. I feel bitter about that. Lisa, you are going to go through many emotions over the next year.<br />
Each person grieves differently and at different stages and different levels of each stage. I know your pain sweetheart. My only advice to you is to reach out to others when you are feeling so sad.<br />
Each day will be better, I keep telling myself that. We are different in the way that I am nearing 65 years old and you are very young yet. You have many good years ahead of you and I feel you will be able one day to accept someone else into your life and you will love again. Let yourself experience the pain as this is the only way you, I, and others are going to get through this mourning period in our lives. Know also that the pain is a reminder of the great love we had, the worse the pain, the greater the love was. I wish there was more that I could say, keep writing to others as that is such a big help also. It is for me I know.<br />
God Bless you,<br />

I'm not going to play the 'god' card, b/c I'm a realist but I can completely empathize with your post. I lost my husband to a sudden heart attack 9 months ago. EVERY day I cry; EVERY day I sing to him in my car; EVERY day i wonder why I even got up out of bed .... the pain doesn't stop you just have moments where you are and aren't numb, that's the only difference. <br />
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My husband and I were newlyweds; only married for 9 mo and 5 days. We were not each other's first marriage which made our love so special b/c we had experienced the wrong people in our life and were so amazed when we found each other. When we met, we instantly knew we had found our split-apart. It was amazing b/c I didn't know THAT kind of love existed. We were robbed; I was robbed. I was finally happy at such a late stage of my life, and now it's over. <br />
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so, dear stranger, I have no words of wisdom. I have no answers. I just understand how you feel. It doesn't matter our age, race, beliefs we both felt the same about our husbands and now they're gone. That makes us sisters.

Lisa,<br />
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I cannot begin to tell you how sad I am for you or sorry that this happened and my heart goes out to you. I joined this site because I was struggling with my marriage. When I saw your story I was so touched because God gave you a great gift to have the 12 years as some of us never even get to live this. I do not know why God called your husband to heaven but I do believe that he will look in on you. Please celibrate his life, and the time you spent together. Try to be strong when posible, and I will pray for your pain to heal.

My heart goes out to you. There is nothing anyone can say or do to make the pain stop. But we can listen. You might try talking to friends, or a counselor. It seems like everyone is there for you in the beginning, but as the weeks go on, not as many people remain. A lot of family members are also grieving also. But they are all grieving in different ways because they knew your husband as a son, a father, a friend, and so on and so forth. It's difficult for them to understand your pain. Like honkingbird said...time is what makes it easier. But keep your faith in God because He will keep you strong and see you through this. God Bless You and your family.

There is no easy way around it. The first few months are brutal. This is when you need to circle the wagons, wail, you are in deep mourning.<br />
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I've been at it awhile, but I remember it. I tell new widows, time is not your friend right now, but it will be. Time. I hated that.