I Sure Do.When I get home from work I go straight to my room. There is never anyone here but me. My mum doesn't get home until late but by then I'm usually in bed. I just don't know what to do with my time. I can't focus my thoughts on doing anything in particular so I mince around doing nothing. I sit down, I stare some of the time away, I pace around attempting to tidy up things but never quite manage it. I am lost in my life and I think I can actually feel the time ticking away. I hate the way I am, I hate that I can't connect with people in RL and I hate that I don't want to try most of the time. The thing that troubles me the most is that I have the shortest attention span imaginable. I can't throw myself into any one particular thing, I get bored too easily. I try to draw, I try to play my guitar, I try to write poetry, but I can't do it, any of it, I can't concentrate for long enough. I try to sleep to pass some of the time but I don't sleep well. But why pass the time? Where is time taking me? I'm on a journey to nowhere. Everything I hope for in life never seems to get here and I can't make any of it happen.
EP used to ease my frustrations but lately I feel that I am lost here too. I used to get to talk to this one person everyday but now I don't, and haven't done for weeks / months. I am in a different time zone to alot of my friends here and when I get home from work no one ever seems to be online until late into the evening. Even then I struggle with starting conversations, I don't know what to say and I don't want to seem as if I am bugging anyone.
It has been a bad day today and I realise I just sound crazy, so I guess now I'll just go and kill a bit more time.
ASortaFairytale 26-30, F 2 Responses 0 Dec 9, 2007