Confused About Deaths, Relationships, College, Etc.

I'm just 21 years old, but I have dealt with a lot of death in my life. My boyfriend has also dealt with A LOT of death. I have lost: my ex boyfriend/best friend, dad, papaw, and 2 cousins. My boyfriend has lost: his dad, sister, and all 4 grandparents. All of these people have died just since 2004 and most all of them were what anyone would consider tragedies.

My boyfriend and I have been together since 2006. We have been doing really good despite the fact that we have been both been dealing with so much grief in so little time. As of right now, we are both trying to motivate ourselves to get in college. I went to a technical college for a semester, took three classes, then took a summer course. I really liked it! I stopped for a while to try to get up a good work ethic and make some money. Having something to get out of the house for everyday has been the best thing I could have done. Now, it's time to go back to school. I WANT to go back. I am really scared of going to a larger school, it's not that big, but big enough to freak me out lol.

I have turned myself from a majorly depressed person to an averagely happy person. So, you'd think that I would be ready to take on anything.
I just feel that everything is spinning out of control. My mom has a heart condition that has only gotten worse since my dad's death. My sister is recovering from a ten year drug addiction. She is only 24. She has two young kids that I worry about constantly. I am trying to make her do things for herself so she can learn how the world really works. I feel responsible for her and the kids most of the time. But that is a whole other story in itself. My relationship is confusing the hell out of me right now. He hardly ever comes over to my house because of my crazy living situation with my sister and her kids. They are moving soon I"m hoping that will get better.

The thing that bothers me the most about him not coming over as much is that my mom is a great person. She is everything to me. They barely know each other and we have been together for FOUR years now. And why is this? For what reason? What the hell is his problem!? I guess the only way to know the answer...is to ask. But I have asked and never gotten a straight answer. He talks like it's because of my sister. Which I can't say I really blame him. She usually talks to him about how petty things in her life are my fault (when they're not) and nobody wants to hear that about somebody they love.

I think I just really just needed to ramble about this. Put it out there somewhere and get it off my chest. If anyone has any suggestions/advice/stories of your own. Please feel free to share. I would love some input, or maybe just to know that I'm really not the only one who is going crazy.
KeepTheMemoriesClose KeepTheMemoriesClose
22-25, F
1 Response Jul 14, 2010

You have helped a lot actually, thank you! I had a heart to heart with his mom today. She thinks we need to communicate better. She couldn't be more right. We have been leaning on each other our entire relationship. We never go out and do anything fun. We are simply just getting by. So...This weekend I have planned a night of fishing. A nice quiet place to talk. I'm going to pack a cooler with some food and drinks and we can stay out there as long as we need. I think a night of talking might just do us some good. We are professionals at blocking out hurtful things, but it's starting to catch up with us. It sounds a little weird, but....I think we need to get to know each other all over again. I guess it's not so weird considering all the things that have happened. I think you are right about not being able to grieve properly...I know I haven't. Maybe that's something him and I can do together in a positive way. Thank you for replying to my craziness...I don't think anybody else could handle it or something. Take Care. Feel free to vent, unload, whatever anytime!