I Feel Purposeless.

I have long periods of time when i dont have anything to do, and instead of relaxing, as i seem to have lost that ability, i just sit and ask what i should do. This isnt the off-hand "what shall i do to occupy my time" this is the deeper what shall i do, how shall i proceed with my life, it is a given that i keep breathing, but should i get up and eat something? do i try to read a book? or do i just sit here?

I feel no motivation to do anything, except i know i should do SOMETHING. i feel like i have lost my purpose, if i ever had one. It is not a good feeling to have no purpose. I have hundreds of films, i have solid weeks worth of television, i have many books, Xbox games, Playstation games, i have computer games, online communities like EP that i contribute to, although none of them work as a distraction, i dont get bored, so much as grow impatient, Im wasting time, i should be doing something. I feel empty and pointless and helpless, and all i want to do is find a purpose, to stop feeling so pointless.

I cant stand feeling so alone. Isolated from everything around me, everything has a purpose, everything has a point to being here, something to do, and everyone finds some cause or motivation that gives their time and their actions some importance. But i am here without purpose, without motivation, without anything to do or want or think. Im going crazy with the emptiness of it all, and all i want is this to end, but i cant see any end.

My only respite at this point is when my mind starts to move involuntarily towards thoughts of suicide, where finally i can at least find purpose in trying to keep my mind away from such thoughts.

I have been taking anti-depressants now for 11 days, i can see every damn pill in my head, and they, so far, have done nothing at all. I was told they would take at least a month to START working, but then what do i do for a month? To make it worse, i cant even sleep the time away, if i try my very best, i can sleep at most 6 hours a night, between 3am and 10am, waking up every few hours (usually at 6 and 8) some nights though i cant even get more than 3 hours. So thats 18-21 hours awake every day, no motivation to speak, or move or eat except the ever present thought that i should be doing something, ANYTHING, and even if i do find something to occupy me, the moment it finished, the feeling is as present and strong as if i had done nothing at all.
djpanda djpanda
18-21, M
13 Responses Apr 11, 2011

I've faced the same problem since January. What I did to give myself escape is to ask myself this, if I was to have every skill and object I wanted, what would I do then? I found my answer.

Hi i found this board actually looking for answers to similar questions. I feel a sense of purposelessness and it has not really resolved for many years. I have come to believe that the origin of the problem is spiritual in nature. Everybody has diferent sources for the answers of spiritual questions. I have found a lot in going to satsang meditation and groups. It lights that fire for live and the love for other people. Another thing i found am amazing spiritual experience was to go to a ayahuasca ceremony. It seems to be a way to heal / answer exactly that question : what the xxx am i doing here. If you dont know what this is you can google temple of the way of light or ayahuasca. Another thing i wanted to point out is: reading your post makes me think that you are at a point where some medical or psychologist help would benefit you for the time being. But ultimately i believe these kinds of problems to be spiritually rooted and best solved there. There are many many things that the world society culture religion teaches us that are wrong. It is a life long process to find what is wrong and let it go. I guess when you feel the tug and get excited about something is when it is time to analyze and see if you are ready to let go of an old belief.
Here is an example: belief if i think about such and such. Person in a sexual way i am going to hell.
Maybe that is not true... I am just trying to show an example of how we have subtle things like this that hold us back. Maybe i am writing to you to clarify my own thoughts sometime teaching is the best way to learn. Anyways there are a lot of great things to explore in this life and you cant always make everybody happy. A lot of times people want to bombard you with their beliefs to hold you back because they dont have what they want and think no one should. Anyways i hope this finds you well and you or someone else gets something out of my post. Blessings. N

Thank you for posting this... I thought I'm the only one feeling this way right now. I was unable to express this feeling to anyone fully but what you wrote totally hits the nail. At least I can show this to someone so they can somewhat understand my situation better.

Life is not meaningless. We were created by God. He put us here so that we could have a relationship with him. God is love. We were meant to love him and love others the way he loves us. He loves you so much. We were meant to live eternally in heaven with him once we pass away. There is no such thing as a purposeless life because we are his children. He even died on a cross thousands of years ago to save us from our sins. There is also a place called hell that I should tell you about. Satan is Gods enemy and he will try to destroy and ruin peoples lives by lying to them by putting ideas into their heads by saying things like your not important, or you are worthless to make you believe those things. Satan just wants you to take your life so that your life with Jesus in heaven for eternal joy and happiness would be taken away. Satans mission on this earth is to steal, kill and destroy as many people as possible. God created you and loves you so much he does not want that to happen to you. You are worth so much more. So I want to show you that there is so much love and joy and happiness to be had. I don't know you personally but I wanted you to know that you do have purpose. We were created to love one another and in the end have eternal life. Don't believe those quiet negative wispers Satan is telling you. He just wants to steal your soal. I would encourage you to read the bible to get more of an understanding. That would be a good use of your time. You could pick up a bible at a local Christian book store or your local church. God loves you, so hang in there. We are all living this life together and its how we conduct ourselves, treating one another how we would want to be treated. A good book in the bible to read is proverbs. I hope I have put some hope into your heart. You need it.

Yeah, I feel the same way. I realize you wrote this five months ago, but I understand. Doing things to fill time no longer feels satisfying, just feels like you're wasting your time doing something meaningless. I want to do something meaningful but I have no idea what that should be so I just try to do anything to fill in the time but nothing is ever meaningful. It sucks.

my suggestion is that you need to do something properly social, like an evening class or something where you can meet people. if none of the things that you have are doing anything for you, then it means that youre wanting something other than them. jusdging by what youve said, i'd say give human contact a try

First of all, be happy you at least realize you don't have a purpose. Millions of people go about their lives leading perfectly ordinary, meaningless lives and they don't know it because they are too busy distracting themselves or ignoring their problems. Number two, know that you're not alone. It's not abnormal to feel like you don't have a purpose; that is a sign that you are thinking, and that's a good thing. We aren't just bodies, mechanically fine-tuned to exist for something else, but we are human beings with intelligence and will, we exist as an end in itself. It is easy to skirt the issue by considering pills, or even suicide, but these things don't really solve the issue. The issue is human freedom. You're perplexed that the things you do don't satisfy the deepest need of all, I'll get to that in a bit. Perhaps there are things you want to do in life, but don't feel like you can. There are "self-help" books available, although I've never grasped that concept. My argument of course is that only in God can you, or any human being for that matter, find the answer to his/her deepest need, the need for fulfillment, to be happy, to be loved, and you are loved, individually by God not just generally, as proclaimed in the gospel, which is about Jesus Christ. I don't know you, but there are people who care, because your thoughts do take a morbid turn, but I relate to you because I seek fulfillment in empty things as well. Maybe my job isn't perfect. Maybe my life isn't perfect. It's not like those people who seem to have everything figured out. But I try to take it a day at a time, enjoy the small things, appreciate the deep things, try to grow any way I can. Is my answer a one-size fits all? No, but it is true for my life, and the truth is that it is true for everyone, isn't God both invisible and always revealing himself? Because he loves us and has a purpose for us? He wouldn't have made us otherwise. The answer to meaning is there if you look for it, and the big hint is that it is not outside or inside, not in having a perfect life, or knowing everything, but it is both made by you and yet it is not made by you. So have a little patience with yourself, and take care.

What is truly terrifying here, is that here we are - a group of people with the same problem - and there are millions and perhaps even billions of other human beings with the same problem , yet no one has any sort of answer (aside from the obvious PILL tycon who are greedily rubbing their hands together at the success of their very profitable and useless inventions).<br />
Dragonsteel, I feel your pain. Your lover should be your best friend right? Yet she is not there beside you to embrace the things you love.<br />
I have been with my boyfriend for almost 4 years now. He says I am his best friend. The love of his life. Yet I feel friendless. For the longest, I didn't care. All of my friends and family are over 1,000 miles away (I'm in CA, they're in TN, GA, KS, etc), so I understood the absence for the longest.<br />
But now I'm wondering if I'd trade it all just to have things go back to the way they were when I was 18, living in the dangerous ghetto in downtown Chattanooga, TN, modeling for rent money, and partying the food money away, spending it on clothes for more photo shoots and sharing resources with useless (albeit entertaining) fair-weather friends. Then being fed emergency food from true friends once I realized my financial mistakes, and growing all-the-more closer to them (the true friends) because of it.<br />
There are days when I would trade everyone I know now, just to remember who I was back then... But I try not to think about it. Besides, what can I possibly do? People (the majority) are fake, flakes, posers, and VERY judgmental. I'd love to go out and try to experience the world again, but I feel so much like there is no place for me in this world... I guess that's why I behave like such a gypsy/nomad/hermit. (lol)

I relate to both you guys. I tried one antidepressant after holding out for a month (NOT ME! PILLS??) but it gave me a scare and I stuck the bottle back in the drawer. I buy chewable GABA and it really does a little sweet thing to the worst extremes of my anxiety-depression. But it's not the answer to anything......just emergency relief.<br />
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I am sad for dragonsteel because you have that stuff surrounding you that we all felt we needed - and it fails to make you feel connected. I'm sitting here typing this with an mp3 of waves playing in my headphones because silence will scare me and I'll sink lower . . . it is horrible to feel alone.

You and I, we share this issue as one. Most days I feel I have everything, but truly I have nothing. I have a full blown multifunction shop with every type of machine, I have a nice piano, I got a powerfull computer, I have a wife, I own a home, I make great money. All of that crap, it seems to add up to nothing, none of it feels the void in my heart. <br />
Truly I would almost trade all of it for one unbiased, non-judgemental, very real open friend. What are all the toys if you share them with no-one.?<br />
If a create something, who gets to see it? If a play a score who gets to sit and listen? If a laugh or get mad at a game, who gets to laugh at/with me for it? For that matter, who do I get to do all those things to?<br />
I have a few great friends, two are into their family life now and one is far away (I still very much enjoy talking to this one). My wife is owned by the TV, so not much happens there, always seems to cut into some show.<br />
My knowleged is massive, but I feel like I know nothing at the same time. I know what I should do, I should go back to school, but why? <br />
I told my wife today that I feel stuck in a catch 22, I want to get out of the house very badly but at the same time I don't want to leave it. I don't want to do nothing but I don't want to do anything, hard to figure out what to do with that. <br />
I think with one great friend it would make all the difference, but I mean a friend that is physically here and now. <br />
I very much enjoy my distant friend I have, I would never want to destroy our online relationship. I just wish I could find the same thing in the form of a person who's eyes I can stare in and talk directly to using my mouth VS my fingers.

p.s. this has been going on for much longer than just a year as well, so it has taken me a long time to try pills.

I resisted pills for a whole year, i decided to take them because so far nothing else has made the slightest bit of difference, and eliminating an option without trying it is foolish. If the pills dont work, i will move onto the NEXT idea... once i think of one.<br />
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Pills were not my first choice, believe me.

Why do you guys always start taking pills when there is a problem.<br />
You didn't mention a single thing about your real life so I really can't give you any advice.<br />
But there is always a purpose.<br />
You just have to find it for yourself -not letting anyone else to decide what you love.