Where Do I Begin

I had a job. A great one. Title Examiner. Lost my Job a year ago. Bought a house. Loosing that too. Finances. filling for Bankruptcy. My life that I once had is gone. Good credit gone. Nice house...gone. I have an awesome 4 yr old son and a great husband. I have a bi polar mom and a schizphrenic father who I have seen 4 times in my life. ( i am 27) I have turned to drinking to make me feel numb. I have gained weight and feel like a total loser. I know god wont give me more than I can handle but I feel so alone. My husband tries to understand but cant. I am a stay at home mom now in which I am grateful but I feel like I am not conributing to the world..it is weird. My mom is in the hospital for her fifth time this year. She is making me feel like it is my fault that she is the way she is. She married an Indian man when I was 6 and tried to move us there ( ever seen not with out my daughter?) yes that could of been me. He was abusive and just married her for her green card and left her and she never came out of her mental illness. I just feel so alone and I want to be something more and I am trying to hard to be happy and think everything will be ok. I know it might be but I just dont know. I feel as the world is swallowing me in it and I cant do anything to escape.

kayaonelove kayaonelove
26-30, F
Feb 10, 2009