Am I Dead Or Just Outta Of Date?

 What if you forgotten whom you are?

      PTSD part 2 stayin' safe...

     Growing up I've always try to be something, someone, with some type of morals

     or aspirations towards being what's considered a good ,wholesome and caring type of person.

     Seems along the way, I always got beatin'down by people, groups of some sort or another with

     interjections that question my views, philosophy or life choices or character.

     Schooling, Church, peers, friends, family and employment seem to extracting all there wants, while not returning any of my needs.

     Teachers were callous during the early 60's and later became caught up with civil unrest and integration which lead to Discouraging behavior in the schools.


     Students continually, were lashing out to prove themselves as Alpha dogs and forming social circles and clicks

     Growing up during the 60's and 70's, Churches were infested with pedophiles and those who used these sanctuaries as social places of interactions to advance their own wants.


     The Country, Moral And Political groups promoted Patriotic goals and aspirations to squelch Communist aggressions, as they do now   

  towards extremest, but purposely defrauded those of us whom believed in these Ideals.During/ in times of need.

     when Time came to collect for services offered, they left some of us in the lurch.


     so you move on, Forgive and forget.


     Get a me'dio'cre job, marry, have kids and the become a supporter.

     you attempt to shield, "those whom you love", from the same dissolution's or similarity to those  you've   carried deep inside most of your waking     

     life as your family evolves.


     You become injured and now have to defend against personal attacks of character from insurers

     endure the pain of acknowledgments of self limitations due to these acting forces which are compounded by Past events.

          spiraling down and you finally surrender, wondering why has my enemies became so empowered and just who am I

      Hmmmm... Now you hide and seek Solis inside yourself for shelter ,wondering if the trips really worth the pain the trouble.

      you like whom you've been, endure all the pain, humiliation of the trip, hopefully attached good morals to your soul.


      Now you keep them shielded  and sheltered in fear of losing what little you've retained.

      What to do if you forgotten whom you are.... Stay safe


example Question Pondered is Chilvary dead by non respondent?

HMmmmm... I'll toss ya a bunch of carrots, hopefully they'll brighten your day! Peter O'Toole, Sophia Loren and James Coco what a tear jerker for us bleading hearts.... Love it! As for your post....

 HMmmmm... Much time has past, since I read the many works and attempt to enblazoned such a crest upon my soul.

 At first it shone bright and Loving, always repolished by renewed tails,dreams and preceived works of those I've seen toiled, battled,and fallen before me.

 As I journeyed across the field of life and beheld additional travails, unnoticed, it wained, becoming fainter and more tarnished as those whom objected to its Adolesecent high lofty goals of esteem, towards interaction and equality.

 So Like our Friend in the story , one who rises and falls with compassion, strenght and hope . He whom returns to polish and seeking true understanding in Hope, finds himself questioning sanity , reality and whether or not the events become a story of Faith and valor or just the injustice of the times .

I rise up and hope ,but only fall again, to the weekness that control my being. God I love the Hope of it all

Finishing thought to non responder reguarding lack of action, Not posted, reserved to myself but presented to you today by myself...

So it has been ask and  wondered If theses Banners and Standards still wave in the face of todays Societal citizenry, yet most seem to use them to their own pratice.

There are those of us who truly bleed at the ignoble use of these personal interjections.

 I can inaqivocally claim they're not dead, but those that liken yourselves, seem to make them even more a romote possibility to be manifested...I bow and ask your forgiveness to this rashness



This is a repost of a old story / one of my first stories that I wanted to be retained under my  group.. Funny thing I noticed reguarding My former Avatar as being deleted, which I did, My group's founder name changed .. was me.. the age of the writer change also, by 30 years? I wonder why they do this, so I copy reposted back to me!!! the who wrote it... Shame shame on whom ever changing this facts..

Randysdot Randysdot
51-55, M
2 Responses Mar 12, 2010

You articulate so well, this is incredibly moving. <br />
<br />

I love your story. Remember that every day you live, you are able to look in the mirror knowing you have been true to yourself. <br />
Your integrity remains intact. Although life itself and those with selfish hearts & souls tend to weaken your spirit over time, you still have remained true to yourself and provided a great example for younger people to follow. Without people as yourself, this country, this continent and this world would be a sadder place to live. <br />
Without people as yourself, others would not have a blazed path before them and the opportunities that follow. It is always most difficult for those who have cleared the path for others. You have my respect and admiration dear friend. <br />