Where's My Damn Walker!?

 I'm 21.  I have lived more life than some people see in a lifetime or two for that matter.  I grew up in a terribly abusive home.  I have seen the darkest parts of people... of those who are supposed to be put on a pedestal, of those who are to uphold the law.  I have lived on the street, I have traveled the country by hitch-hiking. I have lived in the temperate rain forest. I have met people people wouldn't dream of meeting.  I have lived multiple lives at once. I have been poor as dirt and rich as thieves and back again.  I have lived in your worst neighborhoods.  I have seen things you wish you would have never seen in your life. I have lived your worst nightmares, and your wildest fantasies.  

I am tired.  I can't date men my own age because they can never understand where I am coming from.  I try to be friends with girls my own age but I really don't care there is a sale at the mall.  I have felt older my whole life... like a soul who has been here for a very long time. sometimes its a beautiful gift and sometimes it is a annoyance.

sacredvision sacredvision
18-21, F
4 Responses Feb 9, 2009

I know exactly how you feel. I'm 20 and it seems like everyone around is so obsessed with such trivial things.. it's hard to get involved. If you ever need someone your age who understands and has been through.. most of the experiences on your list, feel free to talk to me. I hope you find someone you can connect with. :)

I'll be your stalker. Ooops, I see you were looking for a walker. My bad!<br />
On a more serious note, I enjoy reading your stories - keep writing.

tzigani I like that "pay it forward" I spent time in the foster care system and group homes for a while and now I try to go talk to kids at least once every couple months. I remember how ****** and hopeless I felt all the time and when I saw someone get out I wondered how. I've been privileged to meet some amazing people by doing this :) they are so talented. you seem like you have a good head on your shoulders ;) <br />
<br />
blue-<br />
I went to therapy for a long time ;) my therapist and I are good friends now :) she is the one who said I should talk to kids and go me into talking at seminars. :)

I'm sorry you feel this way. I however, understand completely.....kinda the "been there, done that"-- sorta thing. Going through so many experiences in life in such a short period of time can indeed make us "feel" older. We are not. We're just more life experienced, but most of all, the lesson learned from "it all" is what really counts; how we can use it to our POSITIVE abilities, pay things forward, and also, NOT become jaded by it all. It's a good thing, regardless how painful some of those experiences may have been. It makes you who you are, and hopefully a wise soul as well. :)