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Desperate For Any Sort Of Relief...

hello, i am 23 years old. for the past month i have been feeling..well..nothing. i thought maybe it was dp but im not sure. im not sure of anything anymore. i dont know how to feel again. i try to talk to my friends and family about it but they dont understand. of course i know what i want to feel but i cant seem to get myself to feel that way. im like a walking zombie, emotionless. sometimes ill try and force myself to cry but nothing comes out no tears. it started out me feeling like i wasnt myself. like i was a stranger in my own body..now it has evolved into this. i can barely socialize or hold a conversation without feeling awkward or scared. my job (which i used to be very good at) is suffering greatly. i cant handle anything. doing simple things like getting up and getting dressed feel like a chore. i can barely express myself and its misery. pure misery. i used to be a happy social bubbly person, who yes, experienced depression,but i was self medicating myself with a positive attitude and not letting it get the best of me. i never thought id say this but i would rather be depressed then feel like this. or not feel i should say..i remember when the depression would get bad i almost didnt want to live. id never hurt myself but i thought about it..now i would give ANYTHING to feel alive. i know if i could feel again,i would never take anything or anyone for granted ever again. i dont see hope though. each day this seems to get worse. i cant live like this but i dont want to die. what do i do? is there medication that can fix this? im willing to try anything :( this is ruining my life day by day and it needs to stop. i need to be me again..sorry i realize this makes no sense but as i said before i cant express myself at all,let alone talk. any and all advice is appreciated.
xstoryofxagirlx xstoryofxagirlx 22-25 6 Responses Dec 17, 2010

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I wish u could feel this hug! <3

I'm 23 as well and can relate. The last thing I would try is medication. Poison. Meditation and self discovery. Expression. FuckIdk that's just what they say

I know exactly how you feel...I'm only fourteen, and for the past few months I have hardly felt anything. Now its causing me to lose all my friends and my rades are slipping and my life isn;t going so well. I wish you luck..

You're very welcome. I can't possibly understand that feeling though I should going through stages I have gone through too. I can't put a lable on how you feel, but sounds like your very down. You try to revisit what use to make you feel and can't. If even one could understand what your going through, would it be possible for you to feel? If so, would you feel yourself? <br />
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It may feel as if there's no point in going on there's nothing to offer as you stated, but there is a point. We find ourselves what makes us happy. I use to search for answers on what would help me feel alive again, especially in feeling happiness. I couldn't find it in reminding myself why I'm unhappy, but being alone aloud me to understand why I was feeling this way, what I need to do to change it. I'd go on long runs, or walks it helped in freeing my mind of sadness, sorrow, the feeling of feeling alone. From there I could see that life didn't have to be this way. <br />
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The feeling like you don't have anything to offer anyone, a lot of us feel this way. At a point in your life you will offer so much to people. It's a matter of whether you can allow change, try finding something to free how you've been feeling. We're allowed to open our hearts and feel happy again. You might not be able to feel, express, talk to people, yet there's a beginning to everything it'll take steps to get there. <br />
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There is hope, feel the need to write me if you ever need someone to talk to, I'll be here. Try to keep pushing forward, I believe you can. <br />
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Xenasdreams

thank you, i really appreciate your words. i keep trying to revisit what used to make me feel good. its getting worse every day. its to the point where i really dont feel anything. im afraid im never going to be able to feel again. what if im permantely numb? how do i train myself to pretend to feel? i know how i "feel" i just dont know how to express it anymore. every conversation feels awkward. i almost miss the way it was in the begining because atleast i felt a little bit. now im slowly getting to the point where i feel absolutely no emotions. words dont come out right. its like someone took part of my brain away. idk what to do. i dont want this to ruin my life. i keep thinking its the worst it could possibly be but then i wake up and i feel less. i cant even tell if im hungry. ive lost 3 pounds in the last month,and i dont have an eating disorder. i dont feel tired anymore, i have to force myself to eat and sleep. i miss feeling joy,hell i even miss feeling sorrow. im just tired of being confused. what if there is no cure for this? i cant make sense for the life of me. i dont want to die,but i feel useless. i feel like i have nothing to offer to anyone. whats the point of living if you arent really alive anymore? im seeing a doctor tomorrow,but what if they cant find anything wrong? im "scared"..

i know exactly how u feel as i've had the same problem for 6 years and im no closer to finding a solution. we have a lot in common if u want to chatt ny msn is Natl1985@hotmail.com

Not everyone can express themselves through words, but something happened to you at some point in your life to get you where your at, what your feeling. You don't have to share through this, but there are others who know what your going through. I feel helpless I struggle with being sad and I feel no one understands what I'm going through too. There's a purpose to what your feeling, if your family and friends can't understand it. There's bond to be someone through here who can and if at all atleast relate. Hurting yourself isn't a solution, it'll make those around you suffer. My advice is to talk, you have today, write what your feeling, but don't give up. I'm fairly new here on experience project. I'd like someone to comment if they can relate and give an opnion on my stories. I haven't gotten one yet in due time I'm sure I will.<br />
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If I were in your position I would figure out why it is the way you feel this way. Who around you made you feel this way, what experiences you've been through. Sometimes revisiting your past will help you understand. From there it's your choice to decide how you want to deal with it. I wouldn't recommend giving up though, because there are people in this world who care. They want you to be happy, even the ones who don't understand what your going through. Keep your head up and keep writing, every bit helps.<br />
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Xenasdreams