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Desperate For Any Sort Of Relief...

hello, i am 23 years old. for the past month i have been feeling..well..nothing. i thought maybe it was dp but im not sure. im not sure of anything anymore. i dont know how to feel again. i try to talk to my friends and family about it but they dont understand. of course i know what i want to feel but i cant seem to get myself to feel that way. im like a walking zombie, emotionless. sometimes ill try and force myself to cry but nothing comes out no tears. it started out me feeling like i wasnt myself. like i was a stranger in my own body..now it has evolved into this. i can barely socialize or hold a conversation without feeling awkward or scared. my job (which i used to be very good at) is suffering greatly. i cant handle anything. doing simple things like getting up and getting dressed feel like a chore. i can barely express myself and its misery. pure misery. i used to be a happy social bubbly person, who yes, experienced depression,but i was self medicating myself with a positive attitude and not letting it get the best of me. i never thought id say this but i would rather be depressed then feel like this. or not feel i should say..i remember when the depression would get bad i almost didnt want to live. id never hurt myself but i thought about it..now i would give ANYTHING to feel alive. i know if i could feel again,i would never take anything or anyone for granted ever again. i dont see hope though. each day this seems to get worse. i cant live like this but i dont want to die. what do i do? is there medication that can fix this? im willing to try anything :( this is ruining my life day by day and it needs to stop. i need to be me again..sorry i realize this makes no sense but as i said before i cant express myself at all,let alone talk. any and all advice is appreciated.
xstoryofxagirlx xstoryofxagirlx 22-25 3 Responses Dec 17, 2010

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I'm 23 as well and can relate. The last thing I would try is medication. Poison. Meditation and self discovery. Expression. FuckIdk that's just what they say

I know exactly how you feel...I'm only fourteen, and for the past few months I have hardly felt anything. Now its causing me to lose all my friends and my rades are slipping and my life isn;t going so well. I wish you luck..

thank you, i really appreciate your words. i keep trying to revisit what used to make me feel good. its getting worse every day. its to the point where i really dont feel anything. im afraid im never going to be able to feel again. what if im permantely numb? how do i train myself to pretend to feel? i know how i "feel" i just dont know how to express it anymore. every conversation feels awkward. i almost miss the way it was in the begining because atleast i felt a little bit. now im slowly getting to the point where i feel absolutely no emotions. words dont come out right. its like someone took part of my brain away. idk what to do. i dont want this to ruin my life. i keep thinking its the worst it could possibly be but then i wake up and i feel less. i cant even tell if im hungry. ive lost 3 pounds in the last month,and i dont have an eating disorder. i dont feel tired anymore, i have to force myself to eat and sleep. i miss feeling joy,hell i even miss feeling sorrow. im just tired of being confused. what if there is no cure for this? i cant make sense for the life of me. i dont want to die,but i feel useless. i feel like i have nothing to offer to anyone. whats the point of living if you arent really alive anymore? im seeing a doctor tomorrow,but what if they cant find anything wrong? im "scared"..

i know exactly how u feel as i've had the same problem for 6 years and im no closer to finding a solution. we have a lot in common if u want to chatt ny msn is Natl1985@hotmail.com