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Ostracized

Hi, I feel ostracized by some people in my community since i made a mistake over 2 yrs ago. My life is miserable since and I feel i will never get over it even though i try really hard. I find it difficult to face people but try because otherwise I think I would not be able to survive. Can anyone share their expierence with me and how they got over it. The feelings of shame and guilt are awful. thank you

howsthat howsthat 46-50, F 8 Responses Nov 2, 2009

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My friend once told me before "Those who mind doesn't matter, those who matter doesn't mind"

I also have been ostracized and marginalized by my small town community. I was inappropriate with a woman and she spread it around. <br />
I also have had a volatile temper with some people. I feel that I am basically a good person but at times outspoken and inconsiderate of others. Although I am working hard to change this , I may remain unredeemed in this community. I have become very seclusive and reclusive. I took up playing classical music and avoid people as much as possible as I try to create a life within. Some days are better than others.

I've gone through times where people just seemed to care about my bad sides and never the good sides. I kept myself quiet and alone at all times (tried not to care) which I think made the whole situation worse but I don't think it could've gotten better even if I tried. I think it was all about what they want me to be like and not who I really am. I think there are just times where it's just so hard to get along with certain groups of people. You're not the only one. There are always groups of people who will like you for who you are. You just don't see them around you now. Just don't get too hung up on it because in the end you'll realize that those people just don't care and it's just your life that's been slowly deteriorated and it's just your feelings that have been hurt.

I was banished, then realized that the people that had banished me were a bunch of filthy humans that shed their body hair in my house, leak their body fluids all over my furniture, pee a little bit on the floor everytime they use the bathroom, smell weird, make a huge racket, blow mucus into napkins and place them in a bag in the corner, spit phlem on the driveway and then leave a trail of sweat from my house back to their car. Then a trail of gasoline from where their parked back to thier house. Then they go into someone else house and leave a trail and droppings over there too. Then they go to work and do it there too. That is disgusting.

I know how you feel. It is not pleasant to feel being judged. Although I don't do any mistake like you did, but I came from a different country, where most people in the U.S. do not know where it is. I have accent when I talk (but not bad at all, all the people can understand me clearly), and my skin is not white. Horribly, everywhere I go (either school or church), people seemed to want to be friends whom they think are "alike" with them (clickish culture), or otherwise we're ostracized. At school (it's a university with approximately 40,000 students), I don't have any friend and find it really hard & challenging to find a study group or involved in group project. I am not stupid (my GPA is 3.86), but people just resentful. I am a really nice person, humble and religious, so I'm not acting arrogant among students. Sometimes, I am helping struglling students from failing grades to a "B" grade by giving them tips, but they're never want to be friends. They just never get a chance to know me, because they have judged me for being "not as good, or not the same like them." So, yes, I am always alone, eat by myself and walk everywhere by my self at a university with 40,000 students.<br />
In my neighborhood, I have no one who wants to be my neighbor. Since my husband is white, I went to many different churches, and no one seemed to welcomed me to be their church member. They see me as different & NOT worth being friendly to me, because they think I will never mix with them.<br />
My in laws, they exclude me from their family, because I'm not white. They treat me like an underdog in the family. Even with my high GPA plus my current job as an internal audit intern, they still say that I'm not capable of studying in the U.S. My mother in law even told me to go back to my country just because I eat noodle (that I got from American grocey store).<br />
Those people don't care that I'm struglling in life to keep up with bad marriage, a two-year old daughter, work, volunteer activity and all kinds of great positive things that I can possibly offer. Just because I'm different, I'm no good to them. It's hard to be alone and ostrisized by community.<br />
You're not the only one.

I have lost my circle of friends recently too....the reasons are different but it really really hurts....Everyone needs to feel embraced and welcome. I would like to suggest its possible that you are forgiven but just still feeling to guilty to approach. Maybe if you try to connect with someone...they may be more willing than you imagine. If thats not possible...than find some new friends....It'll boost your self worth and help you either put this situation behind you or help you deal with it head on. so sorry....

i don t care about the community <br />
people can judge you not tell you what to do

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