Why.

I don't belong anywhere.

I have never felt like I belonged anywhere.

Up until now, I have never really thought about it in detail. The though had crossed my mine here and there but now as I look back through the past. The word "belonging" does not resonate anything within me. 

Why.

Why is it that all I remember is the sadness.

The loneliness.

That feeling where you feel "out of place", that something isn't right.

Is this all some kind of sick joke?

I feel alone.

I feel sad.

I feel tired, and I don't even have the energy to cry anymore.

I don't even know how I get out of bed in the morning. Maybe it's that minuscule part within me, that microscopic portion of hope that you would have to search harder than finding a needle in a haystack. 

That maybe, just maybe, there is something worth it at the end of all this. 

But also maybe that there isn't.

How long more can I lie to myself? How long more can I believe this bullshit that I tell myself everyday? 

I wake to sleep. 

I sleep to dream. 

I dream to hope. 

I hope to live. 

I live to die.

To die. 

ALONE and unnoticed, like every step of my life.

No. Like every step of this LIE. Take the Fuck from life and you get a lie. Because that's what it really is. 

At the end of it all, we return to nothing. And we can keep telling ourselves the lie that MAYBE there's a heaven out there, or take the cold harsh truth that everything just is. 

Nothing matters. So why bother belonging?

I ask myself everyday.

Why.

innoc3nt innoc3nt
18-21, M
2 Responses May 19, 2012

I am the same way inclined glass half empty, remember the worst days before the best. Think we have to know ourselves, be kinder to ourselves, we just got born this way slightly depressive.
I find natural beauty helps,go somewhere beautiful outside and see if you can't find some good exists. Take care of you

It only matters while we are here. I guess if you have a faith, then it matters for after being here too. I don't want to give you platitudes because i hate them, but I really do think there is hope for you, but it will take a lot of effort on your part, and you are tired. In your present mindset you can't see the woods for the trees, but there is hope, and unbeknownst to you, you have a lot going in your favor to accomplish the good in your life.