I Just Want To Disappear Sometimes

My entire life I have felt out of place, school, home, friends, no matter where I was, or who I was with, I felt out of place. In the military I felt at ease a bit, because I found people more like me, but then I got injured and everything changed for me. Since I got injured, my entire family makes me feel as if I am useless. I get a lot more attitudes, and I'm told that I can't do something because of my injury. It's like I'm trying to move on from when I got injured but everyone throws it oat my face. My parents keep throwing that I'm jobless in my face, but I'm in school and my bills are paid. I am older then most of the students I go to school with, plus the disabled student population is 30 students out of 15000, it,s getting old and depressing. I have no love life, no one even takes the chance to get to know me, they bail out on my either in the middle of a date or before the date even starts. I don't know anymore, I'm just about ready to disappear from the world.
misguidedchild misguidedchild
22-25, M
5 Responses Nov 29, 2012

Don't give up. You aren't the only one out there. It just feels like it because we all have the horrible habit of suffering in silence. We think that no one is listening. Why would they? We don't feel like we belong, so they probably feel the same. I get it though. It's hard to feel like you just don't belong. I have lived in the same small town for most of my life. When I left for the army, it was like people finally saw me. I discovered that I am a bit odd in other people's eyes during basic but it was still nice to be noticed. AIT was better. Everyone seemed to love crazy Lizzie and at my current job, it's the same. I still feel out of place though. I still feel strange.
It hasn't gone away or really even gotten better but I'm here and I'm trying. Just doing your own thing is enough. You have to believe that. If you don't at least try to do that, then you'll spend your whole life in torture. Don't let that happen. Find the will to fight that voice inside that says that you just don't belong. And as far as school goes, at least you are working to make a better life for yourself. Congrats, you didn't just wallow in self pity after getting injured. Now just keep pushing forward. Whether you are in the military still or not doesn't matter. You will always be a soldier at heart.
I can't say a lot about dating. I am a single mom and am a little more than closed off after being hurt one two many times. I haven't even bothered with dating but I do know that, if that person won't even try to understand me and work with me then they aren't worth it in the first place. She's out there. Don't worry, when you are ready, she'll be waiting.

funny stuff, i feel i head in a lifepath just like yours, im also waiting to get into the army in hope of finding some people like me or just die in somebody elses war, life like this, out of place, its not a life, i guess you understand.

people like us right? i really pray to the universe there is something better for us all in a posterior life, us the people that clicked "me too" in all this sadly named groups in EP

i'm actually doing a little better, I still feel out of place and everything, but I'm not as stressed as I was before....well not yet. I am still searching for that group of friends that I feel as if i fit in with, but haven't found them yet. The last time I felt as if i fit in was back when i was in the military, and now four years later, I don't know where I'm gonna be next.

Thank you both. I just don't know how much longer I can keep holding on. I it gets harder and harder every day. One good thing is that the one person I do feel accepted by may actually visit this weekend, which we both would help each other. He's my best friend and has been there for me in the worse of times. I really appreciate all the confidence you two are giving me, I just hope y'all don't look at our military as weak because of my issues.

Sorry for the long time reply my friend :) I was busy I hope you can see this message and no worries you are not weak and nobody see you like that Its cool that you can see your best friend :)

It's kool Ludius. I know everyone has a life away from this site, so it's kool. I'm doing a bit better. He wasn't abile to visit that weekend, but he should be coming down this weekend. Hopefully.

Hi again! :) I hope you are passing really good times I wish you a nice christmass too friend if you want maybe we can talk sometimes you can search for me on facebook it's Mc Grady Gallegos or if you want I can Add you first ;)

You sound like someone who tries their best and no one appreciates it, keep your chin up and perhaps start looking at different types of people to be around, I never fit in anywhere either growing up, I kind of still don't except with my kids lol. & for you to join the military shows you're a strong and kind person. If people don't want to respect you or date you just remember it's their loss for sure. I hope all works out for you, I know it's hard but just keep holding on because I'm sure there is something great awaiting you in the near future. :)

Hey please dont feel like that man I am always sad and depressed and i have only 18 you are even greater than me and most people i wanted to join the military too but somehow i was feeling that i couldnt do it and i have to say that im a man o action like you anyway please dont get sad no matter what people told you even your familly dont get you down man and dont beat yourself you can and should do anything you want and i think its cool you are on college i drop the studies for some months but i want to enter next year i want to be a graphics designer i dont think i even have real friends neither not even a "female" friend on my lífe right now i use to have it but they just ignore me anyway you have too believe in yourself you gotta stop hearing all these people hey maybe we can be friends who knows haha :)