2 Dead Boyfriends and 1 That Couldn't Be There Anymore

let me first start off by saying that i know this is best for me......ok with that said here is the story.....about a year ago i met this girl i wont use names.....we had gone to high school  together and we had been pretty close but not romantically involved......when we met we exchanged phone numbers and i started calling her.......immediately i fell head over heels and she did too.....despite her being in a relationship......we started doing cocaine regularly and partying hard.......i eventually had a breakdown and went into a Psyche hospital and she tried to kill herself.......we had no contact for awhile then we started seeing each other again the whole time this other guy was in the picture and we were still partying although i stopped doing blow........eventually the other guy killed himself and she started living with this other guy......well a few days ago they got into a horrible accident and he died and she was hospitalized with severe injuries.....we have talked a few times and she was really mean and telling me i should feel worse not really considering how i actually feel and just being verbally abusive......i had been getting fed up with her crap for awhile and i just finally ended it last night........with her in the hospital i hated for it to be that way.......i hate myself for leaving her at her lowest......i just can't do it anymore......i just guess i really want to know that i am not a bad person........
dragel dragel
22-25, M
3 Responses Apr 2, 2007

Most of the time we're not bad people... we just make bad decissions. It plays hard on our mind when they're one time shots, and we can't go back to change the outcome. The only thing we can do is " OVERCOME" and try to do differently or better next time.

your not a bad person for leaving her, i think hopefully, your trying to save yourself. you have to get all the negative things and people out of your life and only surround yourself with positive people. i know this because for six years i didn't know, but my exhusband was smoking crack in our shed. i caught him and that was the end of our relationship. i asked him to leave two days later. was i hurt and upset.. you bet!!! but now 1 1/2 years later, the best decision i ever made. hopefully he's cleaned up his act and realized he lost someone who really loved him. i hope you can move on in your life in a healthy, positive way. drugs ruin lives. all the best to you

Don't beat yourself up over it I know it is easier said than done. I fell in love once with a man who I worked with. He was very well mannered, charming, intellectual, etc.etc. We started going out and he made it clear he was the partying type. I figured he probably drank and smoked a little pot. I don't do drugs other than smoking pot in highschool. Anyhow I started to see this other side to him when we would hang out. He told me he had to make a stop one night because a friend owed him some money. We pulled up in front of this apartment and I waited in the car. I soon discovered he was making a crack deal. When he got back in the car and I saw what he had I almost had a heartattack. I soon ended the relationship. I still saw him and he went on a spiral downward and went from bad to worse. He got fired from his job , his roomate got fed up with him and threw him out! It was a mess! The point I am making is that some people can't be saved no matter how bad you want to help them.