Sad Eyes

i really dont know what to type really....i just feel really sad all of a sudden, as of now im listening to "Wonderful" by Annie Lennox and i feel like crying.... so many feeling are rushing at me right now and i have no real friends who will just hold me... no one really excepts me and my chosen way of life...which is fine, but i do wish i was different, so when these times, these feelings come over me, i can reach out and actually have someone to who will hold me... i'm thinking way to much at this point and just feel so sad... i miss people who i have chosen not to have in my life any more... i think about the happy times and just get sad all over again... i miss my cruch, i miss my ex friends, i miss my family -the ones i never got to meet, i miss every one who i have pushed away...i want companianship but push away any one who gets close...i want to cry but cant allow myself to.... i cant allow weakness to be seen from me...i have lost every one who i thought meant some thing to me...my friends, those few i have let in... i miss them, but i know i wont get them back...i sadly made sure of that... i will be leaveing my job on the 31st of this month and havent talked to two of them in about 4 weeks...i dont even aknowledge there existence...but i miss the hugs the jokes the attention, the friendship...but i guess that is what i get, cause i know now that as far as being friends with those two ever again, my chances are zip... i feel like going back to my old habits, but wont, i cant do that this time...for i might die if i dare...i just wish i had some one to hug, someone who will wipe the tears from my sad eyes...
haveneverlet haveneverlet
18-21, M
Aug 10, 2010